My life, my depression

[nick]

I joined in January 2009. I'm a bit of a loner, I dont make friends that easily. I'm artistic, crap at sport. I'm not the popular guy that everyone wants to be with. But when I joined VT, through posts and through the chatroom, I quickly made real friends. I found myself chatting every night and they persuaded me to sign up on MSN and Skype which I hadnt done before. It changed my life. Suddenly I had friends, people to talk to.

I fell in love. First time it was a girl. I thought she loved me, I thought there were signals there, but I had got it all wrong. That upset me so much and, really its not her fault I'm gay or anything, but made me think I would never trust a girl again. Then there was a guy. Well he was the first of three really. I loved them all, I still love them all, they all ditched me. But for while it lasted there was always someone there for me. Someone I could talk to, that would be there until I fell asleep or they did. That I knew would be thinking about me, as I was about them, for me every waking moment.

Now its all gone. Its like chasing after ghosts. It kills me to go to bed, to put out my light and just lie there knowing that there is nobody that is thinking of me, noone that cares. Night after night its like torture. I hate going to bed. So I dont, I sit up on the lap top, eventually fall asleep still logged on, not responding.

This is my life. This is my depression.

[DrkZ90]

I really know how you feel, and I reallly wish neither of us knew how that feels, because it's horrible.

I don't know what to say, all I can offer is my friendship, which might not be worth much (if at all), but I'm here for you if you want :)

[Shenron]

Nick, I know just how you feel. I moved from my hometown to a place over 400 miles away and I have no friends here. I have people I talk to at school, but that is it. I have asked people to do things outside of school and they either say no, or say yes and then make an excuse when the time comes as to why they cant. I don't talk to my friends from my hometown anymore. I had friends that I met on xbox live, we were friends for a long time (over 4 years) But now they are gone, they told me they "needed a break from me" that was over three months ago and I haven't heard from any of them. On top of all this I have been craving someone to love me, someone to hold me, someone to be there for me, make me feel warm inside, but nobody comes. I feel your pain Nick, and I wouldn't wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

This is our life. This is our pain. This, is our depression.

Nick, I am offering you my friendship and for what it is worth, I hope you will accept it.

[Fruit_Tart.]

Nick. This made me sooo teary eyed. I'm so sorry for you. I wish you could take my life so you could experience the things and people like you really should've. I'm happy that you found the friends that could really accept you. :) Life will always be depressing for everyone, and you can make it a living hell or heaven, whatever hell and heaven really is. And your still young and you have life to live. Take that opportunity of life and live it how you feel is the best. I hope you find more and more friends throughout your life and I'm sure you will considering how intelligent you are! ^_^ And i want to say that i love you and I'll try and be there for you. :D So live life, a life with lots of people that love you, however you want to live it.

[nick]

Thanks guys.

[Peace God]

I'm sorry you feel that way but I hope you know that you're not the only one going through this and you have plenty of people to help you. It's crazy how much i can relate to what you said...especially the last part.

Also, i know it can be hard at times but your situation should not be a reason to have a bad outlook on life.

[anamcara]

.Hey, I've felt the exact same way, like chasing after ghosts and stuff, but you know what, the ghosts are in your past, your better than them, if anything you should be making them chase you.

And you may not think it, but there are people who care, I care, check out my blog, I can't remember which one lol, but I'm always here if you want to talk, I can talk for hours lol, and I'm a good listener lol I think :) xxx

I'm sorry if this was no help to you at all xxx

[Donkey]

You know Nick, I think it's because your MSN doesn't work... you always seem offline to me on both MSN and Skype. It's more difficult to contact you now. Besides, we all love you still - just be happy, make new friends.

[nick]

You know Nick, I think it's because your MSN doesn't work... you always seem offline to me on both MSN and Skype. It's more difficult to contact you now. Besides, we all love you still - just be happy, make new friends.
I rarely sign in on skype atm, do you have my new msn, its on my profile here.

[DrkZ90]

I added you, haven't seen you online though.

I hope you are feeling a bit better by now :)