I hated what I saw in that mirror.

[georgiamay]

It's not a ED, but this seemed like the most appropirate place to post this.

So basically, I went out today to do some christmas shopping, and I needed to by a dress for my step mum's birthday party.

I found one, and tried it on in the fitting room. It fit me, but I had to struggle to get it on, and I mean, it took about 15 minutes. I started panicking, and I kept saying to myself "it has to fit, it has to" because I've been that size for ages, and I won't let myself go up to the next size. I just won't let myself, I won't. I still managed to get it on, but it was hard, and it took about another 15 minutes to get it off again. I know that if I'd got a dress in any other shop in that size, it would have fitted me fine, but I'm now determined to get into it without any trouble.

When I realised that it I was struggling to get it on, I was on the verge of tears. But for some reason, I can't cry anymore. But anyway, I don't want to eat anymore. I know I'll have to anyway because my parents ALWAYS have a sit down dinner >.< but I don't want to eat.

In the changing rooms, I spent about 30 minutes looking at myself in the mirror in my underwear, and I wanted to punch and shatter the fucking thing. I hated what I saw, I fucking hated it.

*finishes rant.*

[Fiction]

Sizes differ from shop to shop. just because you didn't fit that size in that particular shop doesn't mean you've got any bigger.
Georgia please please please don't go down the road of not eating. I can't realliterate that enough to be honest. Being thinner will not make you happier if you acheive it from starving, it will make you feel worse. The obsession of not eating and calories will take over your life and make you feel worse than when you started. Please don't do this. xxx

[georgiamay]

I'll try Kathy, I really will. I don't think it'll turn into anything, I just needed to get it out. I know the sizes differ depending on the shop, but I refuse to buy the next size up, I won't do it no matter what. This dress is perfect, and I wouldn't be able to find it anywhere else, and I had to buy it in the size the did.

I don't want to go down that road, but it's just... I don't want to even risk not fitting into this size in any shop. I hated what I saw in the mirror, it was true hatred when I stood there looking at myself. I hate every inch of my body.

I will eat, because I kind of have to. My parents always have a go at me if I don't finish my meal, so there's no danger of me eating less than 1 meal a day. I'm sorry kathy. I don't want to stop eating. I don't think I will tbh, but I thought I should post before I exploded and did something really stupid.

[Syvelocin]

What Kathy said mainly. It differs by shop, by brand, and by specific style too.

But I know what that's like. I'm still not giving up, but I had a tough time today when I went to my favourite store. That specific store, I have always been a zero in their sizes. I'm now up to a one and I freaked out a bit, but I went home with clothes one size up and still had my normal lunch. It's really hard, I know it is. I know the mirror can be just your worst enemy. I know that. But you have to know that you are fine the way you are. A size up from your previous one, if you have gotten bigger at all and it's not due to the store/brand/etc, is barely anything. Just because that dress didn't fit you it doesn't mean you're less thin, less beautiful, at all. You're gorgeous and just right the way you are :)

[Fiction]

I'm not having a go at you georgia, no need to be sorry :)
It's good that you let it out :)
I'm just trying to stop you from having to go through an ED xxx

Oh and...

Just because that dress didn't fit you it doesn't mean you're less thin, less beautiful, at all. You're gorgeous and just right the way you are

I second that :)

[Cryofthewolf]

Well I can't relate on a female point of view, but I can relate to worrying about my size.

I used to be in great shape, but over the past couple of years a combination of medication and stress caused me to blow up like a balloon. I mean, I'm not fat or obese yet, but I have the gut, and I'm starting to be able to pinch an inch on other parts of my body. Don't get me started on clothing. I hardly fit into any of my clothes anymore.

I would definitely heed the advice of our fellow posters and keep eating. I've heard (not sure how true it is however) that not eating can lead to one gaining more weight than not. I'm sure you look fine, but if you are really worried about your weight definitely set an exercise plan for yourself and watch what you eat. It is very hard to watch what you eat, especially in this day and age, and the celebrities and super models that you see on the cover of the magazines at the checkout isle in the shop don't help one's body image at all. So here are my tips for a healthy body image and keeping healthy:

1.) Realize that you look beautiful the way you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

2.) The covers of magazines that show skinny woman and muscular guys are touched up. NOBODY can sincerely look as good as those fakes.

3.) Exercise and find a diet plan that works for you. Not only does it keep your weight in check, but it can add to your longevity as well.

4.) DEFINITELY don't stop eating or start hating on yourself. You will make yourself feel miserable and it won't help you be the size you want to be.'

5.)Finally, just enjoy your life and keep your head up high. Don't let anything keep you down. :-)

Hmm...Maybe I should start taking my own advice... ;-)

Good luck with everything! You can do it! :-D

[screamtobeheard]

You sound just like I did a year ago. It gets so much worse. I know I'm just reiterating everyone else here, but you just have to keep telling yourself that you're beautiful. You're perfect the way you are. You don't need to be any smaller or any different at all.

My parents have a sit down dinner every day as well, but that didn't stop me from developing an eating disorder. And honestly, I think it makes it that much more difficult to bear. Please just try to avoid going down this road if you can. No one deserves the pain of an eating disorder.