Immortal Love
November 30th, 2010, 08:43 PM
When I woke up, everything was quiet, and dark. No more yelling, no more screaming. What happened?
I sat up, looking around and squinting my eyes to see better. I was in a different room then my previous one. How did I get here?
Ever so slowly, my thoughts dripped back into my foggy head, and I remembered.
That kid.... Brian was his name, had a little knife on him, and was going to kill the guard. The other guards came to help, and went for me too.
I remembered fighting because.. the voices told me to do it. They said if I didn't, the people would drug me up and control me... just like 'HE' did.
I shook my head, clearing out the last of the sedative they got me with.
“Why did I have to panic? I should of just kept calm, but no! Someone just had to go and rile me up!” I hissed, clenching my fists and growling.
“Hey, you know it's true. Your scared of this place. These people and what they do. It's your worst fear.” the voice replied, her voice sounding smart- alecy. I just hated her. Always butting in. You see, I am bipolar, and I have MPD, except sometimes I hear my other personality. She has a name too, Anastasia. It's the weirdest, and worst thing to ever have in my life. Naturally I've never told a soul about it, because I didn't want to get committed to the Funny Farm. Ha, to late for that now.
I stood up slowly, looking around more. There was absolutely nothing in here, besides my bed. It was empty and gave me the creeps. I felt like I was in some sort of prison cell.
“At least I don't have a straight- jacket..” I sighed as I paced back and forth, just thinking quietly to myself. I wondered how much longer it would be before that Doc guy came for me. Hopefully Later, then sooner....
My thoughts then drifted back to Bree. Poor girl.. they got her all drugged up, and now she was blank as paper.
With a heavy sigh, I went back to my bed and sat down, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. One of my favorite songs started to play through my head, no thanks to Anastasia.
“Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside, Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without Lithium. I wanna stay in love with my sorrow, oh, but God I wanna let it go..” I whispered, shushing up when I heard someone unlocking the door. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling my heart start to race. I could hear Anastasia snickering since she saw my reaction. Stupid little Personality....
“Alright Miss Hunter, we need you to come with us now.” I heard someone call from somewhere near me. I glanced up, seeing two of those guard guys standing about 5 feet away from me. One of them was holding something white... and it looked like a jacket. I could feel my heart in my throat now, and my eyes growing wide. My vision started turning red, and it began to shake.
“I... “ I whispered, trying very hard to keep cool. Anastasia was trying hard to break out too and gain control.
'No Ana, keep back please! I don't wanna be committed here for good!' I cried to her in my head.
'Oh now Hunter, quit fighting me and let the stronger one take over. You can't win, you are just a-' I cut her off, and nodded to the guards as I stood and walked shakily to them.
The one holding the what I figured was a straight- jacket gave me a kind of worried look. Ha, if only he knew...
“Alright miss, just keep calm, and nothing will go wrong.” he said after a moment. They took hold of me, putting the jacket on and making sure it was on tight. Anastasia was screaming bloody hell in my head, and causing pure hell for me.
They led me back and into some sort of examination room, and told me to sit and wait. The doctor would be in in a second.
“O-okay...” I muttered, walking to a empty chair and sitting down, wide eyed. I don't know why, but doctor offices, any kind of them, always seemed to practically send me into a panic attack. I just hated them all.
“Just keep your cool. Remember how to lie. Don't let it slip up your a psycho. Can't be committed..” I repeated quietly to myself as I waited, bouncing my knee quickly. I had always had that habit when I was nervous or excited. People always got annoyed from it too. Hearing the door squeak open, I forced my knee to stay still. Sucking in a quick, deep breath, I wiped all emotion from my face, looking solemn as ever. Ha, see him try and get anything from me now!
Turns out, it was of course Dr. Sims again. Unfortunately, he already knew that I Self- harmed, which would probably lead to a million questions as to why I did so. Better start lining up the lies then, because no way in hell would I tell him, or anyone for that matter, the truth.
