Possibly Bi-Polar or some variation?

[schrei jess]

Uhm, not sure but, I think I might be a type of Bi-Polar, I think it;s called cyclothymia? Or maybe it was like Bipolar II. Uhh, well my mom has been doing research and she found some stuff that says that extremely hard to treat depression, which Ive got, and extreme irritabilty, Ive got that, could be a bi-polar disorder.

And you dont have to get the high end of the spectrum to be bi-polar, right? Your manic episodes could be irritabilty and rage instead of euphoria and happiness? I read that somewhere.

Overall, Im just confused. Does anyone know what Im talking about? Frankly, I cant concentrate and think enough right now to figure out what my symptoms are. Here's what Ive been feeling lately, could someone help steer me in the right direction?

-Im extremely depressed. My depression is at the worst it's been. I have no hope to get better, and Ive become suicial (although Ive cooled it on that, Ive thought about it really hard and realized that killing myself would be a REALLY dumb thing to do).
-I am extremely irritable and angry. I yell at people at school. Any kind of noise REALLY REALLY makes me upset when Im trying to do work at school, and if someone is being talkative or whatever Ill just flat out yell at them to "shut the fuck up". Seriously, it's getting bad. And I get mad at people for being really happy, everything seems to annoy me. Like seriously, Im annoyed when Im around everyone but myself. It's really bad.
-I havent been able to concentrate lately, and I think this might be because I did some OTC medication on friday, and I had a hangover for like three days afterwards. I definetly know it fucked with me, it screwed up my concentration really bad, and it seriously changed me. But even before that, my attention span wasnt doing so great.

Can anybody help me?

[Bobby]

I thought bi-polar was rapid mood swings.. you said you don't get happy parts though...I honestly can't help.

[schrei jess]

Same here, I didnt know there were other types of Bi-Polar but I looked it up and there are subtypes and stuff. And after reading some stuff I read somewhere it said that manic episodes arent just euphoria, it can be irritability which I know I get a lot. But I just dont know, so I was wondering if anyone with bi-polar or the other types could help me out.

[~Cookie~]

Im never "Happy" when I have my manic episodes.I get angry,depressed,and suicidle.

[schrei jess]

That's the depressive episodes. The manic episodes are supposedly euphoric and you are elated and over excited.

My old therapist insists that I do not have bipolar or any form of it, but I still think she's wrong but my opinion doesnt really matter I guess.

[schrei jess]

Well I got a new therapist today, so maybe he will understand better - I think I will really be able to talk to him. The one I just had, I never really could talk to her - She was either giving me a bunch of bullshit or she was telling me I was "dark & twisty", I dunno...never connected with her. But anyway, this new guy I think it will work so maybe I should bring up my suspisions with him, maybe he will see my point of view. All my old therapist was saying was that I had so much of the depressive episodes but I never had a manic episode but what I kept trying to say was that I researched it and that manic episodes could be irritability etc.

Plus I think she thought I was crazy for tripping on benadryl, which I dont need her thinking Im stupid too. But now I only have to see her for medications, so that's good.

[Sapphire]

It is completely true that manic episodes are not always full of hyperness etc. print some stuff off the the net and show your therapist. then you can talk about it with him/her

[schrei jess]

Actually I did that, I compiled information from several websites on things like Cyclothmania (I think that's it), Bi-polar II and other things, also information about how adolescents manic episodes arent always that noticeable and how they arent always euphoric etc.

She isnt my therapist anymore, she just prescribes me medication, but the last time I saw her I told her that I still feel like Im misdiagnosed. She told me that on a mood spectrum, Im always way down low in the low moods, while I never get up to the manic side of it.

Whatever, it's not like I can really change her mind, still, I feel like she isnt even considering it.

[Sapphire]

Maybe your new one will be more willing to listen to you