Need to Vent

[Nevermore]

So I came home from my friend's house Friday, and my mom sensed there was something wrong. When there wasn't anything wrong, I was just really tired. so she was convinced I was drinking. So she smelled my breath, obviously I wasn't drinking. It's against my religion and morals to drink, so i wouldn't have been drinking. ^_^ Anyway, she asked me if I've cut. I said no. She tells me to pull my sleeves up and show her my arms. I was internally screaming because I have scars everywhere that she hasn't seen. So I pull up my right sleeve, nothing there, hoping she'd believe me when I said I hadn't cut and then let it be. But no, of course not. I pulled up my right sleeve. She began examening my scars, even touching them. I've never been so embarrassed. I broke down completely. She then told me to pull up my shirt and partially my bra. Luckily she didn't see my heart scar on my left chest. She saw a few scars on my stomach area though. After that she got my father in. He looked at my scars and determined how long ago they were. He touched my arms, and said they were scabby. I tried to convince them they were not recent, I scratch them a lot, so they are bound to be scabby, but I don't think I did a great job convincing. If that wasn't embarrassing enough they made me pull up my pants and take off my socks and found many scars there. They weren't happy. Because they were red they assumed they were recent. However those scars were from months ago. Not only that, they found my razors in my purse. Obviously I don't have them anymore, they didn't give them back. They also found some bloody tissues inside the white box with the razors. :( They are going to make sure I'm on different meds, because they don't think they are working, and they are making me tell my psychologist. I'm worried about this because I don't want to be placed into an institution. I'm afraid as punishment she'll put me there for lying to her, telling her I haven't cut. I had to lie to her, she was planning on taking me away from school and family to an institution that was like a boarding school. I don't need that. I know I didn't need it at the time. She barely even knew me when she told me that. It was only because I was forgetful and wasn't taking my meds regularly. I'm a nervous anxious mess right now. Anyone been in my position that can give some advice or reassurance that everything is going to be ok?

[Syvelocin]

If you really don't want to be hospitalized, you do need to fight it. From my experience, you have to be willingly there, though you can be forced there if an ambulence is called on you -_- From what I've seen, they need your signature and your permission, though I'm not sure what their criteria is for when they'll judge based on your permission or your parents' wish.

A basic week program actually isn't that bad. But if they're planning to send you to a long-term facility and you don't want to go, tell them that. Not quite like that though. Tell them you really don't think it'll be the best thing for you at this point, and that being home would be better for you. As of course, you know yourself best. Long-term hospitalization can be a very traumatic first experience, even a first short-term inpatient can be traumatic, let alone long-term where it's usually even more strict and you'll be there for at least a month depending on the place.

I've been there though. It was never my parents against me, but I've had a psychiatrist who was just insane. My last visit to the psych ward had been her doing, she called an ambulence on me. A bit before that she had wanted me to go into long-term and I refused. Other than that last time, each time I've been admitted to a hospital, it was completely my choice, which I feel would be more useful. I've seen a lot of kids come in and out of hospitals, and the ones that don't want to be there are usually just wasting their time. To get something from hospitalization, you have to want to be there and take in every word the counselors tell you. Otherwise, it'll be a huge waste of time and money. You'll be back again otherwise, which will just double the money your insurance company/your family has to spend and hospitalization is really expensive. You'll automatically get behind in school work during that time. You'll do it in the facility, but you can't do it all I've found, since you can't have a computer, and I've even been denied a book I needed for a paper.

I would use a few of those points to argue your case to your parents, really. I personally think you should not be hospitalized unless you want to be, or if your life is in immediate danger. Good luck hun.

[Nevermore]

Thank you, Rith. If she presses I will definitely say know and list some of the reasons you have listed. I hope my parents will also be against. If not, I guess I'm screwed. Hospitalization isn't for me, and well I will get severely paranoid and anxious that I won't be able to get out once I'm in. I am not suicidal either, and haven't harmed myself in at least two weeks. So I'm really hoping she doesn't press me to be hospitalized. Thank you so much for you help and sharing your story. This really, really helps me. I am like super paranoid and anxious now, and your words have helped me calm down a bit.

[Syvelocin]

Aww, I'm glad I could help hun :)

If you do end up having to go, don't worry about not getting out. As a teen, they are not allowed to hold you forever. That only becomes an issue when you're in adult wards. If they do keep you longer than you expect however, parents can request to get you out. It's a sticky situation and difficult, but I've had that happen before and my parents were able to get me out three days earlier than they wanted to keep me.

