I'm done with life

[DrkZ90]

I posted this on my blog. I didn't want to post it here because, well, nobody is gonna care anyway, and I don't want to look like a pathetic attention-seeker, but I'm simply losing control...

I seriously don't know why I am alive anymore... every time I think I might have just found someone, or a mere reason to wake up every day, something happens... it's always the same, I can't be happy, whatever makes me happy is immediately destroyed in some way, something always happens, something always gets in the way.

The only reason I'm not dead is I still don't have a gun, and strangling myself with stuff and asphyxiating myself didn't work... if I had a gun, I would've pointed it at my head and pulled the trigger already, simple as that... no more suffering, no more crying, no more living... why do guns have to be so damn expensive here? Whenever I try to strangle myself, it hurts to wake up the following day, it makes me feel worse... I need a much "safer" way, one that will kill me for sure.

I'm just a tool for people, that's the best people that know me in real life can treat me, as a tool... as soon as I'm not needed anymore, they can treat me as shitty as they want, and verbally abuse me as much as they want.

I'm tired of getting my hopes up at the slightest chance of happiness or joy, just to be beaten down by reality. I hate how it feels inside, I don't want to live any more.

I shouldn't have let my hopes go up... it was the first time since can't remember when that I was looking forward to something, but it ended like this... I shouldn't have, I should have known I'm not worth it, but for some reason I did, and I'm now even worse than I've ever been.

[Panther]

bro you're not an attention seeker, you're just strong enough to be able to hold it inside but trust me at some point u just have to let it out somewhere, im the same way, i dont want pity or any stupid sh*t like that, i just need someone to help me..

regarding your post i know how it feels and i've been through all this for a while now. the only i learned to stop feeling disappointed when things don't go as you expect is to never have any expectations in the first place... it works every time

honestly i wish i had a better answer from you but i'm going through the same crisis right now and i dont know.. if anyone else can help it would be nice

one more thing, make sure that you've exhausted all possible opportunities to give yourself happiness before you even contemplate suicide.. i don't think it's the best way out

[DrkZ90]

bro you're not an attention seeker, you're just strong enough to be able to hold it inside but trust me at some point u just have to let it out somewhere, im the same way, i dont want pity or any stupid sh*t like that, i just need someone to help me..

Exactly. I just think that, perhaps there's nobody that can actually help...

regarding your post i know how it feels and i've been through all this for a while now. the only i learned to stop feeling disappointed when things don't go as you expect is to never have any expectations in the first place... it works every time

That's exactly what I tried, but I Couldn't stop myself... I guess deep inside I really need something to look forward to to convince myself it's worth to just endure all this one more day...

one more thing, make sure that you've exhausted all possible opportunities to give yourself happiness before you even contemplate suicide.. i don't think it's the best way out

for a while now I've been completely sure there's nothing left I can try... been trying to make new friends, and this time, I thought I had succeeded, but looks like I didn't... I'm not worth it for anyone...

[Bmatlman]

it is worth it. you still have a possible 70- 80 years to come. you cant just decide that nothing will happen in the future.

[Panther]

Exactly. I just think that, perhaps there's nobody that can actually help...



That's exactly what I tried, but I Couldn't stop myself... I guess deep inside I really need something to look forward to to convince myself it's worth to just endure all this one more day...



for a while now I've been completely sure there's nothing left I can try... been trying to make new friends, and this time, I thought I had succeeded, but looks like I didn't... I'm not worth it for anyone...


Oh it is..just take a look at the people around you, the ones that always seem like they're happy lol.. we can achieve that same level of happiness too we just need help really. i'm thinking of going for some psychotherapy here in my school but i really don't like sharing my story with others so its gonna be hard..but at the same time i really really need it.

[DrkZ90]

I just don't know if it's worth it. Inside of me, I once again thought that things were starting to get better, but it looks like I was once again mistaken... I guess it simply isn't possible for me...

