Ambrosia
November 27th, 2010, 03:24 PM
I feel stupid when I post in this but I only do when I feel I need to.
I don’t cut on a regular basis, that’s just not my thing. I usually like my cuts to heal first before I do it again. It’s been a long time since I cut and just didn’t stop doing so. Like, I think the summer of 2009 was the last time I had an actually cutting session that ended in more then 10 cuts in more then one place. But yesterday, while I was waiting for a friend of mine to show up, I just couldn’t stop myself. I’ve never used a razor blade before because I have a large number of pocket knives but I somehow ended up with a set of them. I had one in my purse just in case I ever needed it(Razors always seemed way too cliché to me). I was feeling really depressed so I just kind of cut the top of my arm. Now let it be clear, I haven’t cut my shoulders or the tops of my arms for two or three years(I ended that when I got a job and moved onto more easily hidden spots). How it felt was really weird compared to what I’m used to so I did it again, only this time I did it on my shoulder. I did that about eight times, then my wrist a few times, and the tops of my arms a couple. I only did it because I couldn’t stop. It felt really weird to do it. Like, the difference was more addicting then I’m used to. My legs have over twenty cuts on each one from the day before as it is. Now I’m screwed because I can’t wear long sleeves and work in a restaurant where I have to openly reach my arms out in front of customers to grab stuff. I’m a complete idiot. Really stupid. Beyond stupid to a point of no return from the pit of stupidity.
I’m sorry for posting this. I really am. No one even has to reply. I just…really felt like telling someone.
I don’t cut on a regular basis, that’s just not my thing. I usually like my cuts to heal first before I do it again. It’s been a long time since I cut and just didn’t stop doing so. Like, I think the summer of 2009 was the last time I had an actually cutting session that ended in more then 10 cuts in more then one place. But yesterday, while I was waiting for a friend of mine to show up, I just couldn’t stop myself. I’ve never used a razor blade before because I have a large number of pocket knives but I somehow ended up with a set of them. I had one in my purse just in case I ever needed it(Razors always seemed way too cliché to me). I was feeling really depressed so I just kind of cut the top of my arm. Now let it be clear, I haven’t cut my shoulders or the tops of my arms for two or three years(I ended that when I got a job and moved onto more easily hidden spots). How it felt was really weird compared to what I’m used to so I did it again, only this time I did it on my shoulder. I did that about eight times, then my wrist a few times, and the tops of my arms a couple. I only did it because I couldn’t stop. It felt really weird to do it. Like, the difference was more addicting then I’m used to. My legs have over twenty cuts on each one from the day before as it is. Now I’m screwed because I can’t wear long sleeves and work in a restaurant where I have to openly reach my arms out in front of customers to grab stuff. I’m a complete idiot. Really stupid. Beyond stupid to a point of no return from the pit of stupidity.
I’m sorry for posting this. I really am. No one even has to reply. I just…really felt like telling someone.