Getting help? Talking? FUCK NO!

[georgiamay]

At first it seemed like a good idea, and then last night I suddenly started panicking. I don't want to go back to that psychiatrist, I don't want to go into therapy, because that would involve talking.
I don't want to talk to him at all.
I did last time, but I don't want to do it again, he knows too much already, I don't want people knowing what's inside my head, at all, I don't care how many qualifications they have.

I can live with it.
He seemed to be most concerned about the thing that I refused to go into detail about.
He wants me to talk about that, but I can deal with it! That's not my main problem, I know what my main problem is, and it's not that.
I won't describe what he wants to know about. I won't. It's just too personal and private.

I'll talk about the stuff that actually bothers me, fine, but I will not tell him about them "thoughts." He's lucky I even mentioned them at all.

I don't want to talk about anything, I want to bottle it up, I don't want anyone knowing it, no one.

I wish I could turn back time and hide that diary better, so my dad wouldn't have forced me to talk to that guy. That way I could have gone to councelling instead.
But no. Dad wants the best for me.

I don't want it, I don't want to talk to ANYONE. My thoughts are mine, and no one else can see them. Sure, these thoughts might be intrusive, and I hate them, and I wish I didn't have them, but I refuse to describe them.

[Fiction]

Georgia you know that your dad is trying to do the best for you. he's trying to help you, and you know what, it might actually help! Wouldn't it be so amazing to one day be free of these thoughts, and of cutting, and of feeling shit all the time? Surely that's what you want at the end of the day?
I'm sorry i don't really know what to say.
Good luck and you know you can always talk to me xxx

[georgiamay]

But I don't think these intrusive thoughts will ever go away, even with therapy. They're the one thing that I will not describe to anyone, not even a therapist or psychiatrist, and trust me, you don't want to know what they're about. But the thing it, they bother me when I have them, but it's not them that makes me want to cut, it's other stuff, stuff that I don't mind talking about. But this psychiatrist guy seemed to only want to talk about these intrusive thoughts.

I won't talk about them. No, I won't describe what goes on in them, and I won't talk about it in therapy.

It's okay kathy, don't apologise :P

[Syvelocin]

Bill of Rights for People Who Self-Harm (http://www.palace.net/llama/psych/brights.html)
5. The right to disclose to whom they choose only what they choose.

The text under it directly applies to only self-harm but the point it makes definitely applies here.

I had brought out that link for another post I did so it was fresh in my mind when I saw this.

You have every right to choose what you want and don't want to talk about with him. And if he wants to do his job correctly, he will understand this.

[Mike321]

I may be wrong here, but your dad is just trying to help you and doesn't want to see you hurt yourself.
But I think that you should tell the psychiatrist, only the things you want to. He can't force you to tell him if you don't want to.
I mean it might help you if you did tell him, but no one is going to make you, and as Rith said, you have every right to choose what you tell him.
And I'm sure your dad would rather you get help with your cutting, your thoughts are personal.
You can't change the past and what happened with your dad finding you diary, but explain to your psychiatrist that you only want to talk about the stuff that is bothering you, and as a professional he should respect that choice and help you with that.
Hope this helps :)