Hope you understand my scribbles

[LilTurtle]

Hi, My name is Adrian but everyone calls me age. If you get to know me you will come to know I have alot of issues. But I figure everyone has the own monsters they have to deal with. I am gay but believe it or not.... that's not an issue in my life. I came out to my family and friends when i was 13. I don't look for pity or sympathy from anyone..... I don't need or want it. when i was 12 my brother killed himself and i was the lucky one to be there first. just so you know that fucked me up in the head. but im doing ok now i suppose. ever since that happened i've been seeing a doc and he said i should write down my feelings. i did that for the last 5 years. they are my scribbles and i would finally like to share some of them with someone.

life is made up of experiences. we have hundreds of them a day. some happen to us not by choice, while some we can direct like scenes in some movie. some experiences are great, some not so good, some sad, some boring, some horrible, and some so powerful they can change one's life. but they are all the same, they are all moments of time. they get chained together, one after then other, from birth to death. summing up and equaling one's life. my scribbles capture those moments of time. they allow me to remember my experiences, my life, in full color. when i'm an old man i can look back at my life and my scribbles and remember. who he was, what she looked like, how they made me feel so incredible, the moments and experiences we shared, the excitement, the joy, along with the anguish, the regret, and the sadness. the whole picture will be played out in my mind in full color. that is what my scribbles are, they are my life's chain of experiences, my moments in time. that is why i say they are mine and don't let anyone read them. they don't make sense for anyone else. and that is why i write them. i just wanted the person reading this to know.

i am
===
you think you know who you are until you're questioned one day
__questioned about your ability, your innocence, your way
3 years ago i lost a brother, oh so dear to me
__these are the words that were spoken from the one i long to see
hold on to my voice and remember who you are
__you're more than just a brother to me, you're my shining star
my brother always asked me do you know who i am?
__i'm a giver, i'm a brother, that's who i am.
after my brother was gone away off to the other side
__i tried to discover the person i was, the one on the inside
many times people tell me i'm not good at what i do
__and all i have to say to them is what i'm saying to you
do you know who i am? i ask in such anger and in rage
__and they look at me with fear in their eyes and shake their heads in shame
i'm a poet, an athlete, a leader, a brother;
__there's nothing that no one can do to make this vision of me end
do you know who i am? i say in such agony and pain
__i'm a writer, i'm a singer, i'm the sun in the rain.
do you know who i am? i ask in curiosity and in tears
__i'm a brother, i'm a fighter, and a son of 14 years
do you know who i am? i ask in sweetness and with pride
__i'm an angel, i'm a rascal, i have nothing to really hide.
do you know who i am? i ask in peace and in doubt
__i'm a goal setter, i'm an achiever, i know what i'm all about
do you know who i am? i would ask one last time with thrill
__if you don't know who i am by now, you very soon will.
---age i am march 2008

[LilTurtle]

my solitude
===========
when i need to escape the world
i turn to solitude for help
for he and i, we talk for hours
of love, life and loneliness
some may say i'm crazy
but solitude doesn't judge
instead he will sit and listen
to all my thoughts and dreams
though solitude can only stay a while
i make the best of our time
when solitude does leave me
then it is time to meet reality
---age my solitude june 2006

[LilTurtle]

thy kingdom come
=============
the time that i've wasted is my biggest regret
spent in these places i will never forget
just sitting and thinking about the things that i've done
the crying the laughing, the trust, and the fun
now it's just me and my hard driven guilt
behind a wall of emptiness i allowed to be built
i'm trapped in my body just wanting to run
back to my youth with its laughter and its fun
but the chase is over and there's no place to hide
everything is gone including my pride.
with reality suddenly right in my face
i'm scared, alone, stuck in this place.
now memories of the past flash through my head
and the pain is obvious by the tears that i shed.
i ask myself why and where i went wrong
i guess i was weak when i should have been strong
living for the drugs and the wings i had grown
my feelings were lost, afraid to be shown
as i look at my past its so easy to see
the fear that i had, afraid to be me
i'd pretended to be rugged, so fast and so cool
when actually i'm lost like a blinded old fool
i'm getting too old for this tiresome game
of acting real hard with no sense of shame
it's time that i change and get on with my life
fulfilling my dreams for myself without strife
what my future will hold i really don't know
but the years that i've wasted are starting to show
i just live for the day when i'll get a new start
and the dreams i still hold deep down in my heart
i hope i can make it, i at least have to try
because i'm heading toward death, and i don't want to die.
~~age thy kingdom come october 2006
a.k.a. wasted

