how do i tell them

[redmann]

i am gay . and my family is super against gays . how do i tell them? i dont want to be treated differently and dont want to be shut off or hated. i am who am i cant change that . i dont want to be a loner though like i want to have a bf ect. how do i make them understand and accept me

[Mrs.KermitTheFrogx]

Dont worry :/
ide say just tell them ...
but i wouldnt
im bii and my family thinks that gay/bi are not normal ...
so i cant tell them atall ... o_O
im sorry but i hope everything turns out okayxx

[nick]

There is no easy answer, its difficult to be able to have any hope of a real relationship if you are in the closet, this is an issue that many people on here have to face up to and address. Your family might react with shock, disappointment or even anger if you come out to them, and (this wouldnt happen here but does in the USA) could even suggest you need counselling or "treatment". But once they have a bit of time to adjust and get used to the idea they would probably come around, they will know you are still the same son that you always were and should love you just the same.

[redmann]

thanks for the advice nick. but 1 question. why is there no hope of a real relationship if im gay ?

[nick]

thanks for the advice nick. but 1 question. why is there no hope of a real relationship if im gay ?
That wasnt what I meant, I'm gay too. What I meant was that you cant be seen out on a date with another guy if you havent come out to your family and friends.

[redmann]

i probably wont come out until im out of the house .. if i ever do . thanks though

[ccrunner]

it will be hard no matter what but i would tell them what you said up there you are what you are you dont want to be treated different just say mom,dad we need to talk bout something big and just try to have a calm understanding conversation

THis is what i would do

[redmann]

that sounds good .

[Craig1995]

Wow I have the exact same problem redmann. It's a subject I really dread. For a long time I've been thinking up how it would go n how I would tell parents. I'd sit down with them and tell them then I'd say pretty much what u just said there just tell them how u feel. It will probs go fine and if u do tell them U ve got more guts that me mate :/

Hope I helped a wee bit

[redmann]

can some gay guys post their coming out with parnts stories so i can get an idea of what its lik
e

[The Joker]

i am gay . and my family is super against gays . how do i tell them? i dont want to be treated differently and dont want to be shut off or hated. i am who am i cant change that . i dont want to be a loner though like i want to have a bf ect. how do i make them understand and accept me

I'd suggest you get a plan of a possible alternative living location if you're planning on coming out to homophobic parents. They may react based on an impulse and kick you out. But, luckily enough, I HAVE heard of parents who are homophobes who aren't anymore, after their kids have come out to them.

[Craig1995]

Lol thanks for the horror story joker I guess u just have to hope for the best, I've heard Alot of parents surprise there kids by taking it supriseingly well even if they do or did seem a bit homophobic. I genuinely think it's one of the hardest things to come out and say.

[Captor K]

I used to be in the same position with my family - or thought I was anyway. Turns out my family wasn't as homophobic as I thought they were.

I spent a lot of time wondering how to come out to them. I had almost decided to do it in a letter, but it turns out just saying "I'm gay" gets the job done pretty well. I won't bullshit you, it takes a lot of nuts to say those words, but the minute I said them to my mother, I was fist-pumping the air.

I know it's hard for you. You can come up with any method of outing yourself that makes you comfortable, it's your decision to make. Hell, it doesn't even have to be hard. Hide in your parent's closet and when they come in, burst out dressed in rainbow clothes and go, "Merry Christmas!" The point is, do what you need.

[Craig1995]

Hide in your parent's closet and when they come in, burst out dressed in rainbow clothes and go, "Merry Christmas!" The point is, do what you need.

That made me lol XD

[The Joker]

Lol thanks for the horror story joker I guess u just have to hope for the best, I've heard Alot of parents surprise there kids by taking it supriseingly well even if they do or did seem a bit homophobic. I genuinely think it's one of the hardest things to come out and say.

I don't get how it's a horror story. It's saying that they may change their opinion if he does come out, but just in case, it might be a good idea if they temporarily kick him out. How is that scary?

[Craig1995]

I didn't mean it in a bad way, sorry I just meant that it's quite scary thinking u might get kicked out Ur house. Although yeah I guess horror story a bit of an exaggeration

[redmann]

thanks for the imput

[willrod]

can some gay guys post their coming out with parnts stories so i can get an idea of what its lik
e

I was sort of in the same boat- my mom's a devout Catholic, and my dad- I had no idea how he'd take it, as he never talks about gays or anything. I knew I had to tell my parents sooner or later, but every time I kept trying to work up the courage to tell them in person, I'd freak out and talk about something else. I actually came out to my sister first, because she and I are extremely close, and I knew she'd be understanding. But she didn't know how my folks would react either, but said that I should give it a try.

So just before I went to school the next morning, I got up at like 4 am and wrote my parents an email- it was really long, and I kept going on and on about how much I loved them and how I had been depressed and stuff- I couldn't find the strength to actually say "I'm gay". But at the end of the email, I put down something to the effect of "I just have to tell you that I'm gay". And I sat there for like 30 minutes, trying to work up the courage to press send. Eventually, I quickly pressed it, and the moment I did, I was overcome with nerves and ended up getting sick to my stomach.

Needless to say, my folks read it, and I was definitely nervous about what they'd say when I came home. As soon as I got off the bus, they were standing in the front yard, saying that I should go for a walk with them and talk. My dad didn't really say much, just asking me if I'm sure about who I am. My mom, on the other hand, kept saying that I'm probably confused, and that I should go to church and confess. I kept telling her that I've already done a lot of soul-searching and that I can't change who I am- she broke down and cried, and ended up locking herself in the bedroom and wouldn't leave the rest of the day.

Eventually though, things have gotten a bit better. My dad still doesn't talk about it much, but I think he's ok with it. My mom, while she still thinks I'm "confused"- she has sort of learned to live with it, and she's getting better about it more and more. It's been over a year since I've come out, and my folks still love me just the same.

If you need any help on coming out, feel free to send me a message- I'll be happy to help :)