zebravomt
December 23rd, 2010, 12:35 AM
I had no where to post this so i picked here cuz loss is a big problem in my life.
My mom and my step dad got a divorce. i never really cared for him so it was no biggy. i then met someone who would change my life and start a chain of shit.... my gramdpa. I never knew who he as untill he needed help cuz he had cancer.
My dad and his wife took him in and i got to know him. I loved him. We played this old game called fargle, we baked and just hung out. I never knew how back his cancer was getting. He died not more then 6 moths after i got to know him. It was so hard cuz i felt as if life gave me a loly pop, i licked it 6 times and i droped in the sand. it was the worst feeling ever.
Time pased and more darkness was building. My dad told me that him and my step mom where to get a divorce. This hurt, VERY bad. I loved my step mom. She had two kids that where my sisters, not by blood but love. There didnt have a dad cuz there dads where drunks. My dad was there dad. wel all loved one an other.
The divorce was so hard but we did it. My dad and iwould see my 2 sisters every other weekend. it was hard but better then not seeing them at all. We took the youngest one and I to a hotel and the beach for the 4th of july. we had so much fun but if i knew that would be the last time i would ever see her i would of never left.
We waited outside for her mom. We sat at a fountin and made a wish together. I (being the stupid person i was) wished for an ice cream cuz it was so hot. ( i never got some >:P). I asked what she wished for, she started to cry and said, "for everything to be the way it was before all this!" When her mom came to pick her up she waved goodbye and drove off. zthat was the l;ast thing she said to me.
We found oput that for some reason the mom didnt want us to see her or the other sister anymore. My dad could not fight for them cuz there where not his birth kids. I have to say that this was one of the hardest thing i ever had to go thorugh.
I cryed myself to sleep for months. wishing and hopeing that i would wake up from this hell. I never did, instead you can say i fell in to a coma of hell. My mom re married a man in the army. He was in SF and he was very pi-poler. I never knew that this was even a disorder!
He would yell at me and call me the pilsberry doghboy (fat) but then go out and buy me rockband. this messed me up so much. i never knew when he was ready to blow up or do something amazing like take me out to ice cream.
Cuz of his job we had to move to NC. Me and mom went with him. We drove trhere. when i got there i was put in this bad bad school.I am not racit at all but the people there was. I was the micoscopic white dot on a huge blaack paper. and i was made fun of for this. I was pushed down sairs and force to eat luch in the bathroom olone. I got fed up and just didntgo.
Mom sent me back home to where we used to live cuz my uncle lived there now and i went back to my old school (BAD UDEA)
There they all hated me, idk why but theye did. I soon hated it i didnt want to go, so i didnt. I was sent back to NC once more and moved on base and went to a good school. i love this school! I never went to a better one. but still the hard ship of life never stoped. Somewher along the lines my dad lost his job, almost died 2 time. my other grama died of cancer and my stepdad punched my laptop...
you see my step dad ws born and rased in the army life. He spent 4 hours yelling at me about how i fold my pants. he comes in my room every day and opens things up and what not just to see if evrything is army tidy! I hate it so fucking much!!! IT PISSES ME OFF SO FUCKING MUCH I CANT BREATH. If i EVER try to stand up for myself i get grouned, and not from the computer but from h=everything, even reading and painting.
oh i cant stand this any more. about 7 months ago some kid told me that " wow you whent thopugh all that shit and you still havnt killed yourself" i laughed cuz i knew he was jokeing but i couldnt get it out of my head. Have i no reason to liv? Willmy life just end soon anyways? But i met a teacher just a while ago that realy chnged me. She is my reading techer. she has this free whrite thing in class then we share. It helps. she told me about her childhood and that she is happy in a way that she whent thouigh all that shit.
She said that now she knew what to do if she wanted to help someone that has the same problems. I know have forgiven people that some people say i shouldnt. Like i understand why my grandpa died, and im happy he's dead and not suffering tolive cuz he was in there fighting for just 1 breath for himself. he was doing it for me. so i would not be sad. i forgave my ex step mom for what she did, even if i still hate it. i for give my step dad for the way he is, he cant help it.
I understand things now. i had to grow up so fast that i missed some of my childhood. all that happend in 1 1/2 years. it came and whent so fast. i share my story today to show you that you dont need a reason to live, but life itself. you can forgive people for leaving you. Dont be sad when someone dies, be happy. Dont be happy there dead but happy they no longer have to fight to lift there head up, fight just for 1 last breath, they only did it for you. I promis the next timei have a family member or someone closes about to die, i will tell them its ok to die. I will be ok, we all will be ok. Stop harming your self and just let nature take it part.