[The Joker]

I suggest you post those in here: http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=126

[Charleigh]

ahaaa joker ... right ... o_O
welcome to vt and yes ... joker is right ... post there (:

[LilTurtle]

wired
=====
you are who i think you are
my friend on a wire or just an illusional desire
i am who you think i am
a friendship to aspire or just your delusional admirer
i want to touch the sound of silence now
you know i would if i knew how
i'm hearing without listening
and believing every word you are not saying
speaking without a sound
~~age wired march 2008

[SamB]

wow that first one is really moving and very good i have never really liked any poems before but that one is just incredibly moving

[tisdave]

Certainly brought a tear to my eye, Age.
You are one amazing person, a role model to many.

Keep smiling, and its great to know there are at least some people in the world, with a heart of gold. Nice to meet you.

[LilTurtle]

Certainly brought a tear to my eye, Adrian.
You are one amazing person, a role model to many.

Keep smiling, and its great to know there are at least some people in the world, with a heart of gold. Nice to meet you.

Thanks.... but i dont take compliments well. i'm not putting my scribbles here for the purpose of complimentary feedback.... but i do appreciate the kind words. I just want some of you guys to read what i feel and maybe feel something too.

~~age

[tisdave]

I know how you feel, and know where your coming from too.

[LilTurtle]

if i have to become someone other than me to be normal…. well that just ain't gonna happen. i don't work that way. i want to feel everything around me. sometimes i want to stand up and scream at the top on my lungs. i feel it inside of me and i just want to let it out. i want people to understand me. i'm a simple person. i can't be that difficult to understand. maybe its that people just don't care to understand me. why should they? who the hell am i? i would love to have the gift of inspiration. to be able to get up and sing, say, or write something that people can feel deep down within. i am obsessed with wanting to feel and take everything in. when it rains i watch my bedroom windows cry. i dream a sunrise...the sky pink, clouds like cotton candy we got from the carnival when we were kids. i listen to hear a snow storm. i can see something so amazing, close my eyes and see it all over again. i'm convinced that an obsession can drive your mind in circles.

i dont share my scribbles often because they dont make sense to others. but i connect with some of you guys. thanks. i will stop now. my mind is empty... for now.

yesterday, today and tomorrow
=======================
our minds awake as the alarm sounds it rings a doorbell inside! awake! awake a sound echoes, awaking the person inside. we answer the echo with a deep sigh and think it's another day! we look ourselves in the mirror, only we notice our eyes pushed deep down inside. we wash our faces to freshen up, yet we wash away our younger days! we do everything the same as any other day! there is no different in the first and last! we ponder when will our days change when we can call to some and be heard, we only call these days to the person inside. the seasons of the world change without notice, yet we see changes in the mind of the changing man! want to break free? listen to your heart, the deep echoes, which bounce of the walls. listen with care, imagine, feel, smell the fragrance, extend your open hands, hold the echo as a priceless gift. and walk to your destiny, this time will never come back. history is written.
~~age yesterday, today and tomorrow april 2007

[Aves]

Introductions :arrow: Open Book

[tisdave]

Good God! You may say it doesn't make sense to others, but i get 100% of what you are saying. Sometimes it's best to get the words out, especially written somewhere. I understand everything you've said above, and it's quite remarkable how it touched me, hopefully to the same extent as to many others.

