Seriously conflicted feelings, please help!

[affablyeaseful]

I have nowhere to turn for help with this issue but here. I'm going to try and keep it short (sorry it's not, please read it!), but there's a lot more to this than how it appears. If anyone would be willing to have a PM exchange with me so I could explain more, or even would just share some advice here I would really appreciate it a lot. I really need some help right now. I feel as though this is consuming me and is putting me on the verge of falling into depression again. To make things clear, I'm bisexual and a guy.

So basically what it comes down to is that I'm in love with my boyfriend and best friend at the same time. My friend is straight and has a gf. I've accepted I can never be with him. He knows about my boyfriend and that I'm bi, but NOT that I'm in love with him too. How this happened is complicated. But I'm feeling very guilty, depressed, and awful about the whole thing.

I don't want to feel this way about my best friend. I'm very much in love with my boyfriend and feel so guilty and like I'm being unfaithful to him by having these feelings for my friend too. I want to stay in love with him and only him (my bf). I really love him and am very physically and emotionally attracted to him, and I don't feel like I'm settling by any means.

I also don't want to be in love with my best friend because I feel like I'm betraying his trust and am adding tension to the friendship. I want to be able to hang out and do things with him without wanting him. I want to look at him as just a really close friend who I love. Not someone who I'm attracted to (physically and emotionally), have such strong feelings for, and am in love with the same way that I am with my boyfriend. I can't help it and I wish I could just feel how I want to. Please help. I don't know what to do and how to deal with this =(

[nick]

You cant help your feelings, all you can do is what you are already doing, keep it to yourself and choose not to act upon it. You are lucky to have a boyfriend that you love, hang on to that, focus on that, and dont risk losing him.

Happy to talk more with you if I can help, but you cant use PM's on here until you have 100 posts.

[affablyeaseful]

Hey Nick,

Thank you for being so kind as to reply and offer to talk more. I got your message and I'm going to check out your forum and send you a PM soon.

The hardest part is that because of school I'm home for 4 months over the summer and 1 month over the holidays (now). I live 300 miles away from my boyfriend during this time and barely get to talk to him. Instead I spend the majority of my time with my friend, especially because we don't get to see each other or talk much during the other 7 months of the year . While I'm with my boyfriend and can see him this doesn't bother me so much and the feelings for my friend fade away. It's only when I can't see my boyfriend and I see my friend all the time that this becomes really hard to deal with.

I just wish there was something I could do to stop feeling like this about my best friend and looking at him like this =\

[Sebastian Michaelis]

its ok to have fantasies about your friend as long as you don't act upon them

[ShutUpCasey]

Talk to me about it? :P AIM me. XCaseyisCRAZIEEX. I gotcheww. :3

[ccrunner]

It's ok I know it's hard to understand. All humans have a thing called lust even though they are happily in love they see and are really into even though they still like the "old" one. To make it easier think of it like this everyone knows that a Cadillac is better than a Chevy, so if you have a chevy(your bf) that you love to death and will never get rid of, but you still like the Cadillac(your best friend) but no matter whatyou still keep the chevy and that's ok

[Ace7]

For now, I think it would be best to just stay with your current boyfriend and let your emotions be. You have no reason to feel guilty about your thoughts, although I wouldn't suggest acting upon them while your best friend has a girlfriend.

[mr.sexy_bomb]

I think you should keep a distance with your friends, because if you dont feed love it dies, just hang out with your bf and forget about your friend for a while, hope this helps.