I'm not sure this is actualy ED-NOS?

[BreatheHopeIntoMe]

I have chronic dieting issues. I'm 119lbs and five foot four inches. I know this adds up to be a healthy weight but I promise It doesn't 'look' healthy.

I've only eaten one slice of french toast (no syrup), one can of Fresca, and one can of Coke. It's almost six thirty PM at this point so the day is almost over (thankfully).
I've been dieting since Junior high. I've never been happy with my weight, I've always been disgusting.
At 16-17 I was placed in a Psychiatric hospital where I gained fifteen pounds. After discovering my weight, I immediately stopped eating. I would have just about 900 calories a day, maybe less. I lost all fifteen faster than I can explain.
It was extreamly hard for me to pull back from that and begin eating a little over 1000 calories again.
I was told this was considered Anorexia.
I don't know.

I weigh myself once a day, always look in the mirror, never satisfied with what I see.
I work hard to get out of eating, but I think my mom is getting suspecious.
Currently, a good friend of mine who was Bulimic/Anorexic is dieting with me, we're pretty much not eating and throwing up any food that we REALLY shouldn't have eaten.

I don't know if theres anything wrong with me. I don't think there is... But that's why I'm here asking for you're opinions.... What do you guys think?

[Fiction]

Anorexia and Bulimia both have pretty strict diagnosis criterias and with your weight, you don't fit this criteria, which is not a bad thing.
It does sound as though you have disordered eating though. You may have EDNOS. (link below)
http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=88803

Feel free to contact me if you ever want any help or just to talk. I am currently trying to recover from this I know what your going through and how horrible and frustrating it is.

[BreatheHopeIntoMe]

Thanks for the reply and the link, I'm sorta afraid that it's developing into Anorexia, because I've consumed 500 calories today and any more than 500 feels like a lot to me. I know that all week I won't be eating more than 500... I don't know what to think of it.

How do you recover from something like this though? With the massive fear of gaining weight, I don't see that as being possible.

[Fiction]

I know what you mean and it really isn't fucking easy. 500 is about what i eat per day. You just have to remember how you used to feel, before all this guilt set in and you have to block out the feelings of guilt. Do not weigh yourself. This is another hard thing, I went yesterday without weighing myself once, first day in months. Try not to check colories either and just try to eat as close as you used to eat as possible. It's something you have to be really determined to do :/

[BreatheHopeIntoMe]

I can't remember a time where I wasn't dieting. =\
Five hundred calories feels good, I won't lie. I'm not overly hungry to where my stomach hurts, but I'm not full either. I'm right in the middle, it feels great. =)

Sorry, I'm not trying to trigger you. =\

How would somebody go about getting help for something like this? I can't exactly talk to my parents.

[Fiction]

I don't really know how the medical help system works in the US, so I don't really know sorry. Although i've not recieved help for it either, because I don't want my parents to know either. Once you decide you really want to get better you just have to try so hard to alter your mindset on it all. I've done pretty well so far but I can pretty much tell i'm going to slip up at one point, but a slip up doesn't mean failiure.
Altering your mindset isn't an easy thing to do. Just push out all memories of your diet, eat what you want when your hungry, eat the foods you want to eat- regardless of how high calorie they are. Basically let your natural instinct of eating take over.

As i said before, feel free to contact me if you want to talk- either by vm, pm or my email address in my sig :) You can get through this :)