[ikhasgkfjh]

I understand your scribbles, and I love them. Keep writing them :)

[LilTurtle]

ok.... i want to bring my thoughts together, so here goes.

everyone gets to their destination. thats the way things work....you start here and end there.

i believe i had a revelation this past thursday. i now understand doc and what he is trying to convey to me. if i want to be "normal" all i have to do is become numb to everything around me, just think and act exactly like everyone else. actually---nix the "think" part, that's not required. its very simple --- don't move, don't talk out of time, don't think, don't worry, don't hope for too much, don't breathe, don't achieve, don't answer, don't ask, don't try and make sense, don't whisper, don't talk, don't run, don't walk, don't rhyme, don't steal, don't try, don't feel, don't work, don't wish, don't lie, don't fantasize, don't teach, don't expect. i fuckin get it…just DON'T ! everything will be just fine. just be numb. when it comes to me, maybe everyone is right and i am wrong. maybe i need to accept.

that's not my revelation...this is. i believe that doc is the fucked up one here, not me. how is that for a revelation?

just more of my bullshit stuck inside this head.

---------------------------------

right now i am scared and i dont like the feeling. what scares me is that you may not like what you are looking at.... the true age. i look in the mirror and dont like what i feel. i'm not a picture on a web site. im not what you see walking down the street. sure you think i am cute, but the physical isn't important. its not what counts. the physical will continue to change. what makes me age isnt something you can look at or even touch. that's true for you and everyone. what makes me age are the words i throw down on a page, the thoughts floating around in my head, the feelings i have in my heart when i see a sun set. its everything on the inside. and some of my insides arent very attractive. some consider me a freak. actually many consider me that. a kid that sits in the back of a room -- alone. i hear what they say, im not deaf. but its ok--- tomorrow comes -- i dont care what they think. thats what scares me at times. you wont like whats going on in the inside... or understand me... or even want too know the real age. there's a broken kid in there. i have more issues than can be explained. but its better that you know all this now. at least for me it is. so before i get attached, you have the opportunity to turn and walk away. become a shadow in my memory. its ok if you turn--- i am use to it, and i understand the reasons. but please do it now.... not later. for me.

ok...enough about me. lets put some thoughts down about this place where we all live. the people that are all around us.

i look around and i see people just accept everything that is feed to them. we read or are told something and we say ok. the world is cold… people are cold. there is a war going on and kids not much older than us are being slaughtered like cattle. but who really cares? we just turn the channel and begin to laugh. i watch the news---a kid my age drug under a jeep--- bombs in the buses and roads--- people blowing up themselves it hopes to hurt others--- a soldier taken and bound and found later under a tree--- it's ironic--- bombs blow up mosques, and then they gather to pray. the rich wage war and it's the poor who die.... cliche but true. i suppose that makes it easier to accept. what for? is there any one answer? sex? no, not this time. power? sure, that fits. money? most definitely. they feed us that this is for our own protection. ok---i'll swallow that. but its really like some distorted bizarre magic trick. our leader just talks away, stuttering and mumbling for the nightly news. the rest of the world is watching scared and angry thinking "what the fuck did he just say?". as for us --- we sit in our comfort, get fatter, and believe that he is the next coming of Christ because he found a way to turn blood into oil. Abra--fuckin--cadabra! and the sick thing is no one cares---not really. we all say we do but that's just a way to make us feel better about ourselves. otherwise we couldn't live with ourselves. we watch it and we listen but it might as well be a fuckin coke-a–cola commercial. its just another one of those reality shows that we give two thumbs up. we are all fucking numb. its so easy not to care.


another scribble for your eyes.


my prison
=========
at night i sit alone and watch the shadows dance around
i hold my breath and listen yet silence is the only sound
i reach for some comfort yet feel no embrace
i am tired of the emptiness and loneliness of this place
i can feel no more hurt because i have learned to live with my pain
i often wonder how i survived and continue to stay sane (??)
i have hurt so deeply and cried too many tears
i have been empty and broken for so many years
i am tired of pretending that i am fine and all is okay
i am tired of hiding behind this mask i wear every day
i have drifted so far and can no longer be saved
these feelings hold me captive and to them i am enslaved
~~age my prison march 2008

.

