I'm scared I'll just do it

[Dunce]

I feel awful. For ages I've had no motivation, when I look to my future I see myself working, having money, perhaps having a family, but I never see myself happy. I've been depressed, unmotivated, and unemotional(if thats even a word) for three years. Only in the past few months I realised that no matter where I am, who I'm with, what I'm doing, I'm always unhappy. It's inside me. If I'm having depression now, what are the chances I'll have post natal depression? Postmenopausal depression? High, I'm thinking.
I feel so mentally unstable and unhappy, and I've felt like this for three years, which have felt like a lifetime. No matter what I do, it comes back, especially when I think about the future.
I'm scared that it'll just keep going, forever. Or, if I get help, it'll go for a while, and then come back, and keep coming back.
I'm scared that I wont be able to deal with that and I'll just kill myself.

[FullyAlive]

Please don't kill yourself!
Maybe you are more likely to get depression when your older I'm not entirely sure of the facts but I know I worry constantly that when I eventually stop I'll start self harming again. But at the end of the day none of us no the future, once you get out of this depression you might find yourself incredibly happy and that life is worth living but if you did kill yourself you'd never get to experience that.
And say you did get depressed in the future you' d be able to recognize that and seek help again.
I hope at least some of that made sense, I'm not sure if it will help at all.

[Dunce]

Please don't kill yourself!
Maybe you are more likely to get depression when your older I'm not entirely sure of the facts but I know I worry constantly that when I eventually stop I'll start self harming again. But at the end of the day none of us no the future, once you get out of this depression you might find yourself incredibly happy and that life is worth living but if you did kill yourself you'd never get to experience that.
And say you did get depressed in the future you' d be able to recognize that and seek help again.
I hope at least some of that made sense, I'm not sure if it will help at all.

I'm not planning anything don't worry... I'm just scared that maybe in the distant future I will :/
Yeah I guess so, it's just that, when this started I thought I'd be out of it by now, and I'm not.
it helped though, thank you :P

[Fiction]

I know exactly how you feel. Since about 3 or 4 years ago i've gone through phases of feeling really depressed and others where it isn't so bad.
You should try and get help. If you get help and you manage to get rid of it, and it recurs in the future, then you can just get help again.
Suicide is never worth it. There are so many people you would hurt, and you wouldn't feel happy if you where dead, you wouldn't feel at all.

[Oby.]

Like the first guy said... Please dont kill yourself! Or even if you arnt planning anything, don't think about it. I read your post, and when I came to the part about ur future, i realized there is no way in he'll you could get married and have a family without experiencing happiness. I think if you have plans for ur future then you will expirience happiness one way or another. But maybe you should get some help. Don't put these kinds of things on hold. The sooner you get help the sooner you have a chance if being happy.

[The Joker]

Remember, on the trampoline of life, the deeper and lower you go, the harder you'll bounce back up, landing into the sun. Because of your feelings right now, you will appreciate the positive ones in the future so much more. That's something to remember when you're down; this will make pleasure more pleasureful.

[SimSailorNick]

Just think of the things that make you happy (i'm pretty sure there are even if they're just a few) then keep doing those things, keep doing things related to them , keep doing those things with people who like doing them to. I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find happiness if you just try. :D