Fear of completely losing my shit.

[The Joker]

Well, I've recently made a request for a friend of mine to set me up with some pot. I don't see this as being the only thing I'd ever do. I've already expressed interest in doing many, many harder drugs. I don't seem to have any control over my craving for something that will completely fuck me up forever. I just want to fucking forget the world and go to another plane of existence.

I know I will smoke the pot. I know I will then do more and more. But whatever. Not my fault, I guess. Just pass the joint and let me forget my life. I can't think of any thing other than music that would keep me occupied or alive anymore. I'm kinda afraid, but I'm not sure.

[Donkey]

Things get better, and drugs aren't the answer. While weed won't fuck you up so bad you'll forget about life, it'll probably make you feel better for a while. Becuase weed can't kill you, it is where for the sake of yourself you should draw the line. Even if you don't know it Matt, there are people out there who love you - in different ways, perhaps, but I love you as I do anyone else and I'd be very upset if you were to waste your life like this. After all you only have one chance and throwing it away like this would be pointless, you have been blessed to even have a life but you not only have that privilege, you live in a developed country, you are healthy and have a good level of intelligence. You'd be mad to throw that away.

I wouldn't be worried by you saying that you want to do weed. While I don't condone it (well, I can't condone it,) it's hardly abnormal and it's not going to fuck up your life like other drugs might. Don't touch anything harder, please. If you're referring to heroin or cocaine type drugs, I'm telling you now that you will regret it. You will almost certainly become addicted, become unable to fund the habit and have to resort to crime in order to get the money in order to fund a habit that will kill you. Why would you ever willingly do that? Think about it properly. LSD and ecstasy type drugs once again aren't as bad but if you're depressed LSD could fuck you over really bad. Ecstasy can be deadly if you drink the wrong amount of water, and there are various other side effects. If you have to do something, please just stick to the cannabis - and keep it moderate.

You don't want to waste your life like this. Until you see that, please just trust me and the others that will post here. You will realise that this is the right advice and this is what is best for you.

[Scarface]

Whoa man, slow down. You seriously don't know what you're getting yourself into. I dug this hole for myself, and it took me so long to dig myself out. Of course it just starts with something as simple as weed. Then you're smoking weed everyday, then you're buying more and more until you just can't get high off of it anymore, you've now built up a tolerance for it. So you try to find something else just to give you that buzz. Since this is something that's really been a popular one and something of my own experience, pain pill addiction or psychiatric pills.

Let's start this from the top shall we? When I finally said fuck it and stole some of my moms pills,they were roxy's aka blues, I took one for the very first time because I wanted to see how it felt. After I swallowed it, I started to feel numb, real tingly, and I felt like I had to throw up, but I just couldn't. I couldn't even force myself to stand up, then I felt the ever so famous "nod out" which is when you're just can't keep your eyes open, you could be talking to someone and be trailing off. It only got worse with different pills, oxy's and her fioricet, because it had caffeine so it was like an in and out. Then after my boy friend of 3 years cheated on me, I ran home and took my moms oxycontin and OD'd, I cannot remember how many I took. I almost died. I woke up with this shitty charcoal taste in my mouth, my fucking stomach was in a tight knot and my brother of all people hovering over me crying. Begging me to never do it again. Still interested? I'll go deeper.

Cocaine; this is the drug that has be forever fucked up. My step dad used to sell this. Plus getting high on his own supply he was one of the most neurotic people you could ever meet. Wasn't making any money. Well, I finally had my first whiff and taste, that was it. It was the buzz that made me feel so hyped. I could do anything, go to work, clean, everything. But like with this drug as well as any other drug, you start using it for a while and you're only going to build a tolerance for it. So I started doing more because I felt like I was being productive, stealing it from him, but I thought it was worth it. I didn't care WHERE, WHO or how I got it. I just needed it. For a while it seemed like I was doing well, but I was almost always doing something I couldn't sit down, I didn't want to blow my nose, but this drip was awful, I was so stuffed up, but I didn't know if I would lose it through blowing my nose so I just didn't.

Then came the nose bleed, because when you snort cocaine your blood pressure rises, dries your out and it sticks to the inside of your sinuses and to your throat. They only got worse and worse. My hands were always shaking, I couldn't sit still, I couldn't catch my breath, I felt like my head was about to explode and my brain to come out my mouth. You don't even know how long you've been staying up, you just want more.I wasn't even hungry anymore, I couldn't eat, everything was so gross. I became so damn skinny, I felt like I was a skeleton. The stupid shit you'll go through and do just for something like this. After my somehow passing out on my bed, I kept waking up feeling this shit coming out of my nose, I thought it was just a nasty drip, so I ignore tit, but after while I just couldn't ignore it anymore, so I turned on my light and I looked at my pillow and I thought that I was dying, my pillow was soaked in blood, it felt like it just wouldn't stop.. so I ran to the bathroom blood all over me, a little on the floor, my pillow looked like a murder scene. I pinched my nose and stuffed tissues in my nose. After this I just said fuck it, I needed to find out what was wrong with me because I "certainly couldn't have caused this, why me?" when went to the doctor, and they took my blood and they found the drugs, my insurance couldn't cover the visit, but they told me I had deviated my septum in my nose, which is a blood vessel. They said they needed to cauterize it with silver nitrate, but I just couldn't afford it, so I ended up being checked in. It was one of the worst feelings in the world detoxing... I wouldn't wish it on anyone. How sick I felt, the craving was so intense. ALL of that money that I spent, FOR WHAT!? The distances I went just for these drugs so I could "numb out" so I could "forget my problems."

