this is my third complete meltdown withen the past 6 months

[msbrooklyn]

ok heres the basics, im about to be 16, ive lived with my mother my whole life and i have no clue who my dad is. i have very little support from my family, theyre a load of shitheads to be honest. ive been in therapy since i was 4. ive watched my mom nearly die before my eyes 3 times and ive nearly died 7 times give or take a few. i was recently diagnosed with psychosis but ive had it my whole life. i have lots of great friends i could talk to about this but they have so many of their own problems i dont want to bother them. i have been bullied my whole life for various reasons mainly being overweight and smart. ive never thought of suicide but now i think about it sometimes, im way to scared to do it but i just want all this madness to be over with.

now more detail. i have a great life im super optimistic about everything and everyone knows me as a happy person. when i actually feel sad in public no one believes me because they just dont know me to be sad. when i was four me and my mom got in a car wreck and i saw her broken to pieces, bleeding and i thought dead. for the next three years i lived with her in the middle of nowhere and i had to take care of myself and her. those three years almost killed me emotionally. i had no friends. i had nothing to do. i lived depressed and alone taking care of my mom. people say im having these breakdowns now because ive held in all my emotions in the past and they may be right, but i cant take it anymore!!! in the past 6 months ive been put on probation (dont ask im not telling) ive been hospitalized because i wanted to be put in a mental institution but i wasnt suicidal so they let me go. then i was in the hospital again because i smoked some weed laced with pcp (i didnt know about the pcp) and almost died. then i go to the hospital again because i ran out of medication (ive been taking meds since the first hospital visit) they let me go again even though i begged to be put somewhere. i just want to scream at these people WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET SOME SERIOUS HELP!!! im dieing inside! i can handle life! i cant handle living! but i have so much i love :( i want to go to college and be a pilot but ill never pass my medical exam with these psychiatric problems. right now all i have to live for is the hope that i will be able to fly away from all my problems but right now that chance of flying is slim to none. i just dont know what to do. i need someone to love me and cry with me :( am i hopeless? what the hell is wrong with me! why cant i be admitted into a mental hospital?! my dreams are gone... my health is too... ive got nothing left to live for...

[SilenceForSilence]

You may not need a mental hospital. I know you're on meds but you should tell your doctor all of this. Don't do drugs: they just make things harder. I'm really sorry I don't know how to help you. Please don't kill yourself. It's not the answer. Just hang on. If your doctor can't help you do your best to find a better one, ok? Take care. Be safe.

[Magenta]

Wow. You've been through a lot. I know how it feels to have to take care of a parent. It takes a great emotional toll, for sure. But you can get through this. Everyone here knows you can. We will be here to hug you and let you cry. It's okay to cry.

I agree that you should speak to your doctor about the medication. And if you are still in therapy, take advantage of it and make these feelings be known. Do not kill yourself. You're too good a person. I think people go through all this so when they finally make it to the other side, they can help others.

Best of luck. I'm always here to talk to.

[Shadowhunter]

Holy, you have been through quite the ordeal of things really more than anyone should have to go through especially so when you're so young (even then no one should have to) it all sounds pretty traumatic......I understand the whole weight and intellegence thing...but please do not let people get you done on that....people have a tendency to mock and beat down people that arn't in there vision normal.....to be honest their vision is seriously lacking and they obviously need glasses...and they are usually the people that later on in life you will find out they had a lot of problems...and took it out on people..I get mocked all the time at my school because I like to chill in the library and because I'm in advanced classes...it bothers me some..but then I think..they are mocking me because maybe they are jealous they don't have a knack for some of the things I do. I don't think you need to be placed into a mental hospital...I think maybe you need to express you're self more to the people you care for..and really let them know how you feel and whats going on...maybe even one person just someone you can truely confide in...please don't think of suicide...I really don't think thats an answer....everyone has or will find something to live for...just try and think of all these really terrible things...if you will are shaping you from the unmolded clay we all start of at birth..and that it is shaping you into a person that maybe later on in life you will be able to look back on this and help people go through similar situations like Limmenel... and at some point you will find something worth living for something that you can't imagine to live without...you just have to believe in even the darkest of times...one always has the choice to try and find the light..because no matter how bad things get there always is that light in a pit of darkness.....I don't know if I am making sense...but I really hope this helps...you just have to believe things will eventually get better....and express youre self some more to people..If you ever need someone to talk to..don't hesitate to pm me or anyone here ...everyone is willing to help you.

[JunkBondTrader]

I'm so sorry to hear that. All you have described sounds so incredibly tough and it sounds like things are rough with family too. The thing is, if you want someone to cry with you, a mental hospital is not the place to turn. Family is your best option but if that's not feasible, try turning to a close friend. Just tell them what you've been telling us and they'll know what to say. :)

[ortmann123]

sorry to say this, but it sounds like you have a pretty miserable live...
but hang in dude, if you claim to be smart your life will only get better after highschool.
i know drugs might seem like a solution, but it isn't... it dragged me trough a hell and made my pretty good life a shithole, imagine what it should do to your...well lets say 'not a happy life'. i've been clean for 3 weeks now and still more and more problems pop up from misstakes made in the past.
i would recommend a shrink, helped for me

[ortmann123]

oh god i called you dude xD sorry im on a psp so i cant see profile pics, assumed you where a guy xp