Im scared ..

[LittleEpidemic]

Ive becom a blood thirsty monster
I just want to watch myself bleed...
Ive never been like this before
It used to be that it was the pain of cuts that stopped me thinking of the emotional pain
Now its different
I want to cut even when nothings wrong...
I want to stop
But i want to continue even more ...

[spfreak]

Cutting is addictive. It can take over you. Maybe get some help; talk to someone about it.

[ShinigamiMaiden]

you probably want to cut more because there is an addiction to it once you start. it's best to try and control yourself now than it is to go on like this. it will only get worse if you don't stop yourself. as for wanting to see yourself bleed, why is that? everybody cuts for diffrent reasons. personally. i don't like the pain or the blood.

[LittleEpidemic]

I dunno since i started again (3 weeks or so) ive cut like 70 times and today i just had this horrible want to see myself bleed... I didn give in for a few hours then it became to much
Ive never cut deep
All my cuts are shallow
But im worried ill get worse

[Njathind]

Emma

Remeber what you have been telling andrew a.k.a Costanza, you've gotta pick yourself up and really fight so as not to cut. It is addicting I know but you can do it, you have to. We can do it together, all of us.

[LittleEpidemic]

I know
Im such a fucking hypocrite
I hate it
But whats worse is i know how to stop its just when it comes down to it i dont really want to...
I mean i hate the fact that i bleed for lots of shit but i dont know how else to cope. In 3 weeks ive forgotten how to live clean...

[Njathind]

Well in that case, if your strong enough, force yourself to stop. Even if you manage to come out of a situation once withought cutting, it's progress.

Now tomorrow is Monday, the start of a new week, now can you make me a promise that you will try to live a clean week? for me and andrew?

And don't worry about being a hypocrite, I'm just as bad :(

[LittleEpidemic]

Right, for you and andrew
And for christmas x)
I promise <3

[Njathind]

Right, for you and andrew
And for christmas x)
I promise <3

Thankyou, and for a change I wont be a hypocrit, I'll join you.

After all it's only 5 days, how hard can it be?

[LittleEpidemic]

Good :D we shud make a pact with andrew

But in truth its gonna be very hard "/
No point in polishing the edges is there?
Its gonna be hellish
But as you said its gonna be 5 days
So lets take tomorow as in i promise you one day and if you succeed promise another, we can do it :)

[Njathind]

We should, in fact I'm gonna post a comment on his profile. And yeah it's gonna be hellish, and real hard but I'm sure we can do it.

*goes to post andrew a comment*

[LittleEpidemic]

Lol. Ive been tempted the past couple of hours but i have hope now ;
:
^^

[Njathind]

As you said you have hope now. I've just posted on andrews wall.

Now lets stay strong. :whoops:

[LittleEpidemic]

XD this is beggining to look rather cheesy and pathetic :')
Ah well if it kills our addictions its worth it ;)