Christmas support thread.

[RAWWR]

Hey everybody, I don't know if this is in the right place, if its not mods feel free to move it, but i decided to put it here because it involves a bit of everything.
So, the holidays can be a hard time for everyone. Wether you have problems with crowds, in wich case the amount of people in the shops, or just the amount of family in your house on christmas day, can make your anxiety levels go through the roof. Or those of us with issues with food, wether it be binge eating, anorexia, or bulima, will have problems with the amount of food around over the christmas period. And those of us with depression can sometimes find the cheery atmosphere enough to make us wanna self harm.
So here is the place to post any problems about anything over the christmas period, and for people to post their suggestions about staying safe and happy(ish) over the holidays.
So......Post.

[Syvelocin]

Posting ^_^

I'll rant a bit here but here are my main problems related to the holidays this year...

1. I'm starting with my flying anxiety and my social anxiety. See, I'll be in THE busiest aeroport in the world first of all, six days before Christmas Eve. So that affects my social anxiety. And then I have a phobia of flying and I'll be trapped in an aeroplane for 8 hours -_-

2. Half my family hates me. It's only my closest family that likes me, my parents and my mum's sisters do. My grandfather isn't too great either. But we get people so far from our (my cousin and I) separate generation, like my grandfather's brother and his wife, along with their kids (my mum's cousins?) and their kids. And even more distant random people I don't remember from the few times I've met them in my childhood.

3. I do dread our Christmas Eve dinner. First, as I said before, I have to sit at the table with people who either hate me or make me uncomfortable (my aunt's boyfriend has yet to confirm that he's coming but I'm really hoping he doesn't) and this will be Jay's second time with this part of my family.

And then, of course, I'm worried my mum will see something odd in how much I eat. I don't restrict my calories like I used to, but I'm no where near eating 2000 calories. And I'm sure our basic Christmas dinner is at least 1000 :P (they make a lot of crap...) I might be able to get off the hook since I'm a vegetarian and the main parts of the meal are the ham and the Polish sausage. But I still don't want her to notice. She wouldn't get mad at me or anything, I just don't want her to bring it up :/

So I'm still going though, even though I don't have to for once. Yep, because I think the benefits will outweigh the struggles... hopefully. I miss my parents a lot :P Same with the family members who like me. And I'm actually pretty homesick even after six months. It seemed like a long half-year to me :/ The first thing I'm doing after I say hi to everyone is walking down to Regent's Park, where I used to play as a kid, or when I was older, I would walk over after school and just sit and watch the squirrels ^_^ I also can't wait to see snow again :P (it doesn't seem to snow that often here, apparently O.O)

[RAWWR]

Sorry you're gonna be struggling a lot this christmas. I don't really have much advice, but I hope your mum doesn't comment on the eating habits, and that your flight goes ok!
Eugh. I'm getting scared now. How am i gonna be able to get away with not eating christmas dinner? Or not binge eating all christmas day, then purging? An the 24th.......Oh jeez, the 24th. The date of my suicide plan. Can i just sleep through it?

[georgiamay]

Christmas has always been a rough time for me, even when I was little. It was around christmas that all of the big family fights took place. Like the time my mum got arrested for "assaulting" her boyfriend (he deserved it), and the time she tried to kill herself.

It's was also the time that my parents first found out about my cutting. It's been getting harder and harder to stop, and I'm scared it'll happen again.

We always go to a really crowded house, and I always just try and blend in and not be seen my people. I don't like how crowded it can get, it makes me nervous. I tend to stay in the room with the least amount of people in, and sit there quitly staring at the TV waiting for things to calm down.

New years eve is the only part of the holiday I like. We always have a party, and for some reason, it's the only time I don't get anxious around a big crowd of my family, no idea why. I like the new year, it makes me think "Next year will be different, I'm one year closer to leaving home." I still feel a bit nervous in the crowd of people around the TV waiting for midnight, but it's nowhere near as bad. I somehow seem to ignore it.

Then there's attempting to have a phone conversation with my mum on christmas day. She hates christmas because of the stuff she went through as a child, and the stuff she did when she went off the rails. She's always so moody christmas day, and I have to pretend to be all happy and cheerful so she thinks I'm having a good time, and that it was the right idea for her to go away for the holiday, not even asking if I wanted to go with her. Lovely right?

Rant much?

