im not right in the head....

[anamcara]

um...i dont know if this is in the right place, but i dont know where it belongs....

i did something very bad....i went to the place that i know for a fact that my ex boyfriend goes to...even though i have a 2-year restraining order on him...i had no credit on my phone.....and it was in the woods....i was beyond petrified....but (and i know this is going to sound strange) i couldnt stop myself from walking there...right to him...knowing what he was capable of....luckily i didnt see him....but if i did...we'd be alone...he could do anything he liked....and i'd be powerless....

i know it was a stupid thing to do....but i feel lost...lost in a world that i cannot live in properly, and i honestly cannot stop myself doing stupid things sometimes...its like its not me...its someone else controlling my body...and all i can do is look on and wish for it to end...to be in control again...

the only way i feel sort of.....real....is through twilight...(dont ask lol) but its the only way i can hold on to something....hold on to him...

im sorry for my crappy posts....i just dont know what to do anymore....
everything is caving in around me....
everythng is being taken away......
:(

[Love.Hate]

Please dont put yourself in danger like that again.

Have you been to the doctors about feeling like someone else is controlling you?
It sounds very serious.
And there is no need to apologise for posting on here, we all just want to help :)

[Fiction]

Maybe this is another form of self harm. You know that by putting yourself in that situation you will possibly cause harm to yourself.
I suppose I do pretty similar things, not as extreme but still similar. I think it's just another form of self harm really :/

[anamcara]

i havent told anyone about it, i might book a doctors appointment though, i dont know, ...

[Fiction]

If you could talk to a professional about all of this and get help, I think that that would be good for you :)

[anamcara]

yeah, it probably would...but you've read my first post, when do i ever seem to do anything good for myself?? lol but its a new year i suppose :) xx

[Fiction]

Well maybe it is time to do something good for yourself, as you said, it's a new year. try to turn it around this year :)

[Charleigh]

Even though you feel as if your loosing everything, I will always be here to help you. Things might not be going to fantastic at the moment hun, but its not going to stay this way forever! Come on hun, its a new year! A new year means everything is a freash start, 2010 is the past. PM me if there is anything at all!
:hug:

[anamcara]

Thanks to all of you for commenting, I don't know what I would have done without you. I'm definitely going to get help though xxx

[Myrnodin]

No big words on this. Im jsut glad you are getting help. Psycologists arnt as bad as they get painted. (Not young ones, not true ones at least) In my class, almost all of us have ended (or should have) in therapy duiring our youths. Most of us remember what it is to be on the other side of the table, and thats why, we now want to be the ones wth the writings and the questions. *tear* Glad you are gonna get some help. :)

Regards,

- Josh.

[anamcara]

ive got the number of a counsiling service, but im scared to call it, i dont like talking to adults about things and certainly do not like being out of my comfort zone, i feel paranoid when im out of my "bubble" and that everybody knows my secret and im not me anymore, like im someone else, i know none of this makes sence but i need some sort of help cause i sort of tore into my arm yesterday and i was so close.......if you know what i mean....should i be hospitalised