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Vaneskera
December 15th, 2010, 10:19 PM
My friend Ellie and I worked on this together. The plot is mine, but the writing is a blend between both of us. Anyone have any critique?

Introduction

If nothing else, the whole system was wrong. If nothing, only robotics had advanced over the years. People had not. We were not smarter, no stronger, no better, no helpful. It was all very messed up in the end, but so was the whole system.

We were all like this. It was the end of it all.

But what can I say about anything? I am, after all, just another normal, regular, insignificant kid. In the end, I would just be as wrong as the system and all the people living in it.

You see, it hadn’t always been like this. Once, a long time ago, people had been...well, people. There were none of these edits and changes and...frankly, disgusting things done to everyone, even if we didn’t show it. We’re all as guilty as each other.

What else was there to say? We were all so wrong. In our desperation to find something new, different...to be like the pioneers of this world, oh-so long ago, we had destroyed everything we had made, without even realising it.

And there was nothing left for us to do about it. It was over.

Day One :: End Of Discussion
The world wasn’t always like this. My world wasn’t always like this. When my family moved from one country to another, we met a whole new world, so different, so horrible from our own.
In my old home, genetic engineering and robotics were strictly outlawed. Then we moved here. You see, there just wasn’t any market for anything else. It was genetics...or frankly, nothing. That’s why we moved.
Of course, some things for us were good. Here, there was no disease, except for those nasty and terrible biologically engineered diseases, but the cures were easy to get so nobody died, and the scars could be covered by proper melanin insertions. There was no Down Syndrome, Sickle-Cell Anemia, or Cystic Fibrosis left. These diseases could be detected during pregnancy and the proper medicine inserted by a doctor, and the baby would be born perfectly normal. That was the only thing good about all this wrongness.
My father, he was a banker. He worked in a bank. I know, it sucked for us, but still, there was food for us to eat that had come from my father working hard and nothing else. Not from lying, or stealing, or mutating other people beyond both physical and mental recognition. And then, the world for us...it exploded.
Father’s bank died. It became bankrupt. Ironic, I know. There were no jobs left in this snowy country I called my home. The education system was failing all of its students, and food was becoming more and more expensive as more and more people lost money. My mother said that the government simply had to let engineering and mutations into the country, but they refused to.
“It is against what the founders of our country would have wanted,” the President had even gone as far to say. “We shall stick it out until the end, and if you don’t want to...then feel free to leave.”
My father took this to heart. Within a week of the speech, we left the country. Within a week of that...well, I could no longer say that I was born in Switzerland. Switzerland was now part of the United States of Europe. Everything I had known - lost in a less than a month.
When I stepped out of the plane, the first thing I realized... The airport was so colorful. Smattered in color, by the wild and bird like people inside of it. The people here were stick thin with many bones protruding from them, their skin barely holding on to their body. They had strange faces, with large eyes and small mouths and almost nonexistent noses, simple side effects of genetic engineering, but it had been so long and you almost never saw a pure human anymore, they didn’t realize something was wrong with them. They thought something was wrong with my normal proportioned, somewhat plump and porcelain pale body. A girl with bright magenta skin and strange metals instead of finger nails on her hands stared. She couldn’t have been more than five years old.
The passport checker stared at us as we walked through security. His face was an ugly shade of dark red, with blue hair to contrast it out. All of his teeth were brown, but looked like they should be the brightest white with the condition they were in. I shuddered internally.

We left the room and towards baggage collection, where the few normal people that had been on the plane were bundled together, seemingly huddling for safety. Even though we stood out like a sore thumb, my dad insisted we stand with the mutated people.

“We’re no different on the inside,” he insisted as my little brother stared at these poor, poor people.

“I beg to differ,” I muttered. “Welcome to hell, Jacob.”

