I could've stayed strong

[YesterdaysNews]

But I don't think I wanted to. Every night as of recently, I've thought of cutting. Wanting to do it. Wanting to bleed, to hurt, to be punished. But I resisted. Even when I was sobbing because I felt nothing but worthlessness. But tonight, I just told myself fuck it. I picked up one of the several razors that sit on my bedside table and I cut. I'm weird. I just did it because I was sick of not doing it. That can't be normal, as a self harmer I mean. Nothing I do is "normal". I'm weak, but I feel stronger after doing it. Like I've told the world the fuck their normalities and their views.
That was a pathetic little rant.

[spfreak]

Aw, it can be really hard sometimes to avoid urges. The reason you probably feel like you should do it is because your body feels like it is important or something you need. You're not weird, don't say that :). I hope you feel better soon and don't feel the need to cut.

[FullyAlive]

I don't think thats weird. It becomes an addiction right? You don't even need a reason any more you just need to feel the pain, the release. I think quite a few people on here will understand what you mean. But at the end of the day we all need to stop (i know that's hypocritical of me but never mind) you need to try and stay strong we are all here to help :) good luck

[Fiction]

I understand that feeling. Not every time I cut is because i'm that upset, or because anything major has happened. A lot of the time is because i'm just sick of not doing it. I don't know weather a lot of people experience this, and therefore if it is "normal", but i definatley experience it.

[MadManWithaBox]

Well it can be, it is addicting. Regardless of whether ther's a major problem in your life, the rush is hard to resist. You're not weak, you're human.

[Love.Hate]

Im sorry to hear that.
But i dont think your weird i have done that before.
Dont let it knock you down, slip ups happen. Just pick yourself
back up and try again. Hope your ok xx

[SilenceForSilence]

Don't worry about it. If my girlfriend Hadn't threatened to do it herself if I did, I wouldn't have stopped. I stopped almost a year ago and it's still REALLY hard not to. You seem to be trying really hard, so keep being strong. Why you did it is neither right nor wrong, so keep trying. I believe in you.

[YesterdaysNews]

It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels like that. Thanks for the responses everyone.

[Just _1_ Look]

Aaaww! I don't think your weird! People have different ways on handling situtations and hurt and pain!

[Mike321]

As the other have said, its not a strange thing to do, I went through a very similar thing to you over the past week or so, thinking about doing it all night.
I did it this time for what seemed like no reason, just becuase like you said, just got sick of not doing it
So yeahh, your not alone with this
Hope that helps

[Meaningless-Darkness]

I understand also! I dont always do it for a reason, i just feel like i need to do it. Sometimes the want to cut is so strong and the energy it takes to prevent myself from doing gets so much i just do it. To clear my head and releave the pressure. Im sorry you had to do it though, but dont beet yourself up about it these things carnt always be helped! Stay strong!

[YesterdaysNews]

Does it stop anyone else crying?
Because it does for me, almost immediately. instacalm I guess.

[Syvelocin]

^ Yep, if the intensity of the cut matches my current pain threshold. It'll take a few to get me calmed down if they aren't deep enough, but if they're just deep enough or a bit deeper than I wanted to go, I'll stop crying instantly. It's an addicting and deadly calm/high, I must say :/

[Alexithymia]

Yeah. Same here. It just stops the pain, the anger, the depression. Everything. It's a bit like a back massage. It stops hurting once they loosen your muscles, yet it eventually comes back. The analogy isn't perfect, like how a back massage doesn't become addicting or hurts you more in the end, but it will do for now.

[MadManWithaBox]

Yeah, cos its like, relief isn't it? Its like the cut release the bad feeling from your body. Even if its only temporarily.

[enjoying_my_insanity]

It stops me from crying too. I've actually cut or scratched to keep myself from crying before (like at school or when someone is around that would notice me crying but no me scratching my arm) so I guess it's somewhat normal to stop crying when you self harm....or at least you aren't alone!