[LilTurtle]

---- just some random thoughts i had jotted down in my book during a boring school day.

i sit here and begin to write, not sure of my intentions. for now i will write even though i know there is no one who will read me or listen to what i have to say. it doesn't come as a big surprise knowing that i am alone. i have come to expect that from life. i accept it and move on.

i can't be the only person to look at me and think....damm, that kid is fucked. i know i should leave it go and move on. i'm just so tired. i try so hard sometimes and things just don't happen they way i think they will or should. maybe my life isn't that much different from everyone elses.

when i accept that i am alone and dont look for something else out there....i am free. my insides relax and my mind releases. i feel at peace with myself. i am left with experiences that i control. maybe i shouldn't look to others. maybe what is normal for others just isn't and never can be normal for me. but than again, maybe i just think to dam much.

---------------------------------------

on one of His good days he can blow your mind. and then you just sit there and all stops. you wonder to yourself if this is what life really is.

there are no tomorrows without the todays
you can save the goodbyes if there were never hellos
there can be no sad ending without a new beginning


spiritual machines…. the year is 2029
the machines will convince us that they are conscious, that they have their own agenda worthy of our respect.
they'll embody human qualities and claim to be human, and we'll believe them.
take death for example.
a great deal of our effort goes into avoiding it.
we make extraordinary efforts to delay it and often consider its intrusion a tragic event.
yet we'd find it hard to live without it.
death gives meaning to our lives.
it gives importance and value to time.
time would become meaningless if there were too much of it.
if death were indefinitely put off, the human psyche would end up, well, like the gambler in the "twilight zone" episode.

------------------------------------------------------------

you can tell alot about someone by what they read and watch.
these are some of my favorite movies

imaginary heroes
life as a house
a guide to recognizing your saints
igby goes down
off the map
running with scissors
alpha dog
into the wild
american beauty


~~age

.

[LilTurtle]

myth, folklore or truth ?
a tricksta is conventional and almost always male. a character who appears in my mythical dreams. as the name suggests, tricksta’s love to play tricks on other gods and sometimes on humans. but perhaps the best definition of a tricksta is a boundary-crosser. the tricksta crosses both physical and social boundaries-- the tricksta is often a traveler, and he often breaks mutual rules. tricksta’s cross lines, breaking or blurring connections and distinctions between right and wrong, sacred and profane, clean and dirty, male and female, gay and straight, young and old, living and dead. the tricksta often changes shape, turning into an animal for example, to cross between worlds. in his role as boundary-crosser, the tricksta sometimes becomes the messenger of the gods. he who plays tricks that are too good for their own knowledge. i be the tricksta???


.

[ikhasgkfjh]

No I be the tricksta. See what I did there... With my name... lol Your my apprentice. :)

[grstl]

OOPS..double posted due to clunky computer. Please see the following, better post.

[grstl]

Your sttory and expressive scribbles stir me deep in my gut! Shared sorrow, intense frustration that we are told to just fit into our world, and a living eager hope for people like you and me.

My grief is from leaving my best childhood overseas to live landlocked in smalltown, USA.
I feel isolated in this crowd, because, like you, I am also a gay who has also fucked a girl.......except: I am still stuck in a very confining closet. I admire your boldness for being brave to be out. That courage should help you face your monsters. Please hope for me that I can face mine.

Stay beautiful, and Thanks!

[LilTurtle]

i was played for a fool and they won the game. its not me but it just fits.


kissed and confused
====================
i loved you once, i loved you twice
i climbed up the door and opened the stairs
said my pajamas and put on my prayers
then i turned off the bed and crawled into the light
all because tricksta kissed me goodnight
next morning i woke up and scrambled my shoes
picked up my eggs and toasted the news
i couldn't tell my left from right
all because tricksta kissed me goodnight
that evening at last i felt normal again
so i picked up my mother and called the phone
i spoke to the puppy and threw josh a bone
even at midnight the sun was still bright
all because tricksta kissed me goodnight

.

[LilTurtle]

we may ask ourselves if we've shown enough kindness and generosity and compassion to the people in our lives. perhaps we question whether we're doing right by our children, or our community, whether our priorities are in order. we recognize our own mortality, and we are reminded that in the fleeting time we have on this earth, what matters is not wealth, or status, or power, or fame -- but rather, how well we have loved and what small part we have played in making the lives of other people better.

.

