This is incredibly difficult for me.

[CatchingOrigami]

I keep having to delete and rewrite this.

fuck it. i've spent half an hour trying to write something, but i keep deleting it and it makes me feel worthless. i dont even know what im doing. im just shit.

I have far too much to say, but no one to say it to.

[Tristin.]

just write it, somebody is always ready to listen :)
X

[georgiamay]

If you want to be listened to, you came to the right place. Everyone here wants to listen, that's why we're here :)

you're not shit. No one is. Even the people that we perceive to be "horrible" still have a lot of good qualities, we just overlook them.

Everyone has flaws, but you have to look past them.

Post what you wanted to say, and people will listen :hug3:

[Fiction]

As Tristin said, there are so many people on this site who are ready to listen and try to help you, regardless of the problem :) So just write anything and we'll go from there :)

[CatchingOrigami]

But I cant say it right.
If I dont say it right. How can you put something like. i cant even say it, into words? i cant do it. I came here, because i need help. Im not ready to give up on myself and go back to therapy. I dont want to be a complete and utter failure, or dissapointment.

[Tristin.]

start with whats troubeling you :)

from there its easier :)
X

[georgiamay]

going back to therapy is in no way giving up on yourself. In fact, it's the opposite.

[Fiction]

As georgia said, going to therapy is taking action to make yourself better, giving your self a second chance, rather than letting self harm take over your life even more than it already has.

[CatchingOrigami]

but I'd already stopped. people think I've stopped. I thought I stopped. It wont leave me alone though. The only solution I've had for the past six years. How do you relearn something like that?
I want to be able to make myself better. I don't want to let it win me over again. I want to be able to do it without a Therapist. Therapists.. ergh. They make me feel worthless. Like theres something wrong with me.

[Tristin.]

you have to accept your problems before you can face them, and to me it seems like your still running from them, not ready to fight them
X

[CatchingOrigami]

well I dont know. I dont know anything. Gosh I'm pathetic, sorry.

[Tristin.]

dont be sorry, find out what is wrong with you, an event, a person etc then work from there

[CatchingOrigami]

I vaguely know the various medical problems with my brain, and I thoroughly dislike it.

Chronic insomnia
Mild Synesthesia
Cyclothymia
Various OCD's

I dont know what else, most likely there will be.

[Bmatlman]

that seems pretty horrible. i have a friend that you remind me of. they though the same things that it seems that you do. im not sure about th conditions, but they are much better now because we (me and friends) were able to calm them down and get them to ttalk to us.

[CatchingOrigami]

I dont really have many friends. I have a few close friends, and two are like sisters to me. I can't bring myself to tell them.

I'm not as bad as I was, I recognize this. I no longer have fits, I dont get psychotically violent, which I hated; I assaulted my best friend >.<

[Bmatlman]

that sounds like it was heck going through that.

[CatchingOrigami]

Oh thats not the half of it. I could fill pages with all the shit thats gone on.

[Bmatlman]

i could not imagine what that must fell like. i used to be a little like that.

one thing that can help is music.

Please do not double post. Use the edit button instead - Syvelocin

[CatchingOrigami]

Music doesnt change what I do. I used to listen to everything deathmetal and screamo and so on, and now I listen to everything, particularly folk and acapella, but it doesnt help me when I get like. that.
I play music, and it feels nice.

[Bmatlman]

I always listen to music when i am feeling sad or mad. i mostly choose songs that fit my mood. i love to find music that i can relate to.

you look and seem like a nice person. I Hate it how it always seems like the people that dont seem like they would do anything wrong that are punished withaome sort of problum. I have met so many people that seem like the could be great people yet they are the ones with some sort of problum will all the mean horrible people dont have any thing wroung with them and it really pissis me of how they just show off how perfect they are. i have this one friend who seems like one of the nices irls in the world yet she has a bunch of problumes that keep on getting her in trouble. I hope she will get better along with you and all the other people here. i cant stand to see how horrible life is for some people here. it makes me want to cry it is so horrible. Some people here are awmaseing with the stories they have. I have cried because of how hard it seems to be for these people. even worse is that people at my school make fun of people like this which is even worse. i mean really if i watch a music video were the singer has long black hair every one just says its emo and that im emo even though im not. its just so horrible.

Use the edit button to add to post instead of double-posting - Syvelocin

[CatchingOrigami]

Thankyou:]

[Bmatlman]

you welcome. (thought of something funy to say but choose not to)

[CatchingOrigami]

huh?

[Bmatlman]

well i thought i would say " oh sure I write all of THAT and you just say thankyou:] no one ever respects all the effort i put in to some things." I know not that funny. seemed much funnier in my head. lol

[CatchingOrigami]

Well I didnt really know how else to respond, sorry :s

[Bmatlman]

its ok. thats why i didnt want to post it. I just........ never mind

[CatchingOrigami]

sorry

[Bmatlman]

no dont say sorry you didnt do any thing wrong

[RAWWR]

^^ *awkward silence.........*
listen hun, everyone here has problems, and are struggling, but thats what makes us so great, we are all here and ready to listen to and support you, there are lots of people on here, and between us i'm sure we have been through every situation you can think of, and have learned a lot from those experiences, so feel free to ask questions, tell us stuff, and just settle in to the forums and let us help you.

[Philleeep]

if you want to talk too some one i am very happy too help. If you dont want to post it on here you can either pm me or you can talk too me via msn either i would like to help.

[misguided ghost]

Don't worry I'm dealing with the same thing. I just got back from a treatment center two months ago and everyone except my boyfriend thinks i've quit cutting. There are those days where I feel like I have to give in to temptation. Cutting is a form of punishment for me so when I get the urges that makes me wanna punish myself more. Me and you just have to realize that no matter what we can't give up. I understand where you're coming from when you say you don't wanna go to therapy but I go every two weeks. Going to therapy for me is not a sign to my family that I'm still cutting. It's a sign that I'm not going to let cutting control my life.

[CatchingOrigami]

Thankyou for your words of inspiration :]
I hope you pull through too.

[misguided ghost]

Thank you :). I'm here if you ever wanna talk

[CatchingOrigami]

I'll keep that in mind :]