SlightlySane
January 2nd, 2011, 04:22 AM
Dear you,
It's two days into the new year... You know, the one we were going to be able to have each other going into? The one where I had my first special someone? I was supposed to have you for christmas. I wrote to santa asking him to help people understand and accept us. Because I was going to have my first special someone. We were together 17 weeks, 3 (almost four) months... 3 more days would have made 4 months, and 3 more from then would have been christmas...
I cried for a week because of what you had been doing. I didn't eat more than a few bites each day that week. I lost 7 lbs. I only got 3 hours of sleep a night. Did you know it's been 3 weeks since you told me "I love you?" That I haven't kissed you for 7 weeks. That I still wear your ring every day. That I smell the blanket you gave me. I wear the hoodie you bought me. Did you know that each night I dream we're together and I wake up to tears in my eyes. That I still pretend are plans together are real.
As soon as the ball dropped and the clock struck midnight I ran into my friends basement crying... because I knew this wasn't a new start... it meant I was entering the new year without the person I valued most. I can't control my melt downs. It's only gotten worse over time. I force myself to eat now even though I'm usually not hungry. I wake up in the morning forgetting we aren't dating anymore. I have to get over you again and again every day.
My anxiety is back. My compulsions are creeping in on me. My mood swings are hitting me again. I'm starting to get self conscious more and more. I dread being at home, because they used to see how happy I was, and I can barely smile now.
Didn't you know I'm in love with you?
I thought I was enough.
I thought you said I was beautiful.
I thought we could work through the distance
Did you know I believed you when you promised?
You promised I was enough
That'd I'd always be your baby
You promised to love me forever
It hurts that I can't look forward to hugging you again. I can't wait for the next time I get to hold your hand. I'm not supposed to want to rush into your arms and kiss you anymore, then look up at your eyes to see that you really really love me. I can't make you things. I can't write you more poems. I can't sit around excitedly waiting for you to get done at swim practice at almost 9:36 exactly every time. I'm not supposed to go be there for you, cheering you on as my boyfriend.
It hurts that I'm still so proud of you. Now, however, I can't say "I'm so proud of my boyfriend." I can't say "my boyfriend this" or "my boyfriend that" I'm not supposed to be so in love with you.
Remember when I said I fall deeper for you every day? Well, I still am. I fall more and more in love with you the more I remember how beautiful you are. How incredible you were to me. The little things you did that made my world more amazing than it's ever been.
I know I'm young, I'm in high school, and I have a whole life ahead of me. I also know that I'm wise, I can make it in the world, I know what love really is, and I understand why people are so scared of it.
I took a risk, made and exception, and gave you all of my faith. I regret none of that, and would welcome it back in a heartbeat. It doesn't matter to me if someone told me it's a bad idea. You're the only one I'll give a second chance too.
Dear you,
I still love you.
Love,
Me
"Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends"
~Unknown
I hope you read this, because this is as honest I could have ever been with you. I promised you I would tell you everything about me. This is it, this is me.
The End
It's two days into the new year... You know, the one we were going to be able to have each other going into? The one where I had my first special someone? I was supposed to have you for christmas. I wrote to santa asking him to help people understand and accept us. Because I was going to have my first special someone. We were together 17 weeks, 3 (almost four) months... 3 more days would have made 4 months, and 3 more from then would have been christmas...
I cried for a week because of what you had been doing. I didn't eat more than a few bites each day that week. I lost 7 lbs. I only got 3 hours of sleep a night. Did you know it's been 3 weeks since you told me "I love you?" That I haven't kissed you for 7 weeks. That I still wear your ring every day. That I smell the blanket you gave me. I wear the hoodie you bought me. Did you know that each night I dream we're together and I wake up to tears in my eyes. That I still pretend are plans together are real.
As soon as the ball dropped and the clock struck midnight I ran into my friends basement crying... because I knew this wasn't a new start... it meant I was entering the new year without the person I valued most. I can't control my melt downs. It's only gotten worse over time. I force myself to eat now even though I'm usually not hungry. I wake up in the morning forgetting we aren't dating anymore. I have to get over you again and again every day.
My anxiety is back. My compulsions are creeping in on me. My mood swings are hitting me again. I'm starting to get self conscious more and more. I dread being at home, because they used to see how happy I was, and I can barely smile now.
Didn't you know I'm in love with you?
I thought I was enough.
I thought you said I was beautiful.
I thought we could work through the distance
Did you know I believed you when you promised?
You promised I was enough
That'd I'd always be your baby
You promised to love me forever
It hurts that I can't look forward to hugging you again. I can't wait for the next time I get to hold your hand. I'm not supposed to want to rush into your arms and kiss you anymore, then look up at your eyes to see that you really really love me. I can't make you things. I can't write you more poems. I can't sit around excitedly waiting for you to get done at swim practice at almost 9:36 exactly every time. I'm not supposed to go be there for you, cheering you on as my boyfriend.
It hurts that I'm still so proud of you. Now, however, I can't say "I'm so proud of my boyfriend." I can't say "my boyfriend this" or "my boyfriend that" I'm not supposed to be so in love with you.
Remember when I said I fall deeper for you every day? Well, I still am. I fall more and more in love with you the more I remember how beautiful you are. How incredible you were to me. The little things you did that made my world more amazing than it's ever been.
I know I'm young, I'm in high school, and I have a whole life ahead of me. I also know that I'm wise, I can make it in the world, I know what love really is, and I understand why people are so scared of it.
I took a risk, made and exception, and gave you all of my faith. I regret none of that, and would welcome it back in a heartbeat. It doesn't matter to me if someone told me it's a bad idea. You're the only one I'll give a second chance too.
Dear you,
I still love you.
Love,
Me
"Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends"
~Unknown
I hope you read this, because this is as honest I could have ever been with you. I promised you I would tell you everything about me. This is it, this is me.
The End