All in all, it'll turn out fine. Good luck :)

[misguided ghost]

Don't worry I had to go into treatment cause I kept cutting. Treatment helps A LOT. I know it can seem scary but in the end it helps. Don't worry if you end up having to go I'm gonna be here for you. Just talk to your parents about how you don't think you need it and tell them what others ways they can help you. I'm positive that will help.

[hotandgay]

you prolly wont like it but substitute something else for the cutting replace that addiction with another...like smoking (thats a bad one) or chewing gum have a rubber band and snap it when you feel the urge to cut...try to choose a good one one that wont get you in trouble i really like the rubber band one...it gives you pain with out the scars...but it will get red...so switch on and off on hands and ankles...if it gets to red switch it up fast and lt sit in some cold water

[Nevermore]

Thank you guys so, so very much. You all seriously don't know how much you've helped me. :)
You're right I do need to replace it. I will try that. -Talon

[hotandgay]

N/P if you ever need help or advice more tips or just someone to talk to msg me
Please do not talk about offsite contacts in posts- Fiction

[misguided ghost]

If you ever need help, I'm here for you

[erible]

Well I'm the same age as you are (or as your id thing says)
anywho. I understand what that's like....and if you need to be hospitalized than let it be, unless you absolutely do not need it, I actually wish I could go for my cutting but my parent's thought I've stopped and haven't talked about it since last April....but if you honestly haven't cut recently then tell your parents, and if they don't listen, just argue back UNTIL they listen, I know it doesn't sound like good advice but if you are relentless with them, they will eventually listen. But if you relapse on cutting and can't stop then maybe hospitalization will be a good option? But I don't know you so I can't make assumptions. I wish you the best and hope it all works out, just stay strong though because this fear won't last forever :)
if you want to talk about self harm, or want to vent, I'll listen, feel free to PM me, I'll understand because I deal with it to
good luck~

[Syvelocin]

^ Hospitalization is definitely not for everyone. I've personally been so much better off just seeing a therapist and working on my problems myself, which is why I usually only advise it if you're in danger (suicidal, and some bad cases of anorexia) because I've found that many, not all, but many hospitals have counselors who are either unhelpful or mean. Again, not all, but in all the hospitals I've been to, I've met one helpful adult. Hospitalization works for some people, but if you really don't want to go you will find no help there. I've just found hospitals have made me MORE depressed just cause I have to sit in that cheery little hospital room for more than half the day doing nothing (because if you think group therapy is a constant thing, that's incorrect. You spend most of your time sleeping or sitting around, about five hours of therapy (and about ten minutes of it is focused on only you, where you can get an hour a week or more of one-on-one time with a therapist), three hours of eating, nine hours of sleeping, and the rest you're idle or playing Hearts or watching some movie about people who have survived suicide attempts. How you can benefit from hospitalization is doing every-single thing the counselors tell you to do, and only then can it possibly be helpful. If you don't want to be there, which is usually the case, then it's really hard to take something from it. Overall, I say it's an experience you should avoid if you can. Especially for self-harmers, just because as a self-harmer who has been hospitalized, I've been pushed to some extreme measures to get that release I would get usually from a clean razorblade. I've known people who have used a variety of things, a paperclip, staple, screw, pencil (which, since the pencils have no erasors and are never sharp, wouldn't be too fun...) and if/when you do hurt yourself in the hospital, they extend your stay for quite some time, put you on one-on-one versus group, and think about sending you to a more heavy-duty place.

Sorry if I scared anyone off... I just feel pretty strongly about it. I would definitely go back and choose to never have gone to a hospital personally. Any amount of therapy, drugs, etc. is preferable.

[Nevermore]

Thank you guys. :) Hospitilation can be good or bad. I've heard horrible things for the most part. Which is why I'm scared, but there are also good things about hospitals. They can be helpful. Rith is right though, hospitaliation isn't for everyone. I don't think I need it. Rather I don't care if I need it, I refuse to go to one. Only because my best friend recently went to the one I'd be sent to, and she was there longer then she said. She fell behind in work. It was boring, and it didn't help her. So, I just don't see any reason for myself to actually go to one. I think this site is more helpful because people here actually know what other's are going through and can help. Doctors don't always know. They read books, but they don't have the empathy for kids like us because they've never actually gone through with it themselves, so they are not understanding.