Trapped

[Malcolm Tucker]

I've spent the last half hour trying to get the blades from a razor.

I completely trapped in a vicious cycle. I want, no, need to cut. Anxiety attacks get worse, so will my overall mood. Just keep dropping and dropping. Cutting stops it. But here's the problem. I don't cut deep. I BADLY want ot but I can't bring myself to do it, paranoid. So then I punish myself and I feel worse. I don't know anymore.

It's going to be a rough month until the psychiatrists.

Twenty minutes now.

[Alexithymia]

You can feel trapped sometimes, and sometimes you just have to cut. Like Syvelocin said (maybe Georgia), it's not slipping up that counts as a failure, it's giving up. It's not gonna stop overnight. And sometimes it will be harder than others to stop. Just try, with all of your self control, to throw away that razor you're dismantling. At least just set a limit on how deep you will cut or how many times you will cut. Just try to do something. And if you slip up, at least you tried. It's the best you can do.

[PonY]

I used to fight with them as well to get the blade out of them they are the best to cut with.

I cut less than I ever did. I used to cut at least 15 times a day. Now I am down to once in a while. I am happy I have been able to get this far.
The only reason I got to the point I am was because I was going to loose everything I lived for. My love. If I didn't stop I would not be with her right now. So now I just cut a little bit.

-PonY
If ya need to talk about it. :) I would love to talk to you about it.

[hotandgay]

darling i know what you mean but the best thing to do is just find something you love and concentrate on it all the time this has helped me

[Zephyr]

Hang in there Michael.

The best advice I can give you for the next month is this:

Learn what your triggers are, and recognize them. Once you start to recognize them, it's easier to abstain from hurting yourself because you'll find something counterproductive from cutting that is healthier.

For me, going on drives helped, sometimes drawing helped too.

Try doing what I did: I was having a bad night, so I took my razors with me to a friend's house and gave them to my friend to throw away. Best thing I ever did :)

Remember that there are people who care about you and want to see you do well hun, realizing that is a big part in getting better. You're never as isolated as you think you are <3