DismaliciouSx
December 22nd, 2010, 03:22 AM
ok so i was talking to my friend about how im getting more and more deoressed. and all he can say now is that he undertands, well he doesnt, no one does so everyone just stop fucking saying you understand, you will never understand or care enough to save me, nobody matters to me anymore and the only reason and i can think of being alive anymore is because i dont have anything lethal enough to kill me quickly. im sick of everyones bullshit saying they care when they know damn well that if i wasnt so close to suicde they wouldnt even take a second look at me. not even my own family can see how low i am, i've made three attempts on my life already and nobody notices, WTF are people blind?!?!? and my other "friend" helped me realize that when i do finally get a gun or something that after im gone a lot of people will be happier and that hardly anyone will notice. last thursday i got into a fight with my dad about one of my friends (the only one i will miss and hes the second reason im still alive) and then my mom got mad at hm for getting mad at me and then my dad has the fucking nerve to say to me "if you would just die me and your mom would never argue", then monday we got in a fight again about me and food and he actually... tried to hit me ._. its not that im afraid of him cause its the first time hes ever done something like that and i know my mom or sister would freak on him if he hit me. and then the worst part, i havent cut for three years but that night just pushed me over the edge because in between those two fights i found out my girlfriend was cheating on me and the day after that my friend was admitted to the hospital cause he tried to overdose on sleeping pills (not the one thats been saving me btw). so yeah thats my failure of a rant, im sorry for taking up space by posting this but it feels good to let it out.