Sexual Confusion, Advice or Reassurance?

[anxietyman]

I know it's a repost, but i'm having confusion issues just like last year (I'm noticing that it's always winter related)

Well,
Having used the internet to put my buzzing mind to rest so many times I have that this site comes up alot so I'm willing to give it a try.

Basically
I've turned 18, I'm male
and I'm sexually confused as i'll soon explain.

History;
My dad left me when I was younger, so I've been brought up by my Mom.
Male rolemodels in my family weren't the best (Alcoholics, Violence)
My first girlfriend (who I dated for a year, sexual contact etc) cheated on me with my best friend then dumped me.
I have noticed a relationship pattern of mine, it goes;
Serious, Rebound, Serious, Rebound. (my most recent girlfriend is my fourth and I've noticed that if I don't get on with a girl I feel like I don't want to be around her)
I used to have an outstanding sex drive for women (masturbation on a regular basis etc)
and I also had no self confidence and wished I could get a girlfriend.
I don't see my friends enough.
A majority of my friends have ditched me, because I quit college.
My current girlfriend destroyed my trust in her, by lying and matter other guys.


Recently;
After my first girlfriend destroyed me I went through some major changes (style, music taste, social groups)
In which time I got a haircut and some new clothes and girls were interested in me.
Which was a good thing, but I feel since becoming so confident I have lost interest in trying to get a girls affections.
But I do enjoy being around my friends (males) more than being with my current girlfriend (but it has nothing to do with attraction).
I have also recently joined college (when I joined secondary education I suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, depression) I'm thinking that the same is occuring here.
I have a constant sick feeling in my stomach, I don't feel happy and I can't acknowledge a good thing or a bad thing.
I have an incredibly poor diet and sleep patterns (I usually manage the equivalent of a sandwich in a day and six hours sleep, mostly oversleeping)


I don't know if the internet has desensitized me to Women and straight porn.
But I saw gay porn earlier and I got an erection.
But for the most part, it was uncomfortable to watch.
Which has worried me.
But I'm thinking that all of my problems have accumulated into this.
I also don't feel very masculine, so it could be gender association.
I just need to know if it's normal, and that it will go away at some point.


I'm actually confused in general,
Because I'm pretty smart (not being bigheaded) I analyze everything over and over and over.
I'm hoping that I'm a regular teen with sexual confusion worrys and that it feels amplified because I'm coping with joining a new school or something.

I don't want to be gay or attracted to men.
I've grown up wanting to spend my life with a girl I love.

So please, don't tell me to accept it, I know theres something that can be done or something I've overlooked.

I just want to enjoy my teenage years with my friends and girlfriend.

(I'm also considering suicide. Depression induced?)

thanks for any help/reassurance.

I'm going to try and see a Counselor about this, maybe I just need to talk it out and let things run its course.

[Fiction]

Depression can be associated with lack of sex drive so this could be why you don't feel the same about girls at the moment.
As for liking boys, just see how it goes, sounds to me like it is just teenage confusion. There is no point worrying about it now just "go with the flow". Only time will tell your true sexuality.

[anxietyman]

But i'm 18?
Doesn't it usually happen around 13/16?
and alot of others say that the confusion is a result of the depression, which could explain alot.

[Fiction]

Well I think it can happen at anytime. I wouldn't worry about it, i'd just let what is going to happen, happen.
Feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

[anxietyman]

So is this a phase?
I think if I knew that, I could relax alot more.
And thanks for the help

[Fiction]

it could possibly a phase, of course I can't say for sure, but you've never had feelings for a guy before? Until now? And are the feelings emotional for guys aswell?

[anxietyman]

not emotional, but yeah only recently this has happened
but before it's been women

[Fiction]

Then i guess it is a phase, if you've never felt like this before and if it's not emotional too.

[anxietyman]

cheers