SLiV
December 8th, 2010, 06:25 PM
I am not really desperate, but I like to talk about it and I would love some advice.
I am 17, male, gay and I have a crush on a guy. The problems lie in the fact when and how I should tell him that.
I am not openly gay, that is to say: I wouldn't lie about it, but I do not tell people at random. If someone asked me, I'd probably bluntly say yes.
I am not at all a socialiser. I'm shy and "weird". I don't have that many friends, nor do I spend a lot of time with them. Although this is somewhat to my dissatisfaction, I am perfectly fine with it. I feel no discomfort in being alone. This does not mean however that I don't like company; I enjoy playing Black Ops or Age of Empires (1) with friends, for instance.
The guy I have a crush on, is a guy from school. This is the first year I share classes with him, and sadly also the last, as we'll go off to university next year. That is why I do not know a lot about him. We are friends, I guess, as we work together and talk in class a lot.
He does theater, likes geography, is somewhat lazy, but overall intelligent (considering we both do the highest form of dutch high school). I wouldn't say he is completely stunning (and mind you, nor am I), but he is cute. He's nice, talkative and, well I could name a plethora of synonyms for cute, but I'll spare you.
But here it get's interesting:
I do not know if he's gay, but I do suspect he might be. I heard him say (though not to me) that he has never had a girlfriend. And when he was (twice!) "accused" (by lack of a better word) of being gay, he simply laughed it off, and ignored it.
I am not saying that everyone who is like this must be gay, but hot damn do I hope he is. I just hope I'm not wanting him to be gay, and therefore misinterpreting all signs of being nice as signs of being gay.
And yes, the following might sound a bit too much like a business plan. I know I should just have a chat with him when we're comfie and than simply tell him or whatnot, but that is not who I am. I am a rationalist, I guess.
I am pretty sure I want to tell him, 'cause I cannot stand this waiting, doing nothing. If I could, I'd probably would be here typing this.
So there are three things I could/should do:
1. find out if he actually is gay
2. tell him I am gay
3. tell him I have a crush on him
Although number 2 might be the most sensible first step, I think I will not tell him as such. First and foremost, it would be an incredible bold move to make, as I'd have to tell him out of the blue. And quite frankly, being bold is not my strongest point. On top of that, if he isn't gay, what would either of us gain from him knowing I am?
So my plan is as follows. I'll ask him if he has ever had a girlfriend before. Admittingly, that is still quite bold, but I recon it is the most "casual" option I have. If he has, or seems reluctant to talk about it, I'll simply switch topics. If he hasn't, I'll... well, I haven't thought that far ahaid, and I guess I might just as well not.
Now another issue is when to tell him.
I will definitely not tell him this week or next week, as we are doing a presentation for school, and the last thing I want, is for him to freak out. If he does, then I don't want it to affect my (or his) school performances. Besides, I am in no hurry. Or I might be.
A totally different option would be not to tell him until the last weeks of school. To upside would be that if he'd freak out, I'd never see him again. The downside, which I find rather outweighing the upside, is that if he does love me back, I would never see him again. Or at least, I would have spent all these days in agony, not knowing this and that.
The most sensible thing would probably be to get to know him better first. To familiarise, to observe, to become closer friends and to gain his trust.
But again, I don't feel like waiting; which is quite unlike me. I, mister rationalist, feel that the best thing to do, is to be bold. I guess it's love or something, as really, I am no expert at love.
What do you think?
I am 17, male, gay and I have a crush on a guy. The problems lie in the fact when and how I should tell him that.
I am not openly gay, that is to say: I wouldn't lie about it, but I do not tell people at random. If someone asked me, I'd probably bluntly say yes.
I am not at all a socialiser. I'm shy and "weird". I don't have that many friends, nor do I spend a lot of time with them. Although this is somewhat to my dissatisfaction, I am perfectly fine with it. I feel no discomfort in being alone. This does not mean however that I don't like company; I enjoy playing Black Ops or Age of Empires (1) with friends, for instance.
The guy I have a crush on, is a guy from school. This is the first year I share classes with him, and sadly also the last, as we'll go off to university next year. That is why I do not know a lot about him. We are friends, I guess, as we work together and talk in class a lot.
He does theater, likes geography, is somewhat lazy, but overall intelligent (considering we both do the highest form of dutch high school). I wouldn't say he is completely stunning (and mind you, nor am I), but he is cute. He's nice, talkative and, well I could name a plethora of synonyms for cute, but I'll spare you.
But here it get's interesting:
I do not know if he's gay, but I do suspect he might be. I heard him say (though not to me) that he has never had a girlfriend. And when he was (twice!) "accused" (by lack of a better word) of being gay, he simply laughed it off, and ignored it.
I am not saying that everyone who is like this must be gay, but hot damn do I hope he is. I just hope I'm not wanting him to be gay, and therefore misinterpreting all signs of being nice as signs of being gay.
And yes, the following might sound a bit too much like a business plan. I know I should just have a chat with him when we're comfie and than simply tell him or whatnot, but that is not who I am. I am a rationalist, I guess.
I am pretty sure I want to tell him, 'cause I cannot stand this waiting, doing nothing. If I could, I'd probably would be here typing this.
So there are three things I could/should do:
1. find out if he actually is gay
2. tell him I am gay
3. tell him I have a crush on him
Although number 2 might be the most sensible first step, I think I will not tell him as such. First and foremost, it would be an incredible bold move to make, as I'd have to tell him out of the blue. And quite frankly, being bold is not my strongest point. On top of that, if he isn't gay, what would either of us gain from him knowing I am?
So my plan is as follows. I'll ask him if he has ever had a girlfriend before. Admittingly, that is still quite bold, but I recon it is the most "casual" option I have. If he has, or seems reluctant to talk about it, I'll simply switch topics. If he hasn't, I'll... well, I haven't thought that far ahaid, and I guess I might just as well not.
Now another issue is when to tell him.
I will definitely not tell him this week or next week, as we are doing a presentation for school, and the last thing I want, is for him to freak out. If he does, then I don't want it to affect my (or his) school performances. Besides, I am in no hurry. Or I might be.
A totally different option would be not to tell him until the last weeks of school. To upside would be that if he'd freak out, I'd never see him again. The downside, which I find rather outweighing the upside, is that if he does love me back, I would never see him again. Or at least, I would have spent all these days in agony, not knowing this and that.
The most sensible thing would probably be to get to know him better first. To familiarise, to observe, to become closer friends and to gain his trust.
But again, I don't feel like waiting; which is quite unlike me. I, mister rationalist, feel that the best thing to do, is to be bold. I guess it's love or something, as really, I am no expert at love.
What do you think?