Slapping Children and Teenagers in the Face as a form of Discipline

[ShyGuyInChicago]

Do you considering slapping children in the face as discipline to be abuse?

I think it is because slapping is more personal and it more likely to be used in anger and it is less deliberate than spanking on the legs or butt or hands. Physical punishment should never be a reaction to anger and must be done in a deliberate and controlled manner.

Also, if you consider it not to be abuse does the sex of the parent and child matter? Such as for example would you consider it suitable for a father to slap his daughter in the face?

[Sith Lord 13]

I think it can be acceptable in limited circumstances. If the teen ager is in hysterics of some sort or experiencing some sort of break with reality (such as due to being overwhelmed by emotions), a slap could bring them back to reality very fast.

I think that gender should have no impact, though a parent will have to temper their blow on account of their child's constitution, which may be impacted by gender.

[Scarface]

I don't think any sort of hitting or physical discipline is necessary. Why instill fear into a child. I believe that when you slap a child in the face for any sort of disciplinary reason, you're slapping their dignity.

I think that verbally you can correct a child or young adult's behavior. It should be firm, but non-threatening. Using or instilling any sort of fear into a child isn't going to fix the problem. Some may argue that it motivates, but from my point of view and experience, I don't think it has benefited me in any way, shape or form. It has only mentally scarred me. If you can sit down with the child and explain to them the wrongs that they have done, and explain to them why you don't appreciate it, and what they could do to improve that way next time there shouldn't be any excuse.

Abuse and especially out of frustration and anger shouldn't ever be a resort to slapping or form or corporal punishment. It also doesn't matter what gender, when you hit someone, you hit someone. Deliberate or controlled, I cannot find any viable reason to spank or hit a child. When there are other ways of handling a child's behavior. If the parent is neglectful and does not do anything, but the "Stop it" or "Don't do that" of course that will do nothing as the child is not completely understanding. I do not believe there is any excuse for hitting. Gender or age.

[Azunite]

There are some children ( for example, hyperactives ) who MAY understand things only from physical harm. But that may be only because they have experienced slapping etc.

Well, I can't talk that much, my dad or mum never hit me, and I don't think they will ever hit me.

[Continuum]

I agree to some extent. Even though it is not right to inflict pain on children in any way, it still delivers what it wants to instill through fear. Some children never learn, but in such instances a bitch slap may be advised if things are going not-so-good. They need to do it moderately and lightly, and not abuse its fear-instilling power for it may emotionally scar children.


Well, I can't talk that much, my dad or mum never hit me, and I don't think they will ever hit me.

Same goes for here, Cengiz. My mother, although a real pain in some moments, never did. They spoil me too much. >.<

[karl]

No, it's not ok! My father slapped me round the face a couple of times last year and it made me resentful. I won't say I hate him, but I'm not sorry he's out of my life now.

[Jess]

if one continues to do it I think it would be abuse but I hate it as I've been hit in the face and the head >_>

[Fiction]

I wouldn't call it abuse. I was slapped as a child and I don't think it really did me any harm. I don't think so anyway... Although i self harm etc I don't think any of this was caused by being slapped as a child. It was probably a pretty effective way for my parents to control me. I would never go to bed and threatening with being slapped and knowing that they actually would used to send me straight upstairs :P

[Fact]

I wouldn't call it abuse. I was slapped as a child and I don't think it really did me any harm. I don't think so anyway... Although i self harm etc I don't think any of this was caused by being slapped as a child. It was probably a pretty effective way for my parents to control me. I would never go to bed and threatening with being slapped and knowing that they actually would used to send me straight upstairs :P

Were you slapped in the face though?

I think slapping someone in the face is unnecessary. I don't remember being hit much as a child, but when I was, it wasn't near my face and it was only in extreme circumstances. It wasn't really to instil fear either, more a break in my mother's temper.
I wouldn't go as far as to say that verbally punishing a child does them any better than physically punishing them does (as always it depends on content) but I think that slapping a child in the face, same as using unnecessary language and words, could be counted as a form of abuse.

