Relapse

[Nevermore]

So I was doing great with not self harming. I went a bit over a month without it. Which was the longest in months. Then I just I gave up. I don't really know what happened. I just couldn't take it anymore. Since then I've been self harming quite often. I just feel incredibly low. I constantly have the need to hurt myself. Whether its hitting my head against the wall, scraping, cutting, burning, or pulling scabs off. I need it. Rather, I feel as I need it. I'm going crazy. I feel so insane, so not able to control myself, my emotions, nothing is in my control. I'm so numb emotionally and physically. I am constantly breaking down, in the bus, in class, at home. Everywhere and anywhere I'm always crying. I need help. I can't live like this. I haven't seen my pshycologist in a few weeks, I'm hoping to see her soon, so I can tell her that I'm struggling and constantly having an emotional breakdown. I feel like I'm going to do something stupid. I feel like I'm going to cut to deep by accident. When I'm hurting myself I don't realize how much, how hard I'm going. I just keep going, until there is a significant amount of blood flow, or it starts to burn like crazy. I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want an accident. I just need help. What can I do to be stable again? What can I do other then hurt myself? I need distractions. When I get psychotically crazy depressed, I feel like I can't sit still, I have no patience to sit down, draw or express emotions, nothing other then hurting myself will suffice. Please, please help me. :( I feel so low, I'm stupid, I'm fat, I'm ugly, no one likes me. Everyone I feel wants to hurt me. Everyone is out to get me. I'm sick of waqtching someone else control my body while and having no control over it. I'm sick of feeling dirty because of the sexual abuse I was put through years ago. I thought I was over this?! Why can't I just get over this. Why am I still holding onto the bullying and sexual harrasment. I just want to let it go. I want it all to end. :(

[LittleEpidemic]

first, if that's you in your picture you're not fat in the slightest and im really jealous of your hair
would it be possible to phone your pshycologist? or talk to someone else?

[Nevermore]

That is not me in the profile pic. My hair is similar though, just longer. I am embarrassed to ask for her number. I think I might search for it online so I don't have to go to my parents for it. I talk to my best friend, and he tries to help, which is nice. However, he can't take my feelings away. :(

[whereismymind]

If you feel low try to focus on something else, if you feel like your gonna cut get away from your blades if you can just go out for a walk for a while. Your not ugly and your not fat and don't put yourself down like that. If you ever need to talk message me.

[georgiamay]

I know exactly how I feel. I once went about 90 days or something, and then I slipped back. Now I'm doing it so much more often that I used to. I know exactly what you mean.

Distraction are normally quite good, so maybe there's the elastic band thing? I'm pretty sure you know what that is, if not, let me know and I'll tell you :P but if you do that, you'll need to try and make sure you don't go too far with it. Or you could just find any excuse to leave the house. Just go for a walk, so you won't be able to cut (if you don't take your blades with you), plus fresh air sometimes does some good. Or you could cry, I know that sounds weird, but crying is a form of release, and it's a much better one than cutting. Here's a site with a few other ways to distract yourself, just click the smiley face ===> :) (http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/copingtipsanddistractions)

I think the best thing to do is try and get an earlier appointment with your psychologist. Tell them that you're struggling, and you really need someone to talk to. I can assure you that everyone is not out to get you. I know me saying that probably won't make you believe it, but I kind of feel like I should say that. Also, If you want to control over your pain, cutting is doing the opposite. Once you get addicted it controls you. I'm so sorry about what you've been through, I really am, I can't express that any more. But hurting yourself won't make it any better. Talking will. Through talking to your psychologist, one day you won't feel dirty anymore, and you'll be in control again.

I'm always here if you ever need someone to talk to, just drop me a PM :hug3:

[LittleEpidemic]

You shouldnt be embarressed to ask for her number, if you can wait until you next see her ask for it then but if not you should try and get it
Um..
Its already been mentioned but the elastic band thing helps me an awful lot but instead of a plain elastic band i use one of the ones used to tie your hair up, the ones with the metal bit
Pm me if you need to talk :)

[Mike321]

You did really well for making it to a month, thats really good, but I know what you been about slipping back and doing it more often (I've been doing that alot recently)
I think distractions are a good thing to try, just do anything that takes your mind off it, whatever it might be, anything that takes your thoughts away from SH is a good thing. Like Georgia said, maybe go out for a walk, it might help to clear your head and it'll get you out of the house for a while.
As the others have said though, see if you can get an earlier appointment with your psychologist, and the next time you see her, maybe ask her for her number and explain to her that your struggling and really need her help.
I hope this helps, I'm always here if you need someone to talk to

[notactive]

Totally agree with Mike, congrats for making it a month that is some achievement. I know it seems hopeless when you relapse but just think you managed to stop before and this can't last forever, is there anything that you did before that helped you to stop that you could try again ?? I don't exactly know how you can distract yourself especially if your patience is very low, I usually make sure I'm around a certain person or think of that one person that I don't want to self harm around.

If you really try and think of a reason, more than one is good, that you don't want to self harm and whenever you want to self harm, write them down on a piece of paper or repeat them out loud over and over again, that sometimes helps me.

Hope this helps =)

[TheFountainGoddess]

about the distraction thing...i recommend reading a book...and not just any book...a REALLY good book...read the hunger games by suzanne collins...whether you've read it already or not