Amnesiac
December 5th, 2010, 12:09 AM
Enjoy, VT.
It was another fine day in the mountainous capital of New York, Albany. Commander Awesome had just departed from his secret cave mansion in the outskirts of the medium-sized metropolis to fetch some grocery items from the local supermarket. As he sailed downwards to the local Wal-Mart, he took a large sniff of the fresh late-summer air and grinned, displaying two rows of absurdly bright teeth.
Commander Awesome proceeded to stroll into the superstore, continuing displaying his trademark smile. Smoothly whipping a cart out of its holding space, he browsed the aisles, carefully observing each item that passed him by.
As the Commander passed through the book section, he saw a customer picking up a copy of Glenn Beck's Arguing With Idiots, and proceeded to stare at the balding, overweight man for a good 7 minutes before the middle-aged figure looked up and noticed the fabulously dressed, muscular, incredibly handsome superhero giving him an ice cold look. The man screamed, dropped the book, and ran off into the distance.
Commander Awesome then proceeded to set the book aflame, leaving it to burn in the middle of the aisle. The Wal-Mart employees became momentarily alert, surprised by the bright colors, and then receded back to their state of mediocrity. The fire continued to burn, eventually engulfing the entirety of the Conservative Book Section in a bright orange blaze of rage.
Walking away from the smoldering pile of ashes, Commander Awesome strolled to the grocery department, where he sampled the mountains of food that stretched on for hundreds of feet. Each selection of meat and vegetables was below average in quality, progressively getting worse as he stalked the tiled floor, slowly becoming angrier at the second-rate selections that Wal-Mart had offered him. Enraged at the lack of acceptable chicken breast, the Commander suddenly exploded into a fit of intense fury. Flinging the shopping cart across the warehouse-sized store, he grabbed a 6 pound cut of mass-produced cloned Chinese salmon. Leaping into the air, he flew out of the Wal-Mart to the corporation’s headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas. Crashing through a window, he somersaulted into the CEO’s lavish office and slapped the man across the face with the low-quality fish, which proceeded to explode into thousands of shrivels of questionable meat upon impact. Commander Awesome set the disturbed businessman’s desk aflame before flying out the broken window and returning to Albany.
Two days later, the local Albany Wal-Mart closed. The Commander’s wholesale destruction of the Conservative Book Section, the supermarket’s main source of income, had left the corporation with no other option. Upon hearing the news, Commander Awesome grinned.
It was another fine day in the mountainous capital of New York, Albany. Commander Awesome had just departed from his secret cave mansion in the outskirts of the medium-sized metropolis to fetch some grocery items from the local supermarket. As he sailed downwards to the local Wal-Mart, he took a large sniff of the fresh late-summer air and grinned, displaying two rows of absurdly bright teeth.
Commander Awesome proceeded to stroll into the superstore, continuing displaying his trademark smile. Smoothly whipping a cart out of its holding space, he browsed the aisles, carefully observing each item that passed him by.
As the Commander passed through the book section, he saw a customer picking up a copy of Glenn Beck's Arguing With Idiots, and proceeded to stare at the balding, overweight man for a good 7 minutes before the middle-aged figure looked up and noticed the fabulously dressed, muscular, incredibly handsome superhero giving him an ice cold look. The man screamed, dropped the book, and ran off into the distance.
Commander Awesome then proceeded to set the book aflame, leaving it to burn in the middle of the aisle. The Wal-Mart employees became momentarily alert, surprised by the bright colors, and then receded back to their state of mediocrity. The fire continued to burn, eventually engulfing the entirety of the Conservative Book Section in a bright orange blaze of rage.
Walking away from the smoldering pile of ashes, Commander Awesome strolled to the grocery department, where he sampled the mountains of food that stretched on for hundreds of feet. Each selection of meat and vegetables was below average in quality, progressively getting worse as he stalked the tiled floor, slowly becoming angrier at the second-rate selections that Wal-Mart had offered him. Enraged at the lack of acceptable chicken breast, the Commander suddenly exploded into a fit of intense fury. Flinging the shopping cart across the warehouse-sized store, he grabbed a 6 pound cut of mass-produced cloned Chinese salmon. Leaping into the air, he flew out of the Wal-Mart to the corporation’s headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas. Crashing through a window, he somersaulted into the CEO’s lavish office and slapped the man across the face with the low-quality fish, which proceeded to explode into thousands of shrivels of questionable meat upon impact. Commander Awesome set the disturbed businessman’s desk aflame before flying out the broken window and returning to Albany.
Two days later, the local Albany Wal-Mart closed. The Commander’s wholesale destruction of the Conservative Book Section, the supermarket’s main source of income, had left the corporation with no other option. Upon hearing the news, Commander Awesome grinned.