He walked in, smiling as if we were good friends here for a chat. That bugged me a bit. How could you be so calm, when your around all these mentally insane people? All I knew was that it beat me.
Sitting down, he pulled out a file, no doubt with information on myself. He scanned over it quickly, nodding to himself. What he was thinking, I was afraid to know. Finally he set them down, and looked right into my eyes, his were a calm chocolate brown, but very.. piercing. It felt like he was looking in my soul... Creepy much?
“Alright Miss Hunter, we need to talk about a few things. Now don't worry about a thing, just keep calm.” he said, his voice smooth and calm.
Don't worry? Ha! To late for that one buddy. I was worse then worried when I walked through the door. I was terrified.
“Of course.. Dr. Sims. I'm as calm as a kitten.” I replied, my voice calm and quite convincing sounding, or so I thought.
'Are you kidding me here Hunt? That was pathetic! He'll see through that one like glass!' she guffawed loudly, almost making me jump. She'd been pretty quiet ever since I walked in here, that I'd almost forgotten about her. Wish she''d kept quiet though....
“Good good! Now, do you know why you are here?” I sighed, keeping my thoughts to myself. Made me to upset when people treated you like a 5 year old....
“Yes Sir, I think it was from my... incident with the guards. I wanted to apologize, but I have a phobia of being handled, or restrained.” I almost smirked as I said that, because that one wasn't a lie. I had reason as to why I didn't like those things.
“Ah, I see. Why is that Hunter?” he pressed, watching my every move like a hawk. Oh hell... didn't think of that one. I hesitated, pursing my lips as I thought.
' Didn't see that one coming, now did you?” Ana whispered, making me narrow my eyes.
“No, I didn't, but you knew that already!” I snapped back mentally, scowling as I did so, which earned me a look from the Doc.
“Ah, I honestly do not know Sir.” I said quietly, keeping that one short.
“Hmm, alright then...” he murmured, jotting something down on a paper, looking thoughtful as he did so.
“Okay, now on to more serious questions. Your friend... Bree was it? Yes, told me, well rather showed me your self inflicted injuries. This raised a flag to me. Why would a girl like you, do something like that?” I sighed again, closing my eyes. How many times people asked me that...
“Well, again Sir, I don't know. I just... do.” I replied dryly, crossing my legs and shifting my weight. This jacket was hurting my arms...
“Oh.. don't you?” he asked, smiling a little bit. I didn't like that either.
“Yes Sir. I don't.”
“Well,” he sighed, standing up and walking over to a door and opening it,
“I know you are refusing to say these things, so I will try a different approach. Follow me please” he called, waiting patiently.
I stood up silently, and drifted into the room, squinting my eyes to see better. Now it looked like a psychiatrist's office. Oh. Shit.
I froze where I was standing, my eyes getting bigger then dinner plates. I knew what he was planning now, and I was going into a state of panic.
He walked up behind me, and gently nudged me forward, towards the red velvet couch. I, who was too scared to know, went stiffly and sat, shaking hard.
He looked at me, smirking as he saw my once calm fake emotion, replaced with true fear. Guess he saw through me after all, huh?
He grabbed a small pocket watch from a desk, and came to sit in a chair in front of me, smiling.
“Now Hunter, I know your scared, but you can trust me. I just want to help you. You can relax with me, be calm with me.” he said, his voice mellow and very trustful sounding.
I nodded silently, and relaxed, leaning back and feeling calm.
“Good good, now take some deep breaths for me. In, Out, In Out. That's it, good....” he said as I did so, feeling myself getting calmer by the second. Oh he was good... Even Anastasia couldn't fight this one.
“Now, when I count backwards from ten, and reach one, your going to be perfectly calm, and in a deep sleep. All you will do is listen to me, and honestly answer anything I ask of you, understood?” I nodded numbly, just listening, and not really thinking anymore.
Ever so slowly, he began to count. Each number pulling me down into a fog. Into a state of perfect harmony.
“ 10, 9, 8, 7 ,6, 5, 4, 3, 2,...1, sleep” he said, and almost immediately, I was out like that. Pulled down into the darkness. But for once, I wasn't scared. I was calm.
