Is it wrong that I don't want to stop...?

[Ambrosia]

I don’t cut as often as I used to, no more of that every day twice a day stuff. But I do it more times in one sitting then I ever did. Little things seem to bother me more and more then they ever did. I get very anxious to the point of having panic attacks, small things upset me more then they should and I find myself worrying over things that aren’t even my fault or that big of deals. The feelings inside that would normally be nothing to other people feel like they are twenty times worse to me. It just kind of swells in my chest like a pocket of hot air. And then the only way to get rid of them is by cutting. I have tried to stop and I have tried doing the alternate ways but nothing works. I always go back. I always regret having cut myself that first time a few years ago but that urge to quit has just deserted me. Its scary to know that I don’t want to stop. It’s worse when I realize no one is ever going to make me. My wrists are scarred noticeably but none of my family has ever noticed them when so many other people have. My legs (which I cut the most) are covered in hundreds of scars that I know will never go away (scars on top of scars). I cut deeper and deeper every time I do it and I intentionally try and bleed more and more. I hate it. I hate myself. And I hate how everyone says that the only thing wrong with me is hormones. Is that what makes me cut? I can never tell my family. I can never talk about it with any of my friends. No one ever even wants to listen to me. They interrupt me to talk about themselves or simply tell me I’ll get over whatever the problem is because it’s “not a big deal”. I love cutting because it’s the only thing that listens and the only thing that promises to deflate every problem that threatens me.

I’m sorry about posting this. I just really wanted to tell someone about this. It’s stupid that I even wrote this…and even worse that I’m going to post it. But I really just felt like I needed to.

[hotandgay]

its perfectly fine that you dont want to stop but for your own good deep down you kno you should...because if you dont eventually you will die and hurt everyone around you :(
i will listen i will be your new scar trust me and i will be there hun

[misguided ghost]

Believe me theres nothing wrong with how you're feeling. The only thing is though cutting ends up hurting you more than the little things that bother you. I've learned this from experience. I know you said your family doesn't see the scars but what if they do one day? Second if your friends say its no big deal then maybe they're not really good friends to have.

[Mike321]

There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling, I feel like this sometimes.
As the others have said, although cutting does mkae you feel better and 'safe', its only hurting you more and more.
Its an addiction and really hard to break, and how would your family feel if they saw your scars and found out about your cutting.
Your friends dont seem very supportive, or maybe its becuase they dont know how to deal with what your going through.
All of us on here are more than happy to help you.
Hope this helps, and feel free to drop me a message if you want to talk

[erible]

I feel the same way... I don't want to stop even though it's bad... The only reason i would want to stop is because my parents though I'd stopped... And if they found out I still cut, it would be horrible...

[Ambrosia]

I once went for a good amount of time not cutting (like, a month...) and had scars on my wrists I didn't think people noticed. One time, out of no where, in front of all these people, my friend asked why I had white marks all up and down my arms. People got quiet. She was smiling. I wasn't. I ended up in a restroom stall for an hour.

Needless to say that was the end of that Cut-Free spree. And the answer to whether or not they are supportive.