I'm tired of this...

[Ambrosia]

My parents made me get a job at the beginning of the year. Of course, I wanted a job but, ya know, they kind of had to push me to finally get it. I don't have a lisence (Despite my age) nor do I have a permit (Despite my age). They only ever drive me to school and to work. That's all. Anywhere else is strictly them taking me with them on those rare occasions. Here recently I have been driving their car to town (illegally) to buy them gas with my own money out of the kindness of my own heart. Gas prices have gone up and now suddenly they are screaming at me all the time to pay for their gas while they spend fourty dollars on their stupid ass cigs. I used to pay for it because I wanted to, not because they demanded it. Tonight I got kicked out of ever being driven anywhere again because I didn't have the cash to pay for their gas on hand. My father handed five dollars to the lady for gas, grumbling all pissy like because I wasn't paying and he was broke, then handed twenty over for cigs. My parents hate me because something that started out as a nice deed has ended up as them EXPECTING it. Claiming I take advantage of them. HOW? It was their freaking idea to make me get a job and both our faults i have no lisence...

I'm wrong, usually. About everything. I should probably just give them all my freaking money. I should just give them every effin thing I earn just because I have to use their electricity...

I'm sitting here. About to pull my own hair out. Desperatly clinging onto that one thought of "You can't cut yourself. Your legs are still healing and you have to work tomorrow in short sleeves." That honestly will not be lasting. I'm angry, more than upset. I'm angry at myself because it's most likely my fault.

Im sorry this is so long. You can ignore it. Or something.

[Alexithymia]

First of all, I'm going to address the very last part first. I, and many others here, will not ignore something like this. Do not be afraid to post here. It's what we're hear for :)

Secondly, your parents seem to suck. Go to bed (if you can) and just try not to cut right now. If your parents are willing to, talk to them about this. As calmly as you can. Make sure you don't have anything planned for a few days in case they freak out, which they seem to be prone to. Just try and convince them that you paying for their gas is something that is a gift, not a requirement. If they refuse to listen, then I probably shouldn't help you there. I'm a rebel at heart :)

Just try and convince them that you can't keep on paying for it every single time. Because they are your parents, they have responsibilities for you. Of course, because they're your parents, you also have responsibilities. Buying gas for them is not one of them. Perhaps cleaning up after yourself, making sure you do what they ask you (if it's reasonable). Just keep them as happy as you can without just letting them get spoiled.