Having a family

[Syvelocin]

I didn't know where to put this, since it could relate to every area really.

I'm just curious as to whether anyone going through this sort of stuff, mental disorders, self-harm, EDs, etc., is planning to have kids.

If I could, I wouldn't. Not because I really don't like kids. But my mother told me a story about how she never wanted kids, because she didn't want to "pass on the mental health genes," you know? And she decided to have me anyway (I was an accident baby by the way). And here I am. Worse off than just her bipolar disorder and bulimia.

That's why, like I said, I wouldn't if I could (well, I can technically even though it wouldn't be the most healthy thing to do, but I have worse genes to pass on than bipolar disorder). There's a crazy increased chance that the kid will get bipolar disorder also. I don't know everything that is genetic, I do know bipolar disorder and schizophrenia can be genetic and that a parent with clinical depression is more likely to have a kid who gets depression than a parent who doesn't have depression/a family history of depression.

But then, others who are dealing with the non-genetic stuff, do you still want kids even though you'll have to explain all this to them eventually? I'm sure people want them enough to be able to go through that. I think it would break my heart the day my kids asked about my scars though.

[1_21Guns]

I'm never sure, my heart kinda does, but then my head says no.
I'm always scared i'll be like my father with them, verbally and emotionally abusive, and having been through that myself, I'd never want to inflict that upon anyone.
Although all my visable scars have faded mostly, there will undoubtably be more by the time I get to an age children even cross my mind, but if they were still visable by then, I too would die inside having to explain that to my children.
Genetically, I'm supposed to have twins, so in all honesty I don't know if I could handle the stress, and wouldn't want to be left feeling like turning back to SH after having children.
I think having a parent who has been depressed is both a blessing and a curse, you can learn valuble lessons, but you can also bring them down with you.
I guess I'm not too sure, and at nearly 16 it's hard to really know what you want in the future as far as families are concerned.
I too was an accident, and certainly would try to avoid bringing any child into my life until I was ready, I've picked up on the mental effects it's had on my mother having a child before she was properly ready (not that she was really young, she was 22, but I don't think she was quite ready as they did what the could to avoid it) and it's not pretty, she's always been more of a big sister than my mother, which has it's difficulties.
Anyway, before I go off again :P
I'd like to have children someday, but I'd be very careful about when and how I was feeling.

[Fact]

I didn't know where to put this, since it could relate to every area really.

I'm just curious as to whether anyone going through this sort of stuff, mental disorders, self-harm, EDs, etc., is planning to have kids.

If I could, I wouldn't. Not because I really don't like kids. But my mother told me a story about how she never wanted kids, because she didn't want to "pass on the mental health genes," you know? And she decided to have me anyway (I was an accident baby by the way). And here I am. Worse off than just her bipolar disorder and bulimia.

That's why, like I said, I wouldn't if I could (well, I can technically even though it wouldn't be the most healthy thing to do, but I have worse genes to pass on than bipolar disorder). There's a crazy increased chance that the kid will get bipolar disorder also. I don't know everything that is genetic, I do know bipolar disorder and schizophrenia can be genetic and that a parent with clinical depression is more likely to have a kid who gets depression than a parent who doesn't have depression/a family history of depression.

But then, others who are dealing with the non-genetic stuff, do you still want kids even though you'll have to explain all this to them eventually? I'm sure people want them enough to be able to go through that. I think it would break my heart the day my kids asked about my scars though.

The people with more shit to deal with are generally the more intelligent group of people. I say generally, there are exceptions to every generalisation.
If you're prepared to help your child through it and not have a baby through selfishness, I don't see why you shouldn't/couldn't.

[UnknownError]

I want to have kids. But I'll never let them know that I cut/used to cut. (I hopefully still won't by the time I have kids)
I've always thought I'd be a crap dad.
I get angry easily.
I can get violent.
I get upset over the smallest thing.
So yeah, I don't want a kid until I know I'm definitely ready. But you never know what might happen. :/

[Fact]

I want to have kids. But I'll never let them know that I cut/used to cut. (I hopefully still won't by the time I have kids)
I've always thought I'd be a crap dad.
I get angry easily.
I can get violent.
I get upset over the smallest thing.
So yeah, I don't want a kid until I know I'm definitely ready. But you never know what might happen. :/

You will definitely grow our of your violence and anger - I have.
There comes a point where you can't cope with yourself anymore. It's hard to change, but you will, naturally.
Also, when you have a child, you will love them with all your heart and soul, because you're not an evil person, just an emotionally distressed one - You're not likely to be unnecessarily cruel or abusive to your children.

