LonelyPirateatSea
December 21st, 2010, 11:17 AM
Well i guess some background if you will. I have a social anxiety and have panic attacks in social situations and I cut myself. I do see a counselor. But lately things have gotten kinda bad. My bestfriend has pretty much blown me off repeatedly for the last month and i can tell he doesn't wana be friends anymore. that hurts cuz we hung out literally every day for a real long time. My other bestfriend ,lets call her jenn, means the absolute world to me but I can't usually see her cuz she is so busy. I know i'm not really her bestfriend cuz she has so many people in her life. It just hurts so much because I feel so alone and it feels like no one cares and I don't wana feel attached to someone cuz it feels like they'll just let me down. I wana cry so bad but I just can't anymore. But I do feel so attached to jenn and when we hang out it's the greatest thing to me. idk i know deep down that i really don't have anyone i can truely count on. As far as girlfriends or relationships go I have never had one or even been close. I'm 17 n that makes me feel even worse about myself like a complete loser. I use to think I was special not like in an arrogant way but like a self confidence way. Anymore it just feels like I'm just another screw up n that my feelings don't matter. Well all this makes the cutting worse. I was just wondering if anyone else can sorta relate to this or had any thoughts.