Meaningless-Darkness
January 4th, 2011, 01:16 AM
I feel really bad, like ive faild! Its been three days in a row now :(
I was doing really well before new years. I made a pact with myself that i wouldnt self harm in the new year, that this year would be different! I had almost three weeks behind me and all ive done is fail day after day.
I find myself having to stop myself from continuing to cut as the cuts are getting deeper and deeper. I dont want to be doing this anymore, what if i cut to deep. I dont care about me, but i dont want to kill myself. I saw my mum when my sister tried sevral times to kill herself and i dont want to do that to her! I just dont know what to do. The need to cut is so strong its there as soon as i wake up. I can manage to leave it till the evening most days, but its not helping anymore when i finally give in. The pains just not going away. I tried burning instead of cutting to see if that helped, but it didnt it just made me feel worse. What am i doing??
I was doing really well before new years. I made a pact with myself that i wouldnt self harm in the new year, that this year would be different! I had almost three weeks behind me and all ive done is fail day after day.
I find myself having to stop myself from continuing to cut as the cuts are getting deeper and deeper. I dont want to be doing this anymore, what if i cut to deep. I dont care about me, but i dont want to kill myself. I saw my mum when my sister tried sevral times to kill herself and i dont want to do that to her! I just dont know what to do. The need to cut is so strong its there as soon as i wake up. I can manage to leave it till the evening most days, but its not helping anymore when i finally give in. The pains just not going away. I tried burning instead of cutting to see if that helped, but it didnt it just made me feel worse. What am i doing??