[LilTurtle]

can i tell you something that is a bit disturbing? what i'm about to say is so selfish, it actually disgusts me. it actually revels the kinda person i really am. you now about my past. at least what i consider my past. that one event. for some reason i let that one event define my past, but i can't help it. anyway. i loved my brother so very deeply and i would never will this kind of tragedy on anyone. like i said before, at first you live with it, over time you just learned to accept it. but something happened to me that day, or at least in the months that followed. the circumstances surrounding everything…. my brother dying…..it freed me from something. it freed my mind. it freed my soul. my inner being. i'm not sure how to explain it. i can't put it into words but its in every word that flow out of me everyday, it in every feeling i feel, its always in my mind. and i like it. in some awful way i'm glad my past exists because i like my new freedoms. it troubles me that i feel this way. but it is what it is.
i just wanted to get that out.



argyle socks
==========
i see a boy who seems to be hiding from me
hatred is written on his face
his screamed out smile is permanently misplaced
his voice is hidden underneath doubt
he kneels on the ground begging for hope to let him go on
he closes his eyes waiting for a sound
refusing to believe that all hope is gone
~~age argyle socks january 2011





============
behind every great man there sits a rat.
and behind every great rat, there's a flea.
beside the flea there is an encyclopedia.
every now and then the flea sneezes, looks up,
and flies into action, reorganizing history.
the rat says, "God, i hate irony."
to which the great man replies, "now now now, darling, drink your tea."

.

[redman]

i can relate to that in someway the frist mouth my mouther died i was F up like bad but like a mouth later i stil didnt acept her death but i did have a big change in my life yes no mouther but i became a person who started to help people under stand people problems like idk how to explain it after she died i was a hole diffrent person. Makes me wonder if she didnt die would i still be this same person like i was befor her death or would i be who i am now

[LilTurtle]

i can relate to that in someway the frist mouth my mouther died i was F up like bad but like a mouth later i stil didnt acept her death but i did have a big change in my life yes no mouther but i became a person who started to help people under stand people problems like idk how to explain it after she died i was a hole diffrent person. Makes me wonder if she didnt die would i still be this same person like i was befor her death or would i be who i am now

redman--every event in our lives makes us what we are. you don't have to wonder. you already have the answer.


.

[LilTurtle]

from my best friend, the only person who really understands me and likes me anyway.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i've now discovered the true meaning of love.

i don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but i can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you, love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

i now understand how you feel.



.

[ikhasgkfjh]

I like whoever wrote that ;) Haha.

[TopGear]

reading this has inspired me to do the same, I'm going to start writing my life everyday in a notebook... I also found some lyrics that I think match this quite well.

We've all been sorry, (who we are) we've all been hurt
But how we survive, (who we are) is what makes us who we are

[LilTurtle]

im glad i can touch someone with my life's words. i hope you do but yourself, your life into your own scribbles. and if we are fortunate enough, we may be lucky enough to read you one day.

reading this has inspired me to do the same, I'm going to start writing my life everyday in a notebook... I also found some lyrics that I think match this quite well.

[LilTurtle]

brainwashed?
===============
a cold sweat breaks out onto my forehead as I remember the night before
too many pills, too much to drink, and too many strangers in my sheets
losing you was like walking on embers, fiery pits of hell
somehow you're trapped inside my warped concious
and I will never willingly let you go
I remember turtle nights, sitting on the wire with you
and future sunny days lying with your arms around me
but now I feel like a fool
all you ever did was spit your game at me
with my cold course hands, I inject light into my veins
brightening and coloring my insides beautifully - until I come down
your caramel eyes came to life when they searched mine
but now I realize all I saw in them were lies
betrayal doesn't suit you well
I regret pushing my fears to the side and giving you the chance to take the pain away
romanticising my wildest hopes that one day i'd find someone worth having
but you changed my mind last night
~~age brainwashed? february 2011


.

