uncomfortable about coming out

[delaney1414]

hey im a gay in a non-gay friendly school and town so its quite uncomfortable.
i had originaly planed to wait until i leave for university and move out but i feel lonley and depressed with only 4 people knowing and the guy that knows is realy trying to make it hard on me.
what do you think i should do:confused:

[Alexithymia]

If it could be dangerous for you to come out, then it might be best to wait. But if the people in your community aren't super haters of gays, then you might want to privately come out. What that means is that you just tell people you trust. Or you could do what I am doing. Not come out at all but just act like a straight, cept opposite. For instance, if you see a good looking guy, say "Oh, he's hot..." Good luck :)

[Sebastian Michaelis]

dont worry I'm bi and 13 and afraid how others will react. don't tell anyone u don't trust and if your family or friends ask you in a supportive way be honest and getting your friends to ask is almost impossible unless they ask as a joke (if they do ask as a joke don't tell them the truth). so U must tell your friend(s). but not until u do this first. u need to hint at you being gay to them but not noticeably. the way I'm doing it now is to play 'would you rather', it's a good way to find out how your friends react to a imagined situation. best of luck! PS. I've told one friend using this method and it worked great for me

[delaney1414]

i want to tell some people there my best friends but there not very understanding but i think one of the guys were trying to like get my to try stuff with him (like experiment) but i felt wiered coz wat if i was getting the wrong hints like guys are always ya no touchy but he got realy touchy like he would put his arm around me and he would sit on my lap and he would alway hold my hand and he would get realy close so do you think im getting the right signals and if i am should i go for it of just kinda turn him down

[Krazymitch]

if you are uncomfortable about comming out, then it is NOT the right time, you need to be able to feel comfortable.

[The Joker]

hey im a gay in a non-gay friendly school and town so its quite uncomfortable.
i had originaly planed to wait until i leave for university and move out but i feel lonley and depressed with only 4 people knowing and the guy that knows is realy trying to make it hard on me.
what do you think i should do:confused:

You should never, ever be ashamed as to who you are. It's not necessary to come out unless you feel completely ready to do so. If you're unwilling to come out, it shows that you're ashamed or insecure of who you truly are. That's not a terrible thing to be, but trust me, you will get over it. When you're ready to come out, you'll be much freer and showing that you don't accept being ashamed over who you are.

Unless of course you're worried about a violent/physical reaction.

[Philleeep]

right well im bi and im in the same position as you, i think you should come out to your close friends because if you open out then people in a similar position to you may look up to you and come out them self's. personally im waiting because im planning on moving away anyway to start fresh but its ok im comfortable with it all but you need to do what ever you think you need to do

[Charleigh]

FUCK what people think :D You are who you are, why change because people are ignorant to society? It's your lifestyle, your choice, so go with it. They dont live your life, they havent chose to be gay, so fuck them, they dont have to live your life!

Life is short, live it to its full potential and ignore anyone who trys to stand in the way. Be comfortable with who you are, dont listen to them low life fucks. You are you, if they dont accept that, make them. Good luck!
:hug:

[blackmusicbox215]

Well I'm gay, and I am also afraid to come out. My family doesn't like gays, and neither does my school. And the really bad part is I found out I was gay a few weeks ago, but I've had a girlfriend since September and I don't know how I should tell her. I only told one person, the only one I can completely trust and not worry about her judging me. There are just few people that I can tell to make it slightly easier on me.

[LilTurtle]

you will know when its the time. dont rush it. and dont worry about it. its easy when you are ready.

be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

.

[PJay]

I came out when I was ready which happened to be last year. There were some bad months but it was totally 100% worth it. I'm not the only out boy but I am the youngest afaik (although I kind of hit on a year 9 who took it really well so I woudln't be surprised if he came out soon lol). It takes guts and you will be stronger for it. The biggest thing for me is all my life ppl have been ok with me, so it was pretty much the first time I've had to deal with any sort of bullying. I dont get any now though.

[Weeping]

Well, if you feel to uncomfortable to come out right now, then wait. But you shouldn't hold it in just because some people are bitches. Stand for who you are, as soon as you are ready. If people over there are really harsh to gay people so it might, in some way, be dangerous to come out, then you'd better wait though..

[James94]

You are too young to know your sexuality. I was 100% convinced I was gay at 13, whereas now my feelings have changed substantially. In a few years if you are still sure, then I'd come out, it would be more comfortable for you overall. However, I don't think that you shoudl tell anyone else yet, and the people who you have told, maybe try and convince them that you were just confused or something like that. I know how certain you can feel about this type of thing, and how you're sure that you will never change, but believe me, you might, and you don't want to be stuck with the label of "the gay one", so girls don't even consider you if you go bi or straight. I speak from experience.

[PJay]

You are too young to know your sexuality.

Thats not true, lots of us here knew when we were really young. But it does take some guys a while to work it out, i'm just saying the OP here isn't saying he's confused. Everyone is different. Best advice is don't worry about the labels too much, and don't feel you HAVE to go telling the world you are gay.

[James94]

Thats not true, lots of us here knew when we were really young. But it does take some guys a while to work it out, i'm just saying the OP here isn't saying he's confused. Everyone is different. Best advice is don't worry about the labels too much, and don't feel you HAVE to go telling the world you are gay.

Well OK then, what I'm saying is that what you think you know now might not still be the case in a couple of years. He might know now, and stay like that, but he might know what he is now but then feel differently later.

[SuperSuraj]

If you don't feel safe coming out in your town i would suggest against it, for your personal safety. It sucks not being able to be who you are openly, but for your physical safety i would wait until you feel safe coming out.

[Never_Forget]

If you're not comfortable coming out, then don't. Especially if it's not going to be safe to do so, such as if you think you're going to be bullied excessively (because of course some is to be expected, but if you feel you're going to really have to bear a lot of it then that's what I mean). I do suggest though telling a couple close friends. Personally I have I think 5 close friends that know I'm gay, and it's great that I can just be myself around them. I don't plan on coming out for a while, I plan on doing it when I start college actually, because it's new people and such (year 10 now so 1 1/2 years to college).
But remember if you're ever lonely or upset and need someone to talk to about anything, the whole of VT is here and more than happy to have a good old natter with you :)

[Cryofthewolf]

you will know when its the time. dont rush it. and dont worry about it. its easy when you are ready.

be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

.

I absolutely love this quote. Recommendation for you. =-D

[Cryofthewolf]

Just hang in there Delaney. It won't be an easy ride, but it does get better. I'm not fully out of the closet, (I think I'm bisexual, but I'm not sure), but the uncomfortable moments around certain people have mostly gone away.

Like I said, it won't be easy, but if the people you know are supportive of you, you have them, and you always have us at VT.

Here are some websites that might be able to help you. Along with these, there are many hotlines out there for LGBT youth that are ready to help you. Good luck buddy. Talk to one of us if you need the help. <3

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/

http://www.wegiveadamn.org/

(Here's a hotline) http://www.glnh.org/index2.html

[lniehus55]

if i was gay id be uncomfortable coming out