[Syvelocin]

Not on Christmas Eve :O (well, not at all really, but you get it). Sleep through it, better, but don't kill yourself hun :hug:
I would encourage you to at least eat a little dinner without purging, but really if it's having them notice you're not eating, you could always say you don't feel too good and want to lie down. I actually was in the hospital with the flu through half of my Christmas trip last year :P

EDIT:
Georgia: I'm sorry :( My actual Christmas experiences were never so traumatic, except for the year my grandfather had a heart attack but... I've always had mostly fond memories of the days themselves. It usually isn't the people in my family that get me anxious for some reason. I guess it's that I have a good chunk of my family who will be there for me. And this year I'm leaving before New Years but even when I stay it's just my aunt and I with paper hats in the living room half asleep on each other's laps because we want to stay up as late as we can XD (midnight is no struggle at all for me)

All I can really say though is to just try to enjoy the spirit of the day. Take it easy. Maybe even try to go out for a walk to cool off and see the Christmas lights :P

[RAWWR]

Don't worry, the plan was made a while back when i was really low, and although i don't plan on carrying it out, the thought of that day is really triggering. :thumbsup:
I will try to be sensible christmas day :/ just not sure how much i can manage.
OOH i wouldn't wanna spend christmas in hospital :/ lol

[Syvelocin]

Well, that wasn't my point :P I actually was sick that year. I meant you could lie down through a part of it, get a little bite to eat, but have an excuse for not eating a full, several course Christmas dinner.

[RAWWR]

lol, yeah, i will see what happens, I might offer to cook christmas dinner so i can give myself a tiny portion.....cause my mum always gives me LOADS!

[Kaius]

Christmas is a hard time for me personally. Nothing horrible has ever happened at Christmas but its a time of the year it really hits home how much i miss those I've lost in the past. But having spent last Christmas quite Ill due to an overdose induced heart problem it made me think a lot. How lucky I am to have those people in the first place, and the people i have at the moment. They're the ones that keep me going, and to be honest a lot of those people are people on this site. How they've helped me cope. Its going to be difficult this year, as it always is but to be honest.. it won't be as hard knowing I have those people behind me whenever i need them to be and as i'll be there for them.

[Mike321]

I've never really been a big fan of christmas, especialy now that my aunt doesn't speak to my dad (was becuase of an arugement that happened almost 2 years ago).
So its really awkward when they come round on christmas night, as half the family sit in different rooms and never talk the whole night. So I feel bit stuck in the middle really.
The boxing day my dads side of the family come round, and they're always over the top and constantly go on at for various different things, and like to humiliate me infront of everyone (like they did at my 18th birthday)

So yeah, bit of a rant really sorry.
Hope everyone esle stays safe this christmas

[RAWWR]

Stupid fucking christmas! :cry2:

[Love.Hate]

Well this christmas is going to be um.. interesting.. Be prepared for a rant.

On the 24th of december it will be exactly a year since my friend died. She was only 15, too young to go. She unexpectedly fell ill on the 18th of Dec and died six days later.. To this day the doctors still dont know what was wrong with her. So im going to be quite upset that she cant be here for the 2nd christmas in a row.
Food- Oh god. Pleasee i dont want to eat that much. Im not going to eat that much, But i dont want my mum to know somethings up. I cant go and throw it up afterwards because loads of people will be in our house to celebrate. urgh.. So im going to get fatter.GREAT.
Family- Well im fed up of my family (If you havent already gathered), always being told what to do, what to study at A/AS level.., Annoying sisters... you get the idea..
Happy- I dont want to act like im happy.. When im not. Everyone is all smiley all day long. Posing for photographs. I just cant take it!
I just dont want christmas to come, i mean yes i do love it in a way.. Because all my happy childhood memories of it.. But i just cant put up with fake smiles all day long..

I always feel so guilty.. Eating WAY too much, recieving presents that cost a fortune when really i dont even want them.. Just everything..

Sorry if you read that.. I must have bored you! but there you go eh. -Rant Over

[RAWWR]

oh fran *hugs* sorry christmas is gonna be so hard for you aswell.
My plan to get through this christmas-get so drunk i can't even remember my name :P

[Love.Hate]

My plan to get through this christmas-get so drunk i can't even remember my name :P

Sounds like a great idea to me :)

[Fiction]

Well my first Christmas without my Grandad :/ And after my grandad died my dad and his brothers ahd big arguements over arrangements so it's going to be fun having all of them in the same room at once...
And the food... well, that's going to be fun. All my dieting wasted.

[RAWWR]

So. Christmas holiays...Here we are again. Great.
*curls up and hides*

[georgiamay]

So. Christmas holiays...Here we are again. Great.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *dies*



I'm already panicking about having to act happy. Especially because I'm going to have to spend a few hours with my grandparents on christmas eve on my own, so it's going to be so much harder to act happy, because I can't just simply blend into the background. All I want to do these days is sit down and watch paint dry. Seriously, I hate everything, and I struggle to do any task at all. How the hell am I meant to act like I'm enjoying myself, when all I want to do is leave the room sit on my bed and stare at the wall?