[Kevwee]

I Like that last scribble
brainwashed?
===============
a cold sweat breaks out onto my forehead as I remember the night before
too many pills, too much to drink, and too many strangers in my sheets
losing you was like walking on embers, fiery pits of hell
somehow you're trapped inside my warped concious
and I will never willingly let you go
I remember turtle nights, sitting on the wire with you
and future sunny days lying with your arms around me
but now I feel like a fool
all you ever did was spit your game at me
with my cold course hands, I inject light into my veins
brightening and coloring my insides beautifully - until I come down
your caramel eyes came to life when they searched mine
but now I realize all I saw in them were lies
betrayal doesn't suit you well
I regret pushing my fears to the side and giving you the chance to take the pain away
romanticising my wildest hopes that one day i'd find someone worth having
but you changed my mind last night
~~age brainwashed? february 2011


.

[LilTurtle]

in a blink
=========
lying awake in the middle of the night when the world is almost dead, with the rain drops dripping one by one... it feels as if the sky is raining my tears.

my fear is what keeps me awake. i close my eyes and try to slam it shut, but it begins to creep and crawl... branching out to all corners of the mind.

so many questions, yet very few answers. my mind spins its intricate web over my confidence and i lie here gasping for breath.

trying not to lose myself, my mind keeps thinking about the if’s and the probabilities.

no one ever mentioned a word about this.

it was not supposed to be like this.
~~age in a blink march 2011


.

[symbol4]

all your poems are very moving and different.
i really think you could go far with this.
relly good job!
i like the first one maybee the best! :):)

[Kdude146]

from my best friend, the only person who really understands me and likes me anyway.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i've now discovered the true meaning of love.

i don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but i can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you, love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

i now understand how you feel.



.


This relates to something that hapaned to me back in septemper 2010 and is on going I told the girl I like about someting I was ashamed of doing and I almost got charged for what I did but her kindness and the suport of my two best friends got my through it and I did not get charged! everything you right is so inspiaring I am a part of the student leadership program at my school and I think it would be awesome if you would come to my school and other school to tell your stoy stories

[restricted NA]

I know u don't like compliments :P , but i really have to say your poetry is brilliant, just how the way it describes your life in such a artistic way. keep it up :):)

[Kdude146]

from my best friend, the only person who really understands me and likes me anyway.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i've now discovered the true meaning of love.

i don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but i can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you, love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

i now understand how you feel.



.

I hope you don't mind if I quote this again but your msg is getting out there becuase my boy friend said this to me a few weeks a go and I remeber I saw this before and looking back at the stuff you wright I saw it came from you so my boy friend fits all this stuff and I have told him a lot of stuff that I am ashamed of and he still loves me and wants to be with me and I want to be with him too he saved my life when I was thinking about killing myself he is everything to me I wright a lot of poems for him becuase of how much he means to me and I know I mean a lot to him to he is my best friend and we are yet to met face to face cuz I live in Ontario and he is in Florida I still beleve that is the meaning of love and I hope you keep doing good work and I just saw that your friend is the one who made this so I am glad you got a friend like my boy friend and I think me and you would be good friends so plz feel free to msg me sometime

brainwashed?
===============
a cold sweat breaks out onto my forehead as I remember the night before
too many pills, too much to drink, and too many strangers in my sheets
losing you was like walking on embers, fiery pits of hell
somehow you're trapped inside my warped concious
and I will never willingly let you go
I remember turtle nights, sitting on the wire with you
and future sunny days lying with your arms around me
but now I feel like a fool
all you ever did was spit your game at me
with my cold course hands, I inject light into my veins
brightening and coloring my insides beautifully - until I come down
your caramel eyes came to life when they searched mine
but now I realize all I saw in them were lies
betrayal doesn't suit you well
I regret pushing my fears to the side and giving you the chance to take the pain away
romanticising my wildest hopes that one day i'd find someone worth having
but you changed my mind last night
~~age brainwashed? february 2011


.

I feel the same way right now but I really want to fix things with my boy friend cuz of everything that we have been though and I don't want to let him go but at the sametime I am feeling so hurt that I want to move on when I am ready. I am so confuesed right now and I wish I knew what to do and I know you posted this a long time a go but I hope things are better for you now

edit: I found out what happend is not his falut but his dad's and i should have knowen better then to think he would leave me with out saying anything and I still feel like this a bit but not as much now that I know the truth

Please do not double post. ~Thomas

[TheMatrix]

Please don't bump old threads.

:locked: