no where to hide.

[RockstarRocks]

ok so i have alot on my mind plz read. if u care not that i exspect anyone to noone ever does.

1. i cant get over my past. my family use to call me names all the time hear r some things that i remember.
1 my cusin said i cant take u serisuly with ur hair like that. my hair use to be long frizzy.2. my granda told me i should wear my hair like my cuzin takin my hair throwin it over my head. but that wasent me. i liked my hair in my face it blocked me from seeing people stare at me.
my sister and brother use to call me ugly. they said before when i was younger they say my sister could be miss america but not me. i hate pagents and stuff but that made me feel horibol. my sister tells me she thinks im pretty now and says she likes my emo style. I dont no if she says im pretty to be nice or if she lies because shes nicer a little.

also i hate myself. i feel that i mess everything up. i want to be dead. but im afraid to die. what i say makes no sense at all. to much on my mind. i want to run and hide but i cant. i want to not talk but my mom will get sad so im lost. i hate that im afraid to die. i hate me.

my dad died 2005 and there is problems left i cant fix.hard for me to move on.

i go to school and feel alone

my mom is starting to get her major depression back. im afraid stress will kill her. if i ever lose her i got nothing. she is all i live for

i cant sleep im tired right now.been up since 2:30am cant sleep till 8 tired. i have to be asleep by 9 or i get paranoid. no one gets it my mom gets angry. i have to sleep with her so she has to go to bed at 9 to. i wont sleep alone or the ghost will come back..

i isolate myself from friends. they will want me to stay all night i cant. i need to be home by 7:30 to 8 or ill panik rlly 6so i can get everything ready pull out the bed so none sits on it. sleep messes my life up.

noone will read this no one will care.
i want a sound proof room to scream shout and cry in for noone to hear me.

[Njathind]

I read this, and I cared, so there. LOL ;) Only joking.

I can understand how you feel, you just wanna fix things and move on but you can't, I'm sorry your family arn't that nice to you and you sleeping problem. Things will get better, look for the good in life and try to stay positive. With the sleeping thing maybe you could try slowly pushing back the time you got to sleep by say a minute or two, it's not a lot but I understand it must be a big issue for you to overcome. Maybe just give it a go and see how you get on, maybe talk about it with your mum, I'm sure she will be willing to help you.

[northskater110]

Keep your head up. We all have been through struggles, and we all manage through it. It is only the weak that give in. And try to taking the hair out of your face, and let people stare at your beauty we all know you have.

[guacamole24]

People do care, I promise you. I understand all that you've said, and I'm sorry that you're going through it all. But you have to know that people do care and that life is worth living. That is the most important thing.
Your father passing must have been incredibly hard, and it must still be. But moving on doesn't mean forgetting and is very important.
As far as the sleeping situation goes, being scared can be a hard thing to deal with. Sleeping with your mom might be the best thing for you right now.

[RockstarRocks]

thanx for all ur guyses help. today im not rlly talkin much.but ill be fine. i just wish life wasent so boreing.

[bradsandman123]

hey man it sounds like you might have post traumatic stress disorder try to get some help I have had the same thing it sucks bro and all it takes is meds and therapy

[RockstarRocks]

yea i think i do have a stress disorder because i worry 24/7. if i get rid of one worry i bring another one on me to worry about because there is always something to worry about. my mom gets annoyed with how i worry. i yell alot over my stress and i get mad over the littlest things. and im not a man im a girl not being mean just saying XD.