Things are worse then ever

[mranderson]

For probobly the last month, things have been pretty good, ive only cut once, and i couldnt even do it, it just didnt feel right, but for probobly the last week or 2, ive just bin acting different, and everyone around me says i have. im always stressed, and will say and do things i dont mean todo that hurt other ppl. ive been haveing alot of suicidal thoughts, alot more than usual, and the thing that kills me the most, is that i cant control myself eating, i just eat and eat, i want to die every time i do, i feel huge, and im just getting bigger. Im never full. i no im a teenage and we eat alot but its abnormal how much i eat, i go into the kitchen every minute i can to get food. i feel discusting. When i look in the mirror, i think of all my friends and my girlfriand, and think, how could they like a person like me, why do i have any friends. And now i just isolate myself from everyone i no. Im spose to be getting counsiling, but i dont rly see how its going to help. this is only half of what im feeling right now. i havnt posted on the forum in awhile, i jst thought it was an appropriate time to.

[FullyAlive]

You don't seem to have a lot of self confidence or even seem to like yourself and you should I'm sure you're a wonderful person your friends and girlfriend will have a million reasons why they love you. Trust me if they didn't like you they wouldn't still be around. I think you should continue with the counsellong but just remember it's likely to be more effective if you actually want to be there. Just please talk to someone preferably an adult but a friend will do tell them about the thoughts you've been having talk to them it could help. Good Luck :)

[Fiction]

My mood goes in phases too. I can feel almost good for a while... hardly cut... and then i'll crash, and cut everyday. I know that because of this, I will feel better at some point, and I hold on to that. Maybe you could hold onto that too?
Binge eating disorder is an eating disorder where people eat large amounts of food, they "binge" in order to make themselves feel better. Is it possible you have that?

[Infected]

You're using food as a source of comfort, that's what is going on. I can relate to that, you're eating for the same reason some people cut, take drugs, drink, smoke, and so on. It makes you feel better. If I'm honest, it's actually not bad to comfort eat as long as you keep your weight in check and you don't purge, although they can be difficult.

Have you considered Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)? That's designed to help people with addictions like comfort eating, etc. Although it might not be for everyone. You can ask your doctor to refer you for it.

As for feeling depressed & suicidal, well, as I depressive myself, these phases tend to pass, but you should occupy yourself for the meantime. Play some video games, watch some movies, hang out with those friends (trust me, they love you), anything. And it will pass. Although if you feel on the very brink of suicide, I'd suggest going to ER/A&E and asking them to help keep you safe.