Addciton(s), Depression, Cutting, And Some Questions(kind of long)

[Punk_Kid]

Ummm... so tonight I'm going to talk to my Mom about a surgery for my sweaty hands. I'm going to send her a text later and have her read about it on the computer. We are going to talk about it and I'm going to ask her if I can visit my GP. That's how I want it to go.

I KNOW that she will find out about my depression, cutting and drug use probably. My fear with the cutting is that when she finds out her first question will be, "Why?". And i'm not sure how to answer it, not because I don't know but because I think my reasoning would make her feel sick.

A while back she has suggested we move. She never said it but I knew it was cuz she didn't want to live with her parents, its me, my mom, my brother and my grandparents in the same house. After she kept on talking about it and insisting I reconsider it, cause I firmly said no, that was when I started cutting. I cut for a month but then I guess she knew talking wouldn't change my mind so she quit talking and I quit cutting. Then about 3 months later I was just angry all the time so I started cutting again but I haven't for 12 days so far.

I have another huge problem tho, sorry. I was cleaning my room today and had to move some stuff around which included my razors, which I haven't thrown away yet. The creepy part about it was that when I picked up my razors, I didn't feel the urge to cut myself. Instead, I wanted to kill myself, again. I've been having more serious urges in the past couple weeks, especially the past two days.

This also is related to my depression because when I visit my GP I plan on asking him about anti-depression pills. Naturally, my Mom will ask why I want them. I will have to tell her I'm depressed because I am. Then she will prbly ask how I deal with it. And if we get that far into the conversation I will prbly break down and cry like I've done several times in the past few days. And I know when that happens I'll prbly tell her about my 6 or 7 suicide attempts, ranging from mere thoughts to holding the knife and accidentally having the shotgun on fucking safety.

After that she will prbly think I'm insane, if she isn't crying by now or bitching her head off at me, either way I'll prbly get my phone taken away, restricted from the computer and get all my knives taken.

I just need advice on:

How to convince I think pills would be beneficial for me without going into the entire story?

How to tell her that I have smoked cigs/weed, drank alcohol, tried snorting pills, etc. behind her back if she finds out about it?

Convince her to let me get the surgery when the hospital is about a 7 hour drive away?

How to explain to her my cutting addiction without making her feel like shit? Because if I get the surgery then I know they'll find my few hundred scars>.>

And how to explain all the stupid shit I've been doing for the past 4 years now?

Thanks. And I apologize for it being so long

[Ambrosia]

No one has answered this so I kind of want to…

If you feel comfortable letting her know you’re depressed then that’s good. If she asks why you want the pills then just straight up tell her. You’re depressed. If she wants to know how you know your depressed (Parents seem to enjoy those types of silly questions) tell her it’s your body and you know what your feeling. You can’t stand the feelings you have and you really want to correct them and those pills seem like the only way.

Honestly, if you have stopped doing drugs and you don’t plan on doing it again, she doesn’t need to know. How could she find out unless you tell her? If it’s a consistent problem and something you do regularly but you want to stop then you need to just tell her. After all, your mother is an important factor in helping you kick any addiction.

You probably already did the surgery talk.

Your mother is bound to feel horrible when she finds out about your self-harm. That’s just the facts of life. You would feel horrible too if you found out someone very close to you was doing something so harmful and you never even realized it. You can’t avoid it. But you can tell her softly, not make it sound like your blaming her. Just explain that you do it and give her a short run around of why you do it. You don’t have to go into details.

[Love.Hate]

Im sorry to hear this, but to start of not cutting for 12 days is really good! :)
Keep up the good work, and my answers to your questions -

How to convince I think pills would be beneficial for me without going into the entire story? Maybe you can show her depression symptoms online and show her which ones you have got. Or maybe bring up the fact you have felt suicidal, She might understand you need the anti-depressents to lead a more "normal" life.


How to tell her that I have smoked cigs/weed, drank alcohol, tried snorting pills, etc. behind her back if she finds out about it? If she did find out about it just say that
all teens will probably try it at some point, and that its completely normal to want to experience it. But why would she find out anway, unless you told her?


Convince her to let me get the surgery when the hospital is about a 7 hour drive away? Tell her about your problem and im sure she will let you go. Give her all the facts and figures on the op and tell her how much it will change your life, for the better im sure she wont mind taking you.

How to explain to her my cutting addiction without making her feel like shit? This is the hardest one. You just have to be open with her. Believe me its a hard thing to do. And the "why" question is the hardest especially when you dont know whats going on inside your own mind. But tell her that. Then you might be able to get help for it :)

And how to explain all the stupid shit I've been doing for the past 4 years now? well first off, does she need to know about it? I mean yes its good to be open but you cant pile everything on her all at once. And yes all mothers feel bad when they find out stuff they dont want to know about there kids, and they will blame themselves. Just reasure her that it wasnt her fault.

Good luck, Always here if you need to talk xx

[Punk_Kid]

Thanks. Both of you really helped me think about how I'm going to talk to her about it:D

I texted her yesterday but she's always busy with work but I'm gonna try having her read the website and stuff this afternoon if she ain't too busy.

Thanks again:D

[Love.Hate]

Good luck, And your very welcome :)