It doesn't work Matt, it really doesn't, not only did was surrounded by it was I was very little, but I ended up getting wrapped up and hooked myself. Spent so much money, I lost a job, I almost died, the regret and pain I constantly felt for what I had done to the people that really cared about me. Is this really worth getting high for? Is it really worth going through what I did or something worse? Just so you can "forget" and be "numb"? I think not, please reconsider and I hope that with my experiences it has helped you. I'm always here when you need someone to talk to.

[nick]

Matt everything you wrote suggests to me that you know this is the wrong path to take. That it can only lead into a downward spiral from which it is harder and harder to escape. You're too good for this. You are bright, sparky, intelligent, witty, fun, cute, adorable even. You should have a great future and you certainly will have no trouble finding someone that will give you love. If you will just give it time life can only get better for you, dont take a path that can only turn it worse. (That blade, it still twists just the same.)

[Zazu]

My thoughts are very much the same as everyone else here. I just couldn't put it into words earlier.

I went through a phase a couple of years ago where I became dependant on cannabis and alcohol to get me through a nasty phase of depression following some shit that went down at school. I started to rely on it to get myself out of reality so I could forget all the shit emotions and pain. I wasn't smoking tonnes (about 3 grams a week) but it was enough to get me where I wanted. At the time, I never really thought much of it because I got myself into an emotional rut where I didn't care about what I was doing to myself of my family. I'd just had enough of the bi-polar depression plus all this other shit on top. It eventually put me into some seriously fucked up dimension of reality which lead to two suicide attempts, one of which nearly went how I wanted at the time.

Shit was fucked up man. However much I am for the reasonable use of cannabis, using it as a coping mechanism for depression / anything other shit in life really isn't the way to do it. You're really doing it wrong if you do it like that. You will end up tripping yourself out of reality and you'll just go down an even worse spiral than you might already be in.

I found that the best thing that helped me was giving myself a kick up the arse and finally accepting all the help I could get and embracing love like I hadn't before. Forgetting it all isn't the way to go about it. You need to look all the poo in the face, spit at it and figure out how you're going to get round it. I obviously can't advise you on this as I'm not up to date with what's going on at this moment in time. But for fuck's sake Matt, don't go down the route of becoming dependant on dependant on mind-altering drugs. It does just fuck you up 10 times more.

I don't have experience of any harder drugs but I've known people on them and have experienced some at work. The people who are the ones who do follow the 'stepping stone path' and go from weed onto harder drugs are the ones who end up worse out of everyone dude. I've never seen such a sorry sight than a women I saw one night who had started off on cannabis when she was young and is now hooked on god knows fucking what. Prescription drugs, heroin, coke, you fucking name it she's on it. She'd become a skeleton, mentally and physically. I nearly fucking cried when I saw her because I realise I nearly ended up like her too. When I went through the bad depression, I knew people who could have hooked me up with whatever I wanted. Anything. I would have fucking gone like her, yet another bloody life wasted. Don't fucking go like that Matt.

Face your problems, however much / bad they are, and realise what you need to do. You might need to just ride them out, you might need to get other help, I don't know. Just realise how much love for you there is on here. I know we're not very familiar but I did know you for a while through Nick and you seem like a bloody decent person. The fact that Nick thought highly of you puts you in my good books. Embrace our love, embrace our help, you know people will do whatever they can to help you dude. You're not alone with this, you're not the only one to have experienced this kind of thing and you're not the only one to be in this position. Just don't fuck up like I did and like thousands of others do.

Realise you have love. Realise you have friends. Realise you have people on here who love you for who you are. Realise that we're here to help. Realise that the light is always waiting for you at the end of the tunnel. Realise that you're well aware you don't want to do this. Realise that you're intelligent. Realise that you're smart. Realise that you have the power, the will, the ability to take control of all this shit.

We're here to help you man.

[ManAmongHippos]

I have a few friends that are into the boy and into the rock. (Urban Dictionary the slang terms.)
I can tell you I've tried things I shouldn't have but I keep it to the herb and so should you, you're in for a world of pain doing anything except marijuana.

[Peace God]

I just want to fucking forget the world and go to another plane of existence.
Just pass the joint and let me forget my life.
Lulz, like that will make your problems go away or get better...you'll have the same problems, along with the problems caused by an addiction that most likely will make your previous problems look like a walk in the park. If someone has problems to deal with, getting into hard drugs is about the most counterproductive thing they could do.

[ortmann123]

i would say 'dont fucking do it dude'...
but i know that sometimes that craving is too strong. had a pretty messed up drug history, could compare it to yours.
and yeah if you want something to fuck up your life pot is an answer...
ive been clean for 3 weeks now and even though i'm not a junk, even now more and more problems of my mistake to give pot a try pop up now. i hate that past, but still im proud to say i never payed a single dime for drugs.

[High]

Weed if great, especially when you're depressed or stressed out or something. But please, don't do hard drugs like Cocaine and Meth...It will terribly fuck you and you won't even realize it. I support your decision on marijuana as there is honestly nothing bad about it besides the fact that it's illegal. Just don't misuse it and drive a vehicle or do dumb things. But please, DONT DO DRUGS.