I sat up, looking around and squinting my eyes to see better. I was in a different room then my previous one. How did I get here?
Ever so slowly, my thoughts dripped back into my foggy head, and I remembered.
That kid.... Brian was his name, had a little knife on him, and was going to kill the guard. The other guards came to help, and went for me too.
I remembered fighting because.. the voices told me to do it. They said if I didn't, the people would drug me up and control me... just like 'HE' did.
I shook my head, clearing out the last of the sedative they got me with.
“Why did I have to panic? I should of just kept calm, but no! Someone just had to go and rile me up!” I hissed, clenching my fists and growling.
“Hey, you know it's true. Your scared of this place. These people and what they do. It's your worst fear.” the voice replied, her voice sounding smart- alecy. I just hated her. Always butting in. You see, I am bipolar, and I have MPD, except sometimes I hear my other personality. She has a name too, Anastasia. It's the weirdest, and worst thing to ever have in my life. Naturally I've never told a soul about it, because I didn't want to get committed to the Funny Farm. Ha, to late for that now.
I stood up slowly, looking around more. There was absolutely nothing in here, besides my bed. It was empty and gave me the creeps. I felt like I was in some sort of prison cell.
“At least I don't have a straight- jacket..” I sighed as I paced back and forth, just thinking quietly to myself. I wondered how much longer it would be before that Doc guy came for me. Hopefully Later, then sooner....
My thoughts then drifted back to Bree. Poor girl.. they got her all drugged up, and now she was blank as paper.
With a heavy sigh, I went back to my bed and sat down, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. One of my favorite songs started to play through my head, no thanks to Anastasia.
“Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside, Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without Lithium. I wanna stay in love with my sorrow, oh, but God I wanna let it go..” I whispered, shushing up when I heard someone unlocking the door. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling my heart start to race. I could hear Anastasia snickering since she saw my reaction. Stupid little Personality....
“Alright Miss Hunter, we need you to come with us now.” I heard someone call from somewhere near me. I glanced up, seeing two of those guard guys standing about 5 feet away from me. One of them was holding something white... and it looked like a jacket. I could feel my heart in my throat now, and my eyes growing wide. My vision started turning red, and it began to shake.
“I... “ I whispered, trying very hard to keep cool. Anastasia was trying hard to break out too and gain control.
'No Ana, keep back please! I don't wanna be committed here for good!' I cried to her in my head.
'Oh now Hunter, quit fighting me and let the stronger one take over. You can't win, you are just a-' I cut her off, and nodded to the guards as I stood and walked shakily to them.
The one holding the what I figured was a straight- jacket gave me a kind of worried look. Ha, if only he knew...
“Alright miss, just keep calm, and nothing will go wrong.” he said after a moment. They took hold of me, putting the jacket on and making sure it was on tight. Anastasia was screaming bloody hell in my head, and causing pure hell for me.
They led me back and into some sort of examination room, and told me to sit and wait. The doctor would be in in a second.
“O-okay...” I muttered, walking to a empty chair and sitting down, wide eyed. I don't know why, but doctor offices, any kind of them, always seemed to practically send me into a panic attack. I just hated them all.
“Just keep your cool. Remember how to lie. Don't let it slip up your a psycho. Can't be committed..” I repeated quietly to myself as I waited, bouncing my knee quickly. I had always had that habit when I was nervous or excited. People always got annoyed from it too. Hearing the door squeak open, I forced my knee to stay still. Sucking in a quick, deep breath, I wiped all emotion from my face, looking solemn as ever. Ha, see him try and get anything from me now!
Turns out, it was of course Dr. Sims again. Unfortunately, he already knew that I Self- harmed, which would probably lead to a million questions as to why I did so. Better start lining up the lies then, because no way in hell would I tell him, or anyone for that matter, the truth.
He walked in, smiling as if we were good friends here for a chat. That bugged me a bit. How could you be so calm, when your around all these mentally insane people? All I knew was that it beat me.