And, my family seems to have this idea that everyone has to look nice on christmas. So I can't just wear jeans and a t-shirt, I need to look nice. I don't want to look nice, I don't care. But if I show up looking like a skank, my whole family will be whispering, and talking about how awful I look, and I won't be able to cope with that. So I'll have to dress "acceptably." And then, all of my cousins will look like those cover girls on the front of magazines (because they're THAT pretty), and I'm going to spend all fucking day comparing myself to them, examining their body and comparing mine to theirs, and emphasising just how ugly I already feel anyway.

And the family games.... tbh, they're quite fun. But when it's my turn, my anxiety kicks in, and my palms get all sweaty, and my heart starts beating really fast. But I have to act normal and take my turn anyway. It's just the rule. I hate it when people look at me. Everyone stares at me when it's my go, and I hate it. I feel like they're examining me for faults.

So yeah, ew. Christmas :|

[Weeping]

Well, I don't really have anything to say but..
Good Luck everyone! :hug:

[Syvelocin]

On Christmas, I've always been the one to just grin and bear it. My last bad Christmas was when we had to call 911 because my grandfather had a stroke that night. Other than that, my memories are mostly good. I love that time of year. It's when I forget about everything, every time I was upset, every time we argued. I don't know why, but Christmas is the only time I can just happily sit down at the piano with everyone around us, playing cheery Christmas songs singing along with the rest of them. It's like my depression goes on vacation away from me as well, just for that time.

It's hard for me to comprehend unhappiness on Christmas, but I feel for you guys too. I understand anxiety, since that's what I'm going through, but there's no doubt I'm going to have a great time despite all of that. Christmas comes once a year, and this will probably be the last Christmas I spend in that same house, my grandfather's house, that we do every year, since before I was born. My grandfather has ALS, and after he goes we'll be selling that memory-filled house.

[Scarface]

Hello guys,

First of all I want to wish you a merry holiday and a happy fresh and crisp new year. It seems for a lot of you this is a very tough time of year. Whether it's because someone you were close with has passed or other trivial happenings in the family. Sometimes it can be a very dramatic time of year.

I can relate to those who are upset because they miss a loved one as I too have lost a dear family member, which has changed my family and turned it completely upside down, more so than already. My grandmother, she was the legs that kept the table together in the family. I lived with her for a couple of years during my life. My grandmother and I had a special bond that no one has been able to fill. She could always say the right things to me to make me feel better. Especially when I thought I had no one, she would tell me one of her famous lines and it was like magic, I would feel better. She made each christmas that I was able to spend with her a helluva lot better than I could have ever imagined. She always had gifts for me. It was never much, but to me, it was always like I was holding a million dollar check in my hands. After she passed away 2 years ago September 9th the family is literally crumbling and I've just learned to accept it for what it is.

For you out there that have lost a family member, I give you my deepest condolences as you're not going to be alone on this Holiday. You might not have that family/friend around anymore, but for what it's worth, see the people that you have in front of you now. Either here on VT or in real life. Not saying to replace them, but always know that there's always going to be someone there for you. Those loved ones will always be with you, even though not in person. Stay strong.

To those with family issues or trivial cases. I know for those of you out there with issues with family is also going to be a rough patch for this year because you might be thinking of other people that have a big family get together, you know, the postcard picture scene. Everyone at the table, enjoying themselves with positive and 'christmas-y' spirit etc. Though to those that don't have that or anything similar, I hope that sometime this holiday break and time period that a piece of happiness wherever it comes from, warms you with joy that's supposed to come along with the season.

If that means you have to get away from family because it gets too rough you could see if you could spend a day or so with a friend, or talk to someone that will brighten up your day. Sometimes when time off of school happens and sadness because of certain events, this one being christmas, it can bring negative thoughts and/or actions. I really hope that none of you consider doing anything without thinking it through. Try to think of the entire picture that even though everything isn't going as it should right this moment, that in due time that it won't get right. A philosophy I believe in is that; everything happens for a reason. If it's meant to be, then it is mean to be but there will always be better times to come. Even though it's the holidays, don't ever let the grief/feelings of other tear you down. If it's a loss of a family member, always know that they're free. That they're no longer in any pain and they are in a better place. Cherish the life that they lived in your everyday life. Don't always think of just them dying, think of all the great times that you have spent. Always think positively.

Remember that even at your loneliest, there is always going to be someone to bring you up. May this holiday season bring you everything you desire and a pleasant new year. Enjoy :)

[RAWWR]

Great. Ok, now its really the christmas hols, the last 2 days were ok cause it was just me off school. But now my mum, brother and sister have finished too :( Whats the chances someone will give me the supplies for my plan for christmas?