I Will Surgically Remove Your Heart; How's That For A Loser?

[The Joker]

Faggot's art
Stab you in the heart
The weirdo has finally got one on you
Failure's part
Kick you in the heart
The loser has put you into the ground

Take out your kidneys
Would you shut the fuck up, please?
Don't cry as I take out your eye
Death will make you quiet
Your drunken bullshit, this faggot doesn't buy it

Punch me in the face
You will lose the living race
As I surgically remove every part there ever was

[deadpie]

Would of been better if some of the rhymes weren't plain and simple. The rhyming doesn't flow that well also. Overall it's alright, but try doing at least one or two poems without rhyming and see what you come up with.

[Syvelocin]

I liked it a lot. I agree with deadpie, but it's a poem that didn't bore me like most do with their obvious meanings and boring descriptions.

[Nevermore]

I really like this poem. Nice job. :)

[Peace God]

Interesting poem. I liked it but i prefer it when artists(any kind) are more subtle with their messages. I can tell that you are using the poem to vent your anger and frustration but that's the thing...I'd rather not be able to tell of the bat what the piece is about or referring to. If that makes any sense.

Well, just my opinion, i am very far from an expert on writing.

[The Joker]

Would of been better if some of the rhymes weren't plain and simple. The rhyming doesn't flow that well also. Overall it's alright, but try doing at least one or two poems without rhyming and see what you come up with.

Interesting poem. I liked it but i prefer it when artists(any kind) are more subtle with their messages. I can tell that you are using the poem to vent your anger and frustration but that's the thing...I'd rather not be able to tell of the bat what the piece is about or referring to. If that makes any sense.

Well, just my opinion, i am very far from an expert on writing.

Another pawn to sink the matriarchal battleshit. (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1112615#post1112615)