Oh gosh im so sorry this is so long, if you really read it al thanks. and im sorry about all the grammer probs, i just got this new keyborad and itslike this wave kind and i dont like it.... lol
My mom and my step dad got a divorce. i never really cared for him so it was no biggy. i then met someone who would change my life and start a chain of shit.... my gramdpa. I never knew who he as untill he needed help cuz he had cancer.
My dad and his wife took him in and i got to know him. I loved him. We played this old game called fargle, we baked and just hung out. I never knew how back his cancer was getting. He died not more then 6 moths after i got to know him. It was so hard cuz i felt as if life gave me a loly pop, i licked it 6 times and i droped in the sand. it was the worst feeling ever.
Time pased and more darkness was building. My dad told me that him and my step mom where to get a divorce. This hurt, VERY bad. I loved my step mom. She had two kids that where my sisters, not by blood but love. There didnt have a dad cuz there dads where drunks. My dad was there dad. wel all loved one an other.
The divorce was so hard but we did it. My dad and iwould see my 2 sisters every other weekend. it was hard but better then not seeing them at all. We took the youngest one and I to a hotel and the beach for the 4th of july. we had so much fun but if i knew that would be the last time i would ever see her i would of never left.
We waited outside for her mom. We sat at a fountin and made a wish together. I (being the stupid person i was) wished for an ice cream cuz it was so hot. ( i never got some >:P). I asked what she wished for, she started to cry and said, "for everything to be the way it was before all this!" When her mom came to pick her up she waved goodbye and drove off. zthat was the l;ast thing she said to me.
We found oput that for some reason the mom didnt want us to see her or the other sister anymore. My dad could not fight for them cuz there where not his birth kids. I have to say that this was one of the hardest thing i ever had to go thorugh.
I cryed myself to sleep for months. wishing and hopeing that i would wake up from this hell. I never did, instead you can say i fell in to a coma of hell. My mom re married a man in the army. He was in SF and he was very pi-poler. I never knew that this was even a disorder!
He would yell at me and call me the pilsberry doghboy (fat) but then go out and buy me rockband. this messed me up so much. i never knew when he was ready to blow up or do something amazing like take me out to ice cream.
Cuz of his job we had to move to NC. Me and mom went with him. We drove trhere. when i got there i was put in this bad bad school.I am not racit at all but the people there was. I was the micoscopic white dot on a huge blaack paper. and i was made fun of for this. I was pushed down sairs and force to eat luch in the bathroom olone. I got fed up and just didntgo.
Mom sent me back home to where we used to live cuz my uncle lived there now and i went back to my old school (BAD UDEA)
There they all hated me, idk why but theye did. I soon hated it i didnt want to go, so i didnt. I was sent back to NC once more and moved on base and went to a good school. i love this school! I never went to a better one. but still the hard ship of life never stoped. Somewher along the lines my dad lost his job, almost died 2 time. my other grama died of cancer and my stepdad punched my laptop...
you see my step dad ws born and rased in the army life. He spent 4 hours yelling at me about how i fold my pants. he comes in my room every day and opens things up and what not just to see if evrything is army tidy! I hate it so fucking much!!! IT PISSES ME OFF SO FUCKING MUCH I CANT BREATH. If i EVER try to stand up for myself i get grouned, and not from the computer but from h=everything, even reading and painting.
oh i cant stand this any more. about 7 months ago some kid told me that " wow you whent thopugh all that shit and you still havnt killed yourself" i laughed cuz i knew he was jokeing but i couldnt get it out of my head. Have i no reason to liv? Willmy life just end soon anyways? But i met a teacher just a while ago that realy chnged me. She is my reading techer. she has this free whrite thing in class then we share. It helps. she told me about her childhood and that she is happy in a way that she whent thouigh all that shit.
She said that now she knew what to do if she wanted to help someone that has the same problems. I know have forgiven people that some people say i shouldnt. Like i understand why my grandpa died, and im happy he's dead and not suffering tolive cuz he was in there fighting for just 1 breath for himself. he was doing it for me. so i would not be sad. i forgave my ex step mom for what she did, even if i still hate it. i for give my step dad for the way he is, he cant help it.
I understand things now. i had to grow up so fast that i missed some of my childhood. all that happend in 1 1/2 years. it came and whent so fast. i share my story today to show you that you dont need a reason to live, but life itself. you can forgive people for leaving you. Dont be sad when someone dies, be happy. Dont be happy there dead but happy they no longer have to fight to lift there head up, fight just for 1 last breath, they only did it for you. I promis the next timei have a family member or someone closes about to die, i will tell them its ok to die. I will be ok, we all will be ok. Stop harming your self and just let nature take it part.
Oh gosh im so sorry this is so long, if you really read it al thanks. and im sorry about all the grammer probs, i just got this new keyborad and itslike this wave kind and i dont like it.... lol