Nevermore
November 30th, 2010, 09:11 AM
Right now I'm a mess. I'm emotionally unstable. I would just LOVE to cut myself right now. Guess what?! I can't. I haven't for the longest time and I need it, but I can't, becuase I don't want to get locked up in an institution. So as a result I'm flipping out at everyone, because I'm so irritable. I've taken my anxiety meds, like my doc asked me. Has my mood and anxiety straightened like it was supposed to? No! It's been months and no change. She needs to give up. It's a losing battle with me. She can't fix me, no one can. :( I don't want to crawl out of bed, even though I have been. It's a struggle to get up in the morning. I feel the need to see blood, and feel pain, because right now I can't feel anything. Even though I'm so close to being hospitalized, I feel like skrew it! I can't get a hold of myself. Nothing can calm my anxiety down. I need help. I have a love/ hate realtionship with my doc same with going into an institution. To be honest, I think I might need to go, it could help me, maybe. However, I'm terrified. Yes it could be the worst experience ever, but who will know unless you give it a try. I'm like a cat that has to take a bath, who is afraid of water. I'll go, with enough persuasion, but it will be a fight to get me in. MY mind may say maybe but my heart says no don't go. Please help me. :(