I'm currently just sitting here, holding back tears, waiting for everyone to go to sleep for me to go to my room where I can cry, and idk... idk what I'm gonna do... I've had this cable in my room for the last couple of weeks that I know it's more sturdy and resistant than the stuff I've used to try to strangle mysself so far, haven't tried it yet, I really want to try that once more, perhaps today I'll be lucky and won't wake up tomorrow.

[Jstr]

thats happens to me

but the only reason not to ... end myself is my favorite quote
" THE BEST THINGS COME TO LIFE FOR THOSE WHO ARE PATIENT"

[DrkZ90]

thats happens to me

but the only reason not to ... end myself is my favorite quote
" THE BEST THINGS COME TO LIFE FOR THOSE WHO ARE PATIENT"

How can you be so sure good things will happen, when things just keep getting worse, specially when it looks like the are finally getting better, but it all ends up being a lie?

I'll probably die alone in who knows how many years, might as well do so tonight...

[Panther]

How can you be so sure good things will happen, when things just keep getting worse, specially when it looks like the are finally getting better, but it all ends up being a lie?

I'll probably die alone in who knows how many years, might as well do so tonight...

man i know how you feel brah, it pains me to know there are lots of other people in the world that are feeling the same way. i hope we can find a way out soon

[Bmatlman]

dude dont do this. all of us have gone through that. you have to relise that everyone was put on this earth for a reason. none of us are here just to be miserable.trust me. dont just count your self out just yet. you never know what just might be right around the corner. for all you know your life might turn around tomorrow but you wll never know if your not alive to find out. it may not be tomarrow, it may not be next week, it may not even be next month, but you cant give up on yourself like that. you have to live through your life and see what awaits you. you might become famous or rich or something like that but you would nrver know if you died. please take this into consideration. i beg of you.

[Vkid]

don't give up!

[DrkZ90]

I tried yesterday, but I failed... I'm a bit better now, and as always other than a sore neck/throat, it isn't that noticeable, and nobody cares anyway, hopefully nobody will notice.

I'm a bit more calmed, perhaps just as sad and lonely, but thinking a bit more everything I do... I decide to finish all the college application stuff today, I really hope I can leave this place ASAP, I wanna study somewhere else, hopefully being able to be myself... it's the last chance I have at things getting better, and I know I should not let my hopes go up again...

[laurita_21]

nobody cares

Yes they do!! WE care, I'm sure your FRIENDS care, I'm sure your FAMILY cares.

Sometimes you feel like no matter how hard you try, the world just keeps finding a way to knock you down, and as you finally take a step forward you manage to move 3 paces back. Sometimes you feel that there's nothing for you in life any more, that everything you do never seems to get noticed; or that you keep trying to reach the finish line, but you always fall at the last hurdle.
When that happens, you feel like giving up. It's true. But when things get hard, that's when you can't give up and you have to keep going, and keep trying, no matter how hard it's going to be; because one day that hard work will pay off, and you will end up achieving your goals and your time will come.
Sometimes you see other people around you and you'll compare yourself to them, and you feel that you're not as good as them in some way. You say want to be an actor when you grow up, and you watch movies and think that you'll never get as good as them and you just won't make it.
But who's to say you're not as good as the next person? If you want something bad enough, you're going to work hard to get it- that's how people work. You will get people who are more talented than you at things; but you will have he advantage. You will have the drive and the passion to make sure you succeed, and that will stand out and eventually you will get what you want because you persevered and you worked your ass off to get it. Don't give up on life. Please.

[DrkZ90]

I'm sure your FRIENDS care, I'm sure your FAMILY cares.


It's specially them who I talk about. I know for a fact my so-called "friends" don't care. For all they know I could be dead, not that they care.

Same goes for my family, I'm just a waste of time and money.

[laurita_21]

How would you know that? Sometimes it seems like that but they care! They DO care deep inside, I don't think your parents would NOT care if you were dead, they would suffer.