I thought I was getting better. . .

[munchausen]

I thought I was finally starting to get better. That maybe since I'd left high school, the people I used to know and what I thought was the cause of my depression behind I would start to feel more alive again. It didn't work out quite like that though. For a few months everything started calming down; the self harming, the fasts, purging, suicidal thoughts and even my depressive moods. Seems like it wasn't meant to last though. I'm back to where I started again, I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised I am always worse in winter. It's been nearly six years to the day since my first proper cut and everything I felt then has come flooding back.

I don't know if I can deal with this any more, it feels like it's tearing me up inside, I need to get help. For once in my life I want help.

[hotandgay]

yeah i hear you im in the same boat...i was doing just fine then out of no where i started with the thought and temptations and there worse now...if you ever find out what to do i would love the answer as well

[Fiction]

Get help. If you want help get it. I know you've never been a fan of relying on medication or anything like that but maybe you should try it? If it makes you feel better maybe it is worth it? I know your in a very confusing and upsetting situation at the moment, but really it's just all the more reason to make yourself happy. You know that I am ALWAYS here for you if you need me.
I wuvv you xxxxxxx

[1_21Guns]

Like Kathy said, if you want the help, jump at that moment you do want it, or your almost bound to regret not doing later, I know everything probably feels like it's overpowering you, but no matter what you're always stronger than it, and you shouldn't let it get the better of you.
Good luck :hug3:

[Aspiringanonymous]

One of the most significant things I learned, is that these cycles will always exist. Every once in a while, you'll feel as if you've returned to former ways, entertaining thoughts characteristic of that distant time which is supposed to have become distanced - or maybe not.

But if you examine closely, there are differences. Subtle, minute, but it's there - and as time goes on, as new changes occur, they will expand. Personal transformation is never an instantaneous process - we all have to adapt, with patience. It's frustrating, but it's just the way things are. Focus on one day at a time - it will seem less overwhelming that way.

Changes in environment and circumstances provide us with an opportunity for a breath of fresh air - and broader horizons to see. It is still up to the individual to accept that opportunity. But it is a demanding journey, and it's perfectly okay to experience uncertainty at first - there is the unlearning of years and years of destructive thought patterns and behaviour. Every year lost to it, you are now attempting to get back - it is a lot of work. Be forgiving of yourself - unfortunately, we all have limitations - but we have taken up this path to challenge and finally demolish them.

It really is so important to reach out. It doesn't have to be anything intensely personal, or even anything in real life, although both would likely be more ideal than otherwise - but, so long as you are able to witness others going through similar experiences, and know that you are not alone - it can offer you motivation to persist when the going gets tough.

Take care hun. I really wish you all the best.