Sitting down, he pulled out a file, no doubt with information on myself. He scanned over it quickly, nodding to himself. What he was thinking, I was afraid to know. Finally he set them down, and looked right into my eyes, his were a calm chocolate brown, but very.. piercing. It felt like he was looking in my soul... Creepy much?
“Alright Miss Hunter, we need to talk about a few things. Now don't worry about a thing, just keep calm.” he said, his voice smooth and calm.
Don't worry? Ha! To late for that one buddy. I was worse then worried when I walked through the door. I was terrified.
“Of course.. Dr. Sims. I'm as calm as a kitten.” I replied, my voice calm and quite convincing sounding, or so I thought.
'Are you kidding me here Hunt? That was pathetic! He'll see through that one like glass!' she guffawed loudly, almost making me jump. She'd been pretty quiet ever since I walked in here, that I'd almost forgotten about her. Wish she''d kept quiet though....
“Good good! Now, do you know why you are here?” I sighed, keeping my thoughts to myself. Made me to upset when people treated you like a 5 year old....
“Yes Sir, I think it was from my... incident with the guards. I wanted to apologize, but I have a phobia of being handled, or restrained.” I almost smirked as I said that, because that one wasn't a lie. I had reason as to why I didn't like those things.
“Ah, I see. Why is that Hunter?” he pressed, watching my every move like a hawk. Oh hell... didn't think of that one. I hesitated, pursing my lips as I thought.
' Didn't see that one coming, now did you?” Ana whispered, making me narrow my eyes.
“No, I didn't, but you knew that already!” I snapped back mentally, scowling as I did so, which earned me a look from the Doc.
“Ah, I honestly do not know Sir.” I said quietly, keeping that one short.
“Hmm, alright then...” he murmured, jotting something down on a paper, looking thoughtful as he did so.
“Okay, now on to more serious questions. Your friend... Bree was it? Yes, told me, well rather showed me your self inflicted injuries. This raised a flag to me. Why would a girl like you, do something like that?” I sighed again, closing my eyes. How many times people asked me that...
“Well, again Sir, I don't know. I just... do.” I replied dryly, crossing my legs and shifting my weight. This jacket was hurting my arms...
“Oh.. don't you?” he asked, smiling a little bit. I didn't like that either.
“Yes Sir. I don't.”
“Well,” he sighed, standing up and walking over to a door and opening it,
“I know you are refusing to say these things, so I will try a different approach. Follow me please” he called, waiting patiently.
I stood up silently, and drifted into the room, squinting my eyes to see better. Now it looked like a psychiatrist's office. Oh. Shit.
I froze where I was standing, my eyes getting bigger then dinner plates. I knew what he was planning now, and I was going into a state of panic.
He walked up behind me, and gently nudged me forward, towards the red velvet couch. I, who was too scared to know, went stiffly and sat, shaking hard.
He looked at me, smirking as he saw my once calm fake emotion, replaced with true fear. Guess he saw through me after all, huh?
He grabbed a small pocket watch from a desk, and came to sit in a chair in front of me, smiling.
“Now Hunter, I know your scared, but you can trust me. I just want to help you. You can relax with me, be calm with me.” he said, his voice mellow and very trustful sounding.
I nodded silently, and relaxed, leaning back and feeling calm.
“Good good, now take some deep breaths for me. In, Out, In Out. That's it, good....” he said as I did so, feeling myself getting calmer by the second. Oh he was good... Even Anastasia couldn't fight this one.
“Now, when I count backwards from ten, and reach one, your going to be perfectly calm, and in a deep sleep. All you will do is listen to me, and honestly answer anything I ask of you, understood?” I nodded numbly, just listening, and not really thinking anymore.
Ever so slowly, he began to count. Each number pulling me down into a fog. Into a state of perfect harmony.
“ 10, 9, 8, 7 ,6, 5, 4, 3, 2,...1, sleep” he said, and almost immediately, I was out like that. Pulled down into the darkness. But for once, I wasn't scared. I was calm.