Keats
November 17th, 2010, 04:53 PM
i don't know where to start, so i'll start from the begining:
as a young child i was overweight, and as a result i was bullied at my old school. This resulted in my low self-esteem that has plagued me ever since.
Fast forward on until i'm 11, the age where your just starting to get into girls. theres me with my low self esteem, alone, and everyone else with they're respective girls or girlfriends. Now one girl, whom i liked, decides it would be funny to tell me that she liked me, when she clearly didn't. needless to say i was chuffed, until 10 seconds later when she laughed in my face. The next year i got a girlfriend, who i liked a lot. But i was 12ish and it was never going to last. i hated the school i was at and i could'nt wait to leave. So i left and went to my new school, i thought i could start again, rebuilt some confidence, needless to say i was wrong. I was bullied for the first year, until i stood up for myself and kind of knocked the bully out. This rebuilt my confidence a little bit. So a bit later i get a girlfriend, and it doesn't go well. I was too self-conscious and unconfident for her, and i'm the first to admit that i deserved it. Then fast forward another year or so, to last christmas. Feeling a little better. A couple months previous my dad had had a stroke, thats when the cutting started. My sister brings a friend on holiday (they're 18) and aparantly she 'liked' me, and we hung out quite a bit, and she made several hints but i didn't recognise them at the time. Then when i come back, she has a sister, and we get talking. i find myself telling her everything, and we start to have a thing. I can tell her everything, and she makes me feel perfect. It goes on for 2 months ish. cutting stops, i feel ontop of the world. Too good to be true right. She dumps me, over facebook chat, while at a party. haven't heard from her or seen anything of her since, until tonight when she signs in on msn. i deleted her and tried to forget about it, not going to work. I'd occasionally gone onto her facebook and tortured myself and deleted a couple pictures of my laptop.
So needless to say i have an armful of scars and i'm going to south africa at christmas again, and they;re not going. so i don't know what to do.
it feels good to get it out, but i dunno what it's going to do
as a young child i was overweight, and as a result i was bullied at my old school. This resulted in my low self-esteem that has plagued me ever since.
Fast forward on until i'm 11, the age where your just starting to get into girls. theres me with my low self esteem, alone, and everyone else with they're respective girls or girlfriends. Now one girl, whom i liked, decides it would be funny to tell me that she liked me, when she clearly didn't. needless to say i was chuffed, until 10 seconds later when she laughed in my face. The next year i got a girlfriend, who i liked a lot. But i was 12ish and it was never going to last. i hated the school i was at and i could'nt wait to leave. So i left and went to my new school, i thought i could start again, rebuilt some confidence, needless to say i was wrong. I was bullied for the first year, until i stood up for myself and kind of knocked the bully out. This rebuilt my confidence a little bit. So a bit later i get a girlfriend, and it doesn't go well. I was too self-conscious and unconfident for her, and i'm the first to admit that i deserved it. Then fast forward another year or so, to last christmas. Feeling a little better. A couple months previous my dad had had a stroke, thats when the cutting started. My sister brings a friend on holiday (they're 18) and aparantly she 'liked' me, and we hung out quite a bit, and she made several hints but i didn't recognise them at the time. Then when i come back, she has a sister, and we get talking. i find myself telling her everything, and we start to have a thing. I can tell her everything, and she makes me feel perfect. It goes on for 2 months ish. cutting stops, i feel ontop of the world. Too good to be true right. She dumps me, over facebook chat, while at a party. haven't heard from her or seen anything of her since, until tonight when she signs in on msn. i deleted her and tried to forget about it, not going to work. I'd occasionally gone onto her facebook and tortured myself and deleted a couple pictures of my laptop.
So needless to say i have an armful of scars and i'm going to south africa at christmas again, and they;re not going. so i don't know what to do.
it feels good to get it out, but i dunno what it's going to do