I like the scars?

[Alexithymia]

There was something about before. I even took the time to get the link (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=88855). It's like that, but also a bit more.

When I cut because I'm angry about myself, I feel different about the cuts/scars. It's almost like if I don't cut deep enough, then I don't deserve to be here. I can't take the pain. And then I won't have a scar to remind myself that I suck. I know I don't suck (right now), and I know that this is probably really messed up. Is anyone else out there like this?

[Aspiringanonymous]

As was demonstrated through responses to your previous thread, I do think that it isn't an uncommon experience. I went through a time where the only reason I did it was to punish myself, and bear that constant reminder of how despicable I was - because it was the only way to do justice to myself.

But the two start to intertwine and feed into one another - self-harm and whatever initiated the self-hate to begin with - leaving you more vulnerable to both in the end. And no matter what any voice in your head may be trying to say right now, you do deserve better. :hug3:

[Alexithymia]

While this thread is closely related to the stated thread, it does have one major difference. I feel like I don't deserve to cut. Whenever I feel like I can't cut deep enough to scar, then I shouldn't be cutting at all. So, when I'm in these odd moods, normally started by the said self hate, I feel like I either should cut deep or not cut at all. But then I just cut and give myself a hard time about it. Am I just really weird?

[Harley Quinn]

Actually, i was like that. I didn't think that i was ever going to be a proper self harmer because i couldn't go deep so to make up for that, i always did a high amount of numbers instead. It's a whole lot better if it doesn't scar and you aren't reminded of them, because in the future, they will hurt you a fuckload more.

[georgiamay]

I didn't think that i was ever going to be a proper self harmer because i couldn't go deep so to make up for that, i always did a high amount of numbers instead.

I'm like this too. Because I never used to go very deep, I always thought I was quite pathetic, and a disgrace. Almost like I wasn't doing it justice because I wasn't going deep enough. It was like I wasn't self harming properly because my cuts were never deep.

But because of that, they're getting deeper, which sucks I suppose.

But you do deserve better, no matter what you tell yourself. You do not deserve to go through pain, no matter what you might think.

[Nevermore]

Actually, i was like that. I didn't think that i was ever going to be a proper self harmer because i couldn't go deep so to make up for that, i always did a high amount of numbers instead. It's a whole lot better if it doesn't scar and you aren't reminded of them, because in the future, they will hurt you a fuckload more.

I was like that. I still sort of am. I do a heck of a lot of numbers when I self harm. However they are usually shallowish-meduim. I usually do some deep. I have a crap load of scars on my body. It's sad. To anyone who doesn't know this they will hurt you in the future. I've heard it's harder to get jobs. I'm afraid of that. It's hard when people stare at you, or ask what are they from. Of course I hide them, or at least I try. I cover my arms with at least 8 bracelets or lace arm warmers for the summers. I cover my legs with either stockings or tights. If I can't cover them, a crap load of makeup goes onto them, and I attempt to try to put a few bracelets on or at least skin color tights or hose. I try to always wear a sweatshirt and jeans, even in the summer. People will stare at me weirdly because well it's 90 degrees and you're wearing that?! My answer is always I'm cold. I can't express to you all who don't know the feeling of hiding them, how annoying it is to try to hide them. The constant state of anxiety if you can't hide them, or when someone asks. If anyone needs someone to talk to I am here.

Right at this moment I have fresh cuts on my arm. This afternoon I have play practice and will be trying on costumes. I am fearful about her giving me short sleeves because I'm wearing long sleeves today and do not have any bracelets with me, nor do I believe any makeup. However I think I might have some in my coat, hopefully. If nothing I will have to carry around a shirt and drape it over my left arm to show my teacher it fits, as for the play on Tuesday I guess I'm sneaking bracelets that she will probably be against on the stage with a ton of makeup. I'm praying my costume will be long sleeved. So praying.

[Mike321]

I used to be like that, only used to make little shallow cuts.
I never thought it would class me as a self harmer, but I guess it is better doing lighter cuts as they wont leave as much scaring.
And no one deserves pain and deserves to cut themselves

[ackmedsgirl666]

i used to be a deep DEEP cutter but now when i cut i only do little shallow slices usually in my wrist or thighs. i used to consider this )cutting) my cry for help and i got it.. i wound up in a hospital. i hate cutting myself but if i am truly stressed i do cut and depending on the situation depends on the deepness