I didn't even know..

[Alexithymia]

I've never cut myself... until recently. But that's besides the point. I'm talking about my past (which I try and think about more now, it's less depressing!) right now. I used to (and still do) scratch myself hard, until it's a flaming red (normally my thighs) and hit myself and grab my hair and pull it... hard.

I was just reading this because of the said recent cutting, and then I found a topic that was about different forms of self harm. I didn't even know it was classified as that.

I normally SH myself because I feel inadequate and just plain depressed. Sometimes because I want a distraction. Rarely to just feel something. I have enough feeling in my life :\

Should I stop? I know it's not as bad as cutting, I'm fighting to stop that now. But should I use it as a distraction? As a coping method?

[Fiction]

Definatley stop the cutting. It's do addicting and horrible. Try to stop the other things too. The best way to stop doing these things is to try and solve the problem that causes you to do it, although this is not always possible.
There are lots of distractions you can use to stop yourself self harming. Such as listening to music, writing, doing any hobby you like really.
Feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

[Alexithymia]

Yeah, the cutting isn't too appealing. Just stronger when I need/want it. I normally do the other things when I just feel overwhelmed, hopeless, extremely depressed, etc. I try yet it's so hard.

Thank you for your help. I didn't know that this was self harm, I thought everyone did it. Apparently I don't get the subtle hints of "Why is your arm all scratched?" and "Why do you have those bruises?"

Again, thanks.

Edit: I tried listening to some music that was.. good, I guess. Happy. Luckily I already have it in a special playlist. But it actually does help. Not sure why, but it does.

I'm just gonna go ahead and throw this in my thread already.

It's really odd. I didn't expect the need after just one cutting session. I want to so bad. Too much. Waay to much. Before I always wondered why people would want to cut themselves. I could understand scratching and that. But cutting?

Mm... I don't even know why I want to. I guess just to feel something. I'm kind of numb now. I've written it down and gotten it organized and now it seems so real. I cut. Too real. Too real.

All I'm really thinking in my mind is "I want to cut" and "I can't cut, what about the scars?" I didn't know that it would be this addicting. I know I'll be nauseated, but pain when I first get cut, the dizziness later. It's like a perfect concoction that was made to test our self control.

Oh, how I hate being depressed.

Please do not double post, use the edit button. Thanks- Fiction