[Clawhammer]

I believe that you must find the weakness and apply only the needed amount of pressure to discipline. I think different people learn differently. If I learned better from physical pain, I would say yes, if I were the "unruly child," if you will, a slap on the face will do me good in the long run. If I was not, then I doubt it would be necessary. In example, my parents made us get the spoon before we were spanked. I was spanked only once or twice, because I learned fast. By the time we had to bring the spoon, we had more or less learned the lesson, and did not require too much physical pressure.

[Syvelocin]

Completely unnecessary. I get spanking smaller kids, but slapping in the face is where it crosses the line for me. Whether it's a abusive or not, it can really scar a child if what they're doing is not even worth it. Maybe that's just my experience though, I might be a little too biased.

[Lasky]

I think there are better ways to discipline a child than to slap them. if you want to them fear you, slap them. If you want them to respect and understand you, teach them a lesson some other way.

[Jess]

off topic but I want to know this. would it be considered abuse if you spank your child with an object?

[Amnesiac]

It's not necessary. My god, parents are matured adults. They're intimidating enough on their children, a slap across the face is an overreaction. Slapping can instill fear and, later in life, resentment in a child — and we all know what happens to kids who grow up with those unhealthy emotions brewing inside them. Yes, children need discipline, but there's a fine line (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvWFxtrhhzw) between helping your kid mature and abusing them.

[Church]

I see nothing wrong with slapping your child, teaches you really fast not to do certain things. I got slapped before and I don't cry in corners and need therapy. I got slapped and was like, "Man that was a dumb idea, better not try that again."

[Syvelocin]

^ Well, that depends. There's a line you can cross. I was really beat up as a kid, and I have a lot of problems now. But that's different from just a little discipline still.

off topic but I want to know this. would it be considered abuse if you spank your child with an object?

It really depends on the frequency and intent. With my father's generation, it was actually quite normal. He used to have his father whip him with his belt to punish him. I don't consider it abuse, though it's pretty extreme in my opinion.

[Pudd]

Remember in the days before slapping was labelled as abuse?
There were very few crimes committed by children.
Look at it now...

[Kaius]

To be honest my parents never used those methods with me as a child but she has hit me when shes been drunk. Tbh being hit makes me 10 times more likely to lose it depending on the circumstances. I don't like the idea of using physical punishment against a child in the slightest. My parents always used the "I'm going to ignore you until you stop doing what you're doing". Always worked with me, and i hated it.

[Korashk]

