Giving up...

[steph89]

Hiya, I'm new here and I dont really know what I'm expecting but I feel like nothing else has helped make me feel better so anything is worth a try (and you all seem like lovely people).
So I've been diagnosed with moderate/severe depression and I have tried 3 different antidepressants and none have them have helped at all. I've attempted suicide just over a year ago but chickened out and made myself sick after taking a lot of pills, and now I'm having an ongoing struggle with self harm. I just feel like everyday I wake up thinking things cant get any worse in my life, and then I realise I was wrong when something does happen. Whether it be my family arguing, my flatmate accusing me of stealing, university exams going terribly, anything really....
It seems like the smallest thing can happen and I will overreact to it and it will seem like the worst thing in the world that could have happened. Yesterday I was feeling okay for a change and then I got home and my flatmate decided to tell me that "living with me had made her life hell" and she's never been so unhappy. She told me I'm stealing her xbox games, when I dont even have an xbox to play them on. I took a bottle of juice, when I wasnt even in the flat the night that was meant to have happened. And she says she's been setting traps to find out when I've been in her room, and I've never been in there unless she's in the flat but she doesnt believe me. I asked her what I was supposed to have done in her room as I wouldnt just go in there for a sit down but she couldnt give me an answer, she didnt realise that was because I hadnt been in. She's talking about getting the police involved, but surely they'll just laugh in her face if she says I took a bottle of juice etc. There cant be any proof of anything that she said I have done, as I havent done it.
That is just the tip of the iceberg really though, there is a lot of stuff thats happened before with my family and stuff which I dont know how to deal with. I just feel like I am at the end of the road now, I dont know how much worse I can feel without wanting to give up for good.
Sorry for the major rant though...

[Fiction]

Don't be sorry it's what we are here for :)
Is there any way you can move rooms? It sounds like she's a bit of a bitch and if she's making you that unhappy you should try and stay away from her :)
You sound exactly like me. I attempted suicide a while ago, and threw up all the pills. I struggle with self harm.
Have you tried councelling? Are there more meds you can try? maybe a combination of some new meds and councelling could help you?
Feel free to contact me if you want to talk :)

[steph89]

Thanks for the reply.
I cant really move out of the flat, there is only the two of us live here (well and her boyfriend who is here nearly every night too). I’d have to find somebody to replace me and they have to be a student at my uni too as that’s where I rent the place from.
I have tried counselling before, I have seen two different people but I didn’t get on with the first one and I found that with the second one I would come out feeling worse than when I went in so thought it was best to stop going.
I could ask the doctor about different meds but I think they have given up on me really, this is the third doctor I have seen about it and they all just seem at a loss. She doesn’t let me have any more than 2 weeks worth of tablets at a time so I cant stock pile them and do something stupid again. I have also been to see a psychiatrist who was no use as he said he’d put me on a waiting list for CBT, the wait is about 6 months and if that doesn’t work then go back and see him. Every day is a struggle, so 6 months seems impossible to get through L
I was really looking forward to Christmas but now all this has happened its going to ruin it for me, I just wanted to be happy for a few days but something always happens to prevent that.