“Eve! Don’t you dare say that!” My mother squeaked, then sighed. “Why did we move here?”
“Mummy!” My little sister, Emilie, Jacob’s twin, squealed. “I want pea colored skin too!”
“Absolutely not!” My mother cried angrily, her face starting to turn a shade of red similar to the passport checker’s. “You are not changing yourself, you are completely perfect the way you are!”
“Oh, it’ll be good for them!” my father laughed. “They don’t know what they’ve been missing out on!”
“Richard,” my mother scowled owlishly. “Don’t you dare say that. Don’t give them stupid ideas.”
“Ugh, it’s all so ugly.” I groaned. “Did you see the girl with the gradient skin and the all black eyes? It was disgusting!”
“Eve!” My father scolded me angrily. “Just because your idea of beauty is different from hers doesn’t mean that she is wrong.”
Emilie looked happy, excited even. “Daddy, daddy, can I have my eyes turned purple? That would be so cool!”
“Yeah!” Jacob agreed. “I want to look like a turtle! Because you kno-ow, turtles are real awesome!”
My mother looked like she was about to throw up. “Look, kids...we’ll talk about this later.” This was probably because of all the angry stares we were getting about me criticizing how these people looked.
After somehow managing to get our luggage without Mother throwing up, we went through customs and into the airport itself. We hurried outside and found yet more mutants standing around, smoking, laughing, their thin bodies looking like they were going to snap any second now.They were somewhat curious of us, before laughing it off and going back to ignoring us. Here, people like us were a rarity, and usual prissy, fussy religious types. I held myself in with my arms and my lip trembled. It was all so horrible here... I wanted to cry. But I would be strong for Emilie and Jacob.
My father hailed a cab, and we clambered into it, Jacob and Emilie looking hyper. “This is so cool!” Jacob sang as the twins laughed and giggled among themselves.
Father looked cold, as if he had just sucked a lemon. Mother looked sad. I was holding back tears.
“We can go back home, right?” I asked Father.
“This is home. End of discussion.”

As we pulled up in the cab to the house, the first thing I noticed was how small it was. From the outside it looked like it was for made for one person only. I got out of the taxi and stared at the cramped house.
“It’s a lot bigger on the inside!” My Father said loudly, as if that was going to reassure us all greatly. He paid the taxi driver, pulled the luggage out of the boot and it drove away.

Magus
December 16th, 2010, 10:15 AM
+Rep. I applaud your and your friend's work. But where is the rest of the story? It was quite interesting.

http://dailycontributor.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/human-dog-hybrid.jpg

MysteriousMagic
December 16th, 2010, 03:55 PM
We kinda cut off. xDD We're gonna write more, if I can somehow manage to get Laura to write....

Vaneskera
December 16th, 2010, 03:55 PM
That's all we've finished. :)

MysteriousMagic
December 17th, 2010, 04:18 PM
UPDATE:

As we pulled up in the cab to the house, the first thing I noticed was how small it was. From the outside it looked like it was for made for one person only. I got out of the taxi and stared at the cramped house.
“It’s a lot bigger on the inside!” My Father said loudly, as if that was going to reassure us all greatly. He paid the taxi driver, pulled the luggage out of the boot and it drove away.
The building was white and covered in drizzlings of snow. A mile away you could still see the skyscrapers. The interior was also mostly white, with an ugly stained-beige carpeting. This place sucked. End of.
I ended up sharing a room with Emilie, it was the size of a study. Jacob’s ‘room’ appeared to be a closet. It was a miserable place. I got the closet and Emilie got a bureau. All my books went in cardboard boxes at the bottom of the closet.
We had three other rooms downstairs: a kitchen/dining room, a living room with rotting wallpaper, and the hallway which had the staircase in it. The kitchen was more like a box room with a couple of counters and a table for on in it. The living room was almost too large in comparison to the rest of the house, as you were able to take more than five steps in one direction before crashing into a wall.
I missed my old house. As I fell asleep that night, I could hear everyone crying, apart from Father.