Remember in the days before slapping was labelled as abuse?
There were very few crimes committed by children.
Look at it now...
Correlation =/= Causation
~~~

Anyways anecdotally, physical discipline really isn't worth it. It is effective (I am a well behaved person around my parents) but I hate my father. Absolutely hate him. I wouldn't care if he died in front of me.

[The Dark Lord]

I see nothing wrong with slapping your child, teaches you really fast not to do certain things. I got slapped before and I don't cry in corners and need therapy. I got slapped and was like, "Man that was a dumb idea, better not try that again."

using your logic, tourists should be slapped when they don't understand you.

Slapping children is an example of bad parenting, its not abuse, it's just bad parenting

[Fact]

using your logic, tourists should be slapped when they don't understand you.

Slapping children is an example of bad parenting, its not abuse, it's just bad parenting

What if it happens repeatedly over short spaces of time to where it causes lasting physical damage?
There will be parents out there that cause those sorts of injuries to their children purposefully.

[The Dark Lord]

What if it happens repeatedly over short spaces of time to where it causes lasting physical damage?
There will be parents out there that cause those sorts of injuries to their children purposefully.

Yeah, I see what your saying but I presume that the child doesn't behave that badly to receive that level of pain, but what you outline above is abuse, yes.

[Fact]

Yeah, I see what your saying but I presume that the child doesn't behave that badly to receive that level of pain, but what you outline above is abuse, yes.

I agree. Slapping a child in the face in the form of discipline is not likely to teach them much other than "pain awaits you if you make a mistake", which could make them increasingly afraid of making mistakes, which everyone does regardless of discipline.

[The Dark Lord]

I see nothing wrong with slapping your child, teaches you really fast not to do certain things. I got slapped before and I don't cry in corners and need therapy. I got slapped and was like, "Man that was a dumb idea, better not try that again."

I agree. Slapping a child in the face in the form of discipline is not likely to teach them much other than "pain awaits you if you make a mistake", which could make them increasingly afraid of making mistakes, which everyone does regardless of discipline.

These are the two main attitudes to slapping- either it means you learn not to do things or you end of scared. I think Fact's reasoning is much better, children who get slapped are far more likely to be insecure and end up "crying in corners and need therapy". Unfortunately children don't think like Long John, anytime you see a child being hit you think two things- crappy parents and you feel sorry for the child. I repeat hitting children is just poor parenting and I'd make it illegal to hit children.

[MMead]

Only suitable for minors?:

Schoolchildrens' "spanking" related injuries (WARNING - These images may be deeply disturbing to some viewers. Do not open this page if children are present).
http://www.nospank.net/injuredkids.pdf

Reasonable and moderate? You decide.
(WARNING - This sound recording may be deeply disturbing to some listeners. Do not open this file if children are within listening range).
http://nospank.net/prj-006.wav


People used to think it was necessary to "spank" adult members of the community, college students, military trainees, and prisoners. In some countries they still do. In our country, it is considered sexual battery if a person over the age of 18 is "spanked", but only if over the age of 18.

For one thing, because the buttocks are so close to the anal region, sex organs, and so multiply linked to sexual nerve centers, striking them can trigger powerful and involuntary sexual stimulus in some people. There are numerous physiological ways in which it can be intentionally or unintentionally sexually abusive, but I won't list them all here. One can read the testimony, documentation, and educational resources available from the website of Parents and Teachers Against Violence In Education at www.nospank.net

Child bottom-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:

Child bottom-battering (euphemistically labeled "spanking","swatting","switching","smacking", "paddling",or other cute-sounding names) for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

There are several reasons why child bottom-battering isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak
http://www.nospank.net/pt2010.pdf

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson
http://nospank.net/sdsc2.pdf

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor MD and Adah Maurer PhD
http://nospank.net/taylor.htm

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-battering isn't a good idea:

American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
American Psychological Association,
Center For Effective Discipline,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child.

In 31 nations, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child. The US also has the highest incarceration rate in the world.

The US states with the highest crime rates and the poorest academic performance are also the ones with the highest rates of child corporal punishment.

There is simply no evidence to suggest that child bottom-battering instills virtue.

[Death]

And what about when the child is doing something dangerous (like abusing another individual or won't listen to you when they try to touch the cooker when it's on a blue flame) and they won't listen to a word you say? Would a light slap which could bring them to their senses (and obviously not hurt them; I'm not talking about violence or abuse) be justified then? Not that I'm saying it's the best thing to do, but I want to know what should happen in these circumstances.

[Syvelocin]

^ I was discussing this before with my father, and that's what he brought up. In that case, of course you can do that. My position is that slapping a kid for just discipline is wrong. But yeah, in that case of course, if they're going to burn their hand or something else like that that could cause them serious harm.

[haha123for]

