I don't know what to do.....

[Sora131500]

I'm in a relationship... Its an emotional hell... He's so controlling... I feel trapt.... All I can think about is going to the kitchen and grabbing a knife no one will miss to get the pain to stop.... But I'd be letting down my friends that I promised I wouldn't do this.... But I don't know what else to do.... It feels like he doesn't even love me... Because it's all about my "safety" (I have a medical illness but ill get bladder infections whether I leave the house or not!!!) And it's less about what I want. I came close to stabbing myself with a mirror to get the pain to stop..... But I promised a friend I wouldn't.... Me and him, we talked it through he calmed me down alot.... I told my boyfriend about it, because it really hurt me (He tried leaving me because I wouldn't do something he wanted) And then he hung up on me more than once and sent me a text message saying "Go stab yourself with mirror"(Because I told him that the only reason why I didn't stab myself was caz I promised a friend... And today he told me he doesn't care if I cut myself v.v) I can't leave him because I love him and I'm afraid that with someone else they'll hurt me worser... He's my first boyfriend....

I just want this pain to stop.... Every time he tells me he loves me it feels like I'm being stabbed in the chest.... I don't know what to do.... :(

[MadManWithaBox]

He sounds like a terrible boyfriend frankly. The pain will stop, once your in a healthier relationship, or out of it. You've been under his influence for too long, you need to do something about it.

[Sora131500]

My friend wants me to end it... She knows all about how he makes me feel... I'm to the point were I'm ready to go... I'm just afraid he will harm/kill himself... Because when I gave him the option of leaving or letting me live my life he just about strangled himself on the phone with me....

[wyatt]

wow, your in a tough place, he HAS to go, you cant go on like that, I really wish I could type all that I want to say but I'm better in person or on the phone >_>. I can only say that love him or not, he obviously doesn't love you and if he doesn't love you, then hes gotta go and you don't deserve any of this, it's so wrong. Get him gone, and please dont hurt yourself, I would type more but ima pass out soon i couldnt sleep for about 70 hours now I can only tell you he wont change and its fake, get out of it before something happens. -Wyatt

[Sora131500]

I know... I have to end it v.v My best friend already told me that if I don't leave him she'll be gone.... I can't lose her, I feel like screaming.....

[Fiction]

As everyone else has said, you need to get rid of him. I know what it feels like to be in a controlling realtionship and it really can fuck you up in the mind. It's hard to get rid of him but it's something you have to do, for your sake.

[Mike321]

As everyone else has said, you really need to be out of this relationship, its only going to get worse, for your sake you need to get out.
A few people I know have been in very controlling relationships, it really does mess with your head.
Its not an easy thing to do but you need to end it

[MadManWithaBox]

You're not doing either of you a favour by keeping this going. You may as well end it sooner rather than later, or it'll just get harder.

[Sora131500]

I ended it last night.... With the help of my family... I couldn't do it on my own... Right now... I feel so guilty.... He said he cared for me and I feel like I've screwed everything up... I don't want to move.. I don't want to think... My mom is going to get me into counseling when we move v.v She doesn't know the extent of my feelings for him I don't know.... Went through a panic attack I guess.... I calmed down only because my mom threatened to take me to the hospital..... *sighs* What's wrong with me?:(:(:(:(:(:(

[Alexithymia]

Nothing wrongs with you. Period. My sister is in a controlling relationship. He's truly evil. He hits her, hits his KIDS, and probably much worse at times. But she still thinks he loves her. Here's the thing, they don't. They don't care about you at all. Sure, there's the exception every once in a while, but it's usually that they just want to be the controller. They like it when you feel bad and start to try and make it feel better. They truly do suck.

[Sora131500]

He cared for me... but he was too much for me to fix... *sighs* :/ .... :( It's like my mind is going in endless circles of confusion.... He loved me but he didn't treat me all that good... though his intentions were meant to be good... ugh :confused:


Update:
He sort of contacted me again.. I forgot I had him on my instant messenger... Blocked him shortly after.. He told me how much he loved me and he was sorry and didn't know his controllingness bothered me... I was like "You knew it bothered me you knew it made me sad..." Hopefully he can get the picture that I can't love him like that again after what he's done to me.... I think that I'll be able to get over this with all the support I have... Friends, and family. People who truly do love and care for me. Even you guys here on virtual teen :) Thank you all for your advice and support. I really appreciate it... I think I need to first learn how to love myself before I try loving someone else like that... Gotta work on some of my own problems before I can be in good working relationship... Again, thank you all.

~Sora