Just need to say...

[Magenta]

I got rid of my tools. I did. But there's other things around the house I know I could use... I want my dad to trust me. I don't want him to have to check again or take away everything sharp. But there's this feeling. I'm not even that upset... just mopey and numb. And I want some sort of mark. Anything. A bite, a scratch, a cut. Something.

Is this how 2011 is going to be for me? The irresistible tug and pull of an addiction that should never have started? I joined here in August. At that point, I only had maybe ten little cuts hidden under my watch. I promised myself that I would never do anything past that. Since then... I have hundreds. I've tried other things... I've attempted suicide and planned a second attempt. It seems so unreal. Can't I just wake up from this nightmare and become the little innocent girl I once was?

I hate this.

[Love.Hate]

Well done, Getting rid of your tools is AMAZING!
You cant get rid of everything sharp in your life, there are things everywhere. But my throwing your tools away you have proved that you are strong enough to resist the temptation. Hang in there hun, i understand how quickly these things develop. I like you started and withing a two months i had about 300 scars. It was pretty bad. But you go through your ups and downs. Everyone does, this must be your down. Things will get better :hug:

[Magenta]

Thanks. :) Actually just posted on your thread!

[Fiction]

As Fran said, getting rid of your blades is a big thing, and it shows that you are mentally ready to stop. You've made the big step of getting rid of them, think about that before you cut, think how much you want to be free of this.
Good luck :)

[Meaningless-Darkness]

Congratulations on getting rid of your tools, well done! This is a big step and like said before should be motivation againts doing it again! Think of how long its been since you last did it and that is also a good preventitive.
It does get easier, sometimes it will be hard and other times it wont! Stay strong!

[Magenta]

I'm thinking of doing it just a little tonight. Just a small scratch. Does it count against me if it's just a scratch? I could keep my seven days and just say I walked up against something rough... I don't know.

[Alexithymia]

If it's intentional, it doesn't count. Don't do it. It's not worth it.

[Magenta]

I'm still thinking about it. I don't really have a reason to. I just... I'm tired of trying. I'm trying to be so many things for people. I'm too tired to try for myself.

[Alexithymia]

Keep going. I know you can. And just try a bit less for those other people, and try a bit more for yourself, okay? Sometimes it's healthier to be selfish.

[Magenta]

At this point, I don't know if I want to try for myself. I'm so exhausted. If I try to put the effort into trying for myself, everyone else will get mad at me. Either way, there's no way to please anyone.

[Alexithymia]

I know how it feels. Just keep trying, okay?

[Magenta]

I am. I'll keep trying for as long as I can. No promises but thanks.

[Alexithymia]

All right. VM if you need a distraction, k?

[Magenta]

Thanks. :)

[UnknownError]

Jo don't do it! A scratch can very easily turn into a cut which can multiply by anything.
Stay strong, you threw your stuff away, which was amazing. Don't ruin your seven days.

[Magenta]

Oh my gosh, Connor, your sig just nearly made me die of laughter. (Hint: It's "you're" not "your". :P)

I'm trying. Really hard.

[UnknownError]

LOL Im going to add "AND WE ARE HAVING A PARTY!" :P

[StrawberryCyanide]

I agree getting rid of your tools is a massive step forward! Just keep yourself busy for now, if you feel the urge to hurt yourself try to fight it with everything you've got. If you get past the craving you're winning :) But if it gets too much and you relapse, don't let it ruin the efforts you've already made and bring you down, just try again. I hope everything works out and you manage to beat this :) x

[Magenta]

I failed. 0 days. I lay down in bed and thought my sheets smelled like the hospital and that was it. I'm sorry, guys. :(

[Alexithymia]

You didn't fail. You slipped up. Pick yourself back up and keep going. By the way, change the sheets so they smell like something else. Try and get rid of all your triggers that are things you can control :)

[Magenta]

I just washed them today but I'll see if I can find another soap. It's not even as bad now that I've calmed down and gotten used to it.

Seven days gone but eight days to come, starting tomorrow.

[Mike321]

Well done for getting rid of your blades, thats a big step to take.
And as the other have said you didnt fail, it was just a little slip up, we all have them.
You did really well getting to nearly 7 days, and its good that your aiming for 8 now, you can do it.
Keep going, you'll get there no matter how long it takes