Disgusting.

[CatchingOrigami]

I just ate. I feel so disgusting.
I hate having food inside of me. I feel like it's rotting me from the inside out. It makes everything heavy and slow.
I want to rip my stomach out. I hate it.
I want to feel empty again. I crave that hollow feeling. The nagging pain that comes with the consistent hunger.
It's so distracting.
I dont want to have to think about this.

[Bmatlman]

well you need to eat. Like i said in message i had friend who was just like that but we made her eat since we cared about her. she will now eat some food on her own.

[CatchingOrigami]

Eating in public D: urhj

[Bmatlman]

i need you to relize that eating is not bad. sure you may not like it but trust me in the end it is worth it. you will fell better if you eat regulary. you dont have to eat much. just eat what ever makes you feel not as horrible. just eat some thing.

[CatchingOrigami]

I dont want to eat. I hate being with people eating. It makes me want to stab them.

I just know that I should.

[Bmatlman]

why would you want to stab them. its not their falt that they are hungry so they eat. when most people dont eat for even just 30 hours some will actualy pass out

[CatchingOrigami]

I didnt know that. I've passed out from dehydration and malnutrition, but I last longer. I geuss I'm used to it.

[Bmatlman]

hmm. yeah my sister blacked out for a few seconds during the 30 hour famine thing

[CatchingOrigami]

Why did she fast?

[Bmatlman]

well it is a thing that a lot of christian churches do. there a group of churches that me church does stuff with. that was one of them. aperintly when you fast your supposed to be able to focus on god better or something like that. it seems fun cause they get to play a bunch of games in a big building.

[CatchingOrigami]

I can understand that. I used to hallucinate from a combination of sleep deprivation and malnutrition, it was rarely fun, but occasionally.

[Bmatlman]

never mind im also a horrible reader

[CatchingOrigami]

To see or hear things that arent really there.

[Bmatlman]

yeah. i figured that out i thought it was something completely different. i should listen to my sister and i should read more carefully

[CatchingOrigami]

what do you mean?

[Fiction]

I know it's hard to eat, but we shouldn't feel guilty for doing what keeps us alive. I really don't know what to suggest about how to get better, other than to get proffesional help. It is the only way you will be free of it in the end.
Feel free to contact me if you want to talk.

[Bmatlman]

well i some times when i read i dont really try to actualy read what i says i just kinda skim over it a milloin time till i actualy look a the word.

[Triceratops]

You need help. Now.

Simple as.

[Fiction]

You need help. Now.

Simple as.

What she said. You should really consider getting help.

[CatchingOrigami]

I can't exactly afford help, and the therapists on the NHS just make everything worse. I dont want my parents to know, I dont want to worry them again, so I cant exactly ask them for money to go and see a therapist >.<

[Nevermore]

You really need to seek help. As far as hallucinations go. http://http://www.healthcentral.com/anxiety/c/88918/51290/ground This will help with tips of grounding. Tell yourself they are not real.
You really need to eat. Look around you next time you go to eat. Everyone is eating, it's normal. Tell yourself it's ok to eat. Eating is good. It gives you energy so your not sluggish. The energy can be burned through means of exercising. Plus if you don't eat it will be turned into fat because your body thinks it is starving itself. So eating is a good thing. If you can't afford help, talk to a school guidance counsler, they are always willing to help. I hope this helps some. VM me if you need me.

[georgiamay]

You'd be surprised, the NHS isn't as bad as people seem to think. It's actually pretty good. You need to see someone, and you can get the same treatment on the NHS as you can privately.

[CatchingOrigami]

Not around here you cant, the local councillers are shit. They dont give a fuck about you.

@sammy, it's not really about being thin. I couldnt really care less about my appearance, I've already confronted that.
I just hate eating. I hate the feeling. I have tried many times and frequently to persuade myself that its fine, normal, not disgusting but I can't help but be repulsed. I absolutely hate it. Everything about it.

[georgiamay]

Not around here you cant, the local councillers are shit. They dont give a fuck about you.

Well don't go to a counillor, go to a gp. They know what they're doing, and they can refer you to a professional that they think can help you. You'd be surprised just how easy it is to get help, so get out there and get it. And maybe you shouldn't go too local, maybe the next town along from you or something. There's always a way to get help. Always.

[CatchingOrigami]

I don't have a GP, I've never been to the doctors. I went to a doctor a while ago, maybe a year when I had to drop out of school, and they simply referred me to the NHS councelers.

[georgiamay]

then go again and say you need something else. GP's know what they're doing, and if you say the concellor didn't help, they'll try something else.

[CatchingOrigami]

what else will they do? put me on placebo/real meds for depression and antipsychotics? sleeping pills? many of my friends are pilled up. I dont like what it does to them. Mentally and physically. I dont want to become reliant/dependant on medication, which tends to simply make the matter worse.

[georgiamay]

then tell them that. It's possible to be treated without medication, but if they think that it's necessary, then it's necessary.

[CatchingOrigami]

Thanks for the advice. I'll tell you if I manage to make myself go.