Honestly, I've been brought up with both slaps in general and slaps to the face. But never because "I missed curfew" or "I got an F on a test". These reasons for hitting were because I called my mom a bitch, or I simply walked out of the room while they were "sitting down and discussing what I did was wrong." Listen if you have children, I am sure a good amount of you will lose your temper, and strike your kids. BOUND to happen.

Now, I believe that there are MANY different scenarios, and I don't believe this is a clear and accurate discussion without certain events which cause a parent to strike upon their children. I DO NOT believe in physical punishments with very minor incidents like getting an F or being "lazy". Thats not what I'm saying.

I'm saying the punishment should FIT the crime. I've seen my aunt tell her child (5 years of age) to stop saying a bad word (Sh!t) which he has been using quite often recently, and he would just NOT stop saying it. She told him about 8 times in one night, and finally he said it AGAIN and she just lost it. She slapped his mouth, and went to go wash it out with soap. NEVER heard that word escape his lips again.

All I'm trying to say is MAYBE sometimes there is a need for it, and I would never label it as abuse if the kid simply does NOT do what they are told. At least its parents these days and not teachers.

[Zephyr]

For older kids: Never ground a them, they can just sit in their rooms and do whatever they want with their stuff. Likewise, never hit them past a certain age or they'll just resent you rather than respect you. Taking away privileges is more appropriate, my parents did this after age 6 or 7 and it was highly effective.

With younger kids, if you associate bad with hurt, they're going to get the point across quicker since they're sense of possessions is 'out of site, out of mind'. When I was a little kid, if I did something bad, I got my ass beat, and I sure as hell learned my lesson. I turned out perfectly okay.

[deadpie]

If laying a hand on your child in a negative way is the only way you can express yourself to them, you're doing it wrong. I'm not saying make your child a pussy and show him/her nothing but love, but you can use discipline without hurting someone.

I also think that slapping a child would just make the matters worse.

[Syvelocin]

My mum never even so much as yelled at me. I don't know, maybe I was just an obedient child or something.

This gets somewhat sensitive though. I still have scars from when I was living with my aunt, and that was 9+ years ago. My philosophy is, other than Death's point, you should never touch a child. Though while what we're talking about here is far from what I went through, I'm still completely against it regardless of intent. I agree with deadpie, there are other ways to make a kid listen.

[haha123for]

My mum never even so much as yelled at me. I don't know, maybe I was just an obedient child or something.

This gets somewhat sensitive though. I still have scars from when I was living with my aunt, and that was 9+ years ago. My philosophy is, other than Death's point, you should never touch a child. Though while what we're talking about here is far from what I went through, I'm still completely against it regardless of intent. I agree with deadpie, there are other ways to make a kid listen.

I think I get what you're saying here, but then again I'm sticking to the thought that yes, maybe a CHILD or if you're lucky, 13 and younger, may listen to a good disciplinary lecture.

On the other hand, If you have a child who's 13+ who is getting accustomed to the party life, dances, DRUGS, etc. If you simply talk to them and sit down to "discuss" their actions, I'm pretty sure a majority of teens will not listen, and either way will cause resentment towards you. Either way physical or emotional you'll be just as strict both ways.

If resentment towards parents is what some of you are thinking, its hormones people. Your teen will most likely say they hate you at one point, and they are most likely going to disobey you. Probably more than once. Hormones will cause them to react on impulse or out of their emotions. A good slap can bring them back to reality a majority of the times. Not saying to slap them EVERY time, just when the slap fits the reason.

[Syvelocin]

Lecture, or taking away privileges and grounding. Really, when it comes to that, the only time hitting your child would be the only way you cannot control them is when you failed in raising them in some way. Maybe not on purpose, but how they behave says everything about how you raised them in most cases. If you're leniant and spoiling your kid, they will become accustomed to getting away with things and getting their way all the time. If they're accustomed to this, they will behave in that way more often. If you bring them up strictly but consistently, odds are they will be accustomed to that method and are less likely to act out.

Personally, by the time they're 15 or so, I think it's all their business. You won't be able to change them passed ten or so, so then it's all what they choose to do, and if they still haven't grown up, again, you failed in raising them somewhere along the way.

So what if they're doing drugs? It's their screw-up. They've been through health classes and they didn't listen. It's their problem. At that point, they'll be adults in no time. If they still have their parents hanging on them like that, it'll do more harm than good in the long run.

Again, my mum had very little involvement in my life as far as discipline and talking. I don't think she said a thing to me about that sort of thing. She drove me to my therapy appointments but was never really involved in that part of me.

Sure, she could have had me avoid the entire situation altogether. This way, I did drugs. I realised I was stupid for doing it. And I got off them by myself. Lesson learned.

It worked for me.

[Death]

I don't mind admitting that I've been slapped occasionally and lightly as a small child for misbehaving before (which I did a lot) but not only do I respect (and not resent) my parents, but I haven't been hurt either, since said slaps didn't really hurt me anyway. One thing it did do is get me to behave.

Of course they don't do that now, and neither do I think it the answer, but I don't think that slapping (and only that) is always wrong. Of course anything more than that I think is awful. And obviously try not to keep slapping kids, especially once they are older and will resent you for it, since by that time removal of privilages will work wonders.