The next morning I was preparing to leave for the high school of sorts inside the city. I stood at the bus stop, shivering.
“Hey, you!” A deep voice rung out. I turned, and saw a humanoid thing. It looked female. Her body appeared to be unable to properly hold itself up, she was sitting on the bench, crutches leaning against the bench. Bright pink hair with black streaks poked out from under a short raincoat, and pink eyes only added to the effect.
“Oh, you’re one of those cleansers mom was talking about!”
I scowled at her. “I’m not a cleaner,” I said sharply in my lilt of a foreign accent. “I go to school, like you.”
“I meant a cleanser,” the thing said more loudly, as if that would get the point across better. “Y’know, ugly thing. Nothing pretty about you, at all.”
“Oh, I get it.” I say roughly.
“Swiss, I’m betting.” The girl said ruffly. “They dissolved last week, one of the last cleanser-countries?” She said, grabbing her crutches and standing.
Her feet and hands were impossible small, with stick thin legs and arms, and big, malicious looking eyes. I had too admit, it was kind of pretty, but it just didn’t work. It was like those Japanese cartoon characters, only hugely distorted - and alive.
I nodded silently. “You guessed right.” I told her. “And I’m not ugly.” I turned away, walking fast.
“Hey! You’re gonna miss the bus!” The girl said. I could hear her crutches hitting the pavement.
“I don’t care!” I shout to her, tears in my eyes. “School is stupid, this country is stupid, you’re stupid!”
“Hey-hey-hey!” The girl said. “Couldn’t you sense the endearment?” She held out a tiny hand. “Sorry for getting off on the wrong foot. I’m Ava. Member of Humanoid Class-L seven oh four two.” She said with a teeny smile. “All female, all designed to be beautiful. All supposed to be models. Too bad I’m a god damn bitch, aren’t I cleanser?” She said, before gripping my normal hand and somehow dragging me back to the bus stop, a wizard on her crutches.
I sighed at her. “I’m Eve,” I said reluctantly. “From Switzerland. We moved here yesterday.”
“Ooh. Snow.” Ava said. “I wouldn’t mind me some snow.”
“Why aren’t you wearing a jacket anyways? It’s freezing out here, and that’s coming from a Swiss.”
“Weather-shmeather.” Ava said, pouting. Her impossibly plump lips were gorgeous, of course. I rolled my eyes.
“Which school is the bus for?”
“New York High Academy,” she said instantly. “The academy bit makes it sound better than it is.” At my questioning look, she grinned. “It’s a shithole.”
She stuck out her tongue saucily. “You’ll like the males. We have an over population of Humanoid Class-IC eleven seven oh.” She said with a grin. I looked at her blankly. “You know, the ‘Haevan’? She said uncomprehendingly.
“Whut?” the word came out of my mouth before I could even think about stopping it.
“The super-mega-gorgeous men.” Ava said, barely moving. “They’re like, god-men. I managed too get myself one. He thinks I’m spicy. Maybe it has something to do with being class L-seven oh four two.”
I roll my eyes at her. “Why do you even think I want a boyfriend? I’m perfectly happy as I am.”
“Oh, everyone wants one of these guys,” she waves her hand around dismissively. “I mean, Jak - that’s my boyfriend - he’s so gorgeous...” she lapsed into a highly detailed description of his boy, with his blonde hair and sea blue eyes. It was obvious she wasn’t going to speak to me until her description was finished.
“Jak!” She suddenly squealed at a boy approaching. He was lean and sporty looking, with large eyes and a sunken nose. I couldn’t help but gag at his appearance.
“Who’s this?” He said in deeper tone, looking at me judging.
“My new next door neighbor. Adorable little cleanser! But I may try to bleach her hair white, while she’s sleeping, with laundry detergent or something.”
I cock an eyebrow at her. “White wouldn’t suit me. And anyway, you wouldn’t be able to get into my house. You can’t climb things.” I pointed to her crutches.
Ava looked at me with all seriousness, her eyes dead set. “Try me.” I felt a shiver at these words. Yeah, Ava, was a disportionate mutant model with crutches, but there was something about her, something I couldn’t pin-point. I didn’t know mutants.
“It’s because she’s getting Altered tomorrow,” Jak said. “She’s getting a voice transplant and her hair dyed blue.” He tried to smile at me, but it came out as more of a grimace. “You should try it too.”
I don’t reply. Not in your dreams, lover-boy, I think.
“She’s from Switzerland, Jak. Morals and ethics and boring mumbo jumbo. Not worth trying to talk her into it.” Ava rolled her eyes, but then she pushed her hair back. Her ears were pointy and elfin. To be honest, she looked like a mix from a MMORPG and a scene-group. “The bus will be here in three minutes and fourty-two seconds.” She deadpanned, looking east. And sure enough, in a couple moments, I could here the deep rumbling of a school bus.
Jak sighed heavily. “Three seconds off, Ava,” he said. “You need to be precise as possible, else you’ll get nowhere.”
Ava pouted. “I’m tired and numbed and ready to gt a dye-job. Let me off the hook! Besides, it doesn’t quite matter to me anyways, all Class-L and stuff, I don’t care about the weather!” She stuck her tongue out at the boy.
Jak rolled his eyes and pecked her on the cheek lazily. “And here it is.” He yawned slowly, as the yellowish monster approached and opened its doors.
I could already feel the dread piling up in my chest as I climbed into the bus. I showed the driver my pass and sat at the very front of the bus. Everyone here was popular, it just depended on how popular you were as to how far back you sat. I noticed, with some relief, that Jak and Ava sat at the very back. They wouldn’t bother hassling me again, I hoped.
Ava looked at me as she passed. When the bus stopped again, she hopped up on ballet flats and pranced to the front of the bus on crutches, sitting down next to me. Everyone stared as she plonked herself next to me.
“Listen,” she said loudly. The whole bus fell into silence. Even the bus driver seemed to be listening. “This is Eve. She’s a lot nicer than a lot of you dicks, so unless you’d like your face pounded into the dirt like the little shit-bags you are, you’ll stay away from her.”
“I’ve got me new best friend here, so give her shit and you’re gonna hear it from me, mm’kay?” She said, as I was mortified.

Sogeking
December 22nd, 2010, 12:16 AM
Good story hope you write more :)