I have a serious problem...

[Axellance]

I have been obsessed with my weight as long as I can remember... I think I began to worry about my weight when I was about 12.... When I first started to use this website I made a couple posts in here about me not eating... and such... but... I thought I was past the obsession... and there was a short time when I felt good... thin... hot... I guess this obsession has been creeping back for quite some time. I was too proud to admit it to anyone though.

Basically the last few days I have been eating 200-1000 calories a day... then every couple days I loose control and eat like 900 calories in a sitting... feel a horrid amount of guilt and purge... Ive lost 5 lbs in three days. I guess things got really outa control again when I went to check my bmi and it said i am overweight i checked it again recently and i think i put the numbers in wrong or something but seeing that set something off inside of me... i felt like i was that ashamed 12 year old boy again... whose step mom has a tape measure around his waist telling him to suck in as far as he can and that the measurement of his waist sucked in as far as possible should be his goal measurement by then end of the summer...

I'm so ashamed to admit this to all of you... I know its not healthy but part of me doesn't want to do anything about it... because I feel such a sense of accomplishment when i step onto that scale and see a decrease... its like a high... i feel like the most beautiful person in the world in a word... untouchable when I've dropped weight. I don't even know where to begin or what to do to change this.

Probably most of you don't remember me from before i stopped coming on here regularly... or joined after i stopped using VT

[exploradora]

I'm not really sure what to say, cause I still feel the same way half the time. try your hardest not to count calories or weigh yourself, find something you like to do that you feel proud of, that could substitute for the 'high' you get after seeing a weight decrease? I know it's hard, but you coming back and posting is the first step; at least you're admitting that it can't be healthy, and part of you somewhere probably knows that if this keeps happening, it won't end well. hopefully that helps a bit? good luck (:

[Fiction]

You shouldn't be ashamed of admitting it. It's a problem and you can't help it, but you can help yourself get better. As Natalie said, try not to weigh yourself. I found this more useful than anything else. Also try not to count calories and eat when you are hungry. Try and remember how you used to eat and keep it like that. If you can maybe try to get help? Good luck and feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

[Axellance]

I no longer keep a scale in my house because i weight myself on an hourly basis if I have one... but when ever i got to my boyfriends house or a friends i weigh myself and sometimes i freak out like I know that my boyfriends scale adds 10 pounds but I still believe the heavier number over the lighter number and use that as motivation to limit my diet even more.... the thing is looking at this over the years my body has done a remarkable job adjusting my metabolism so i cant loose or gain a significant amount of weight no matter how much i limit myself or haw much I fall off the wagon. I am stuck in an eternal state of "skinny-fat" never looking particularly slim or fit and also never looking particularly fat... just average plus 10 pounds... or at least thats how i see myself...

[Fiction]

Ask your boyfriend if he can remove his scales? or try to resist weighing yourself while you are there.
Maybe you should seek help? it sounds as though you definatley have a problem.