[closed]

Maybe it soudns a little bad, but i do want to have children. Long time i thought i don't want. Especailly because of this awfull world. But i think i'll be a really good dad. I can love so much, and i really do think i can do it. I want it.
Yeah that soudns strange since i'm 14.... NVM

[Syvelocin]

I don't think it sounds bad. I'm just a bit different in my own personal opinion on it, but there are loads of depressed/mentally ill parents who do have children, and I wouldn't really be against it. My mother was a great mother for the time I lived with her, and still is when I see her from time to time.

Like Natalie, my mother was the same. She was 26 and a single mother, but I like that she really picked herself up when I came along :P Once she knew she was pregnant, she saw to it that she could stop purging as soon as possible. And when I went back to living with her, her bipolar disorder had already been quite under control. But she always was, as well, more of a big sister than a mother really. She was very maternal but not very... parental, if that makes sense.

I just... don't see how I could bring someone into the world like that knowing that they have a greater chance of going through exactly what I did. I guess it's better since you'd be one of the few parents that REALLY understand what their kid is going through, and able to help them at least twice as well. I just don't see my mental state changing before the age I'd probably become a parent, and that part, knowing that your kid is going through exactly what you didn't want them to go through, would be really hard on me.

But then also there is something about pregnancy affecting bipolar disorder. I could imagine those two don't mix very well. And then I also worry about postnatal depression.

But if I ever did decide to have children, I would adopt :P

[1_21Guns]

Like Natalie, my mother was the same. She was 26 and a single mother, but I like that she really picked herself up when I came along :P Once she knew she was pregnant, she saw to it that she could stop purging as soon as possible. And when I went back to living with her, her bipolar disorder hand already been quite under control. But she always was, as well, more of a big sister than a mother really. She was very maternal but not very... parental, if that makes sense.

My mum tried to, however she spent most of her time telling my dad if he didnt stop treating me the way he was, i'd leave home or end up like him etc
I was generally ignored, kinda like she didnt overly know what to do with me, never hugged or interacted with much and material objects were given instead, so yeah :P
but yeah, I understand what you mean

[Kaius]

Having kids is something that really scares me, it doesn't matter how much i want kids in future. Im not worried about how il look after them but the cost of me being their father and what they can get through me. I'm not the healthiest person, I've got a few different mental conditions such as aspergers and a small amount of Autism along with PTSD and my self harming. Physical health wise my diabetes is genetic so theres a high chance my children will get it through me. My adoptive mother isn't the..well, shes not the calmest or kindest with some things towards me and its made me think well, what if i get like that with my kids, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if i knew they felt how i do now. I mean shes even told me herself she prays i never have kids because i'd be the worst father imaginable. Idk, i feel selfish whenever i think of the thought of having kids but at the same time I'd love to have a family of my own.

I know one day if i do, they are eventually going to be curious about where my scars came from, and part of me wants to be honest with them and make sure they know if they ever got into that sort of situation i'd be there for them, but at the same time i dont want them exposed to the dangers of different/various things when they're growing up. I don't want it being the first thing they turn to. "Dad did it.. why can't i?"

[nick]

Having kids is something that really scares me, it doesn't matter how much i want kids in future. Im not worried about how il look after them but the cost of me being their father and what they can get through me. I'm not the healthiest person, I've got a few different mental conditions such as aspergers and a small amount of Autism along with PTSD and my self harming. Physical health wise my diabetes is genetic so theres a high chance my children will get it through me. My adoptive mother isn't the..well, shes not the calmest or kindest with some things towards me and its made me think well, what if i get like that with my kids, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if i knew they felt how i do now. I mean shes even told me herself she prays i never have kids because i'd be the worst father imaginable. Idk, i feel selfish whenever i think of the thought of having kids but at the same time I'd love to have a family of my own.
Sure there might be a risk of some genetic conditions, but everyone that decides to have a child has to accept a degree of risk. Those of us that know you well enough know that you are already showing that not only can you be a good father, but, for all practical purposes, you already are.

[Quick_Sylver]

I personally dont want children, but if I did, I'd adopt.

I hate lying, so I'd probably tell the truth about my scars, though I'd be worried at their reaction.

I'd be frightened of passing on my abuse, though as Im surrounded by kids most of the time, know my limits pretty well. It just seems like so many wouldnt think it through before they'd have children. My stance is, if you're not ready to be a parent, what are you doing having sex? So many just have sex, and dont want to deal with the consequences.

[Kaius]

Sure there might be a risk of some genetic conditions, but everyone that decides to have a child has to accept a degree of risk. Those of us that know you well enough know that you are already showing that not only can you be a good father, but, for all practical purposes, you already are.

Thanks Nick :)

[Fiction]

I've often thought about this. I think most of my "problems" are not genetic but because of how things went in my life... mainly with my relationship with my parents. I know i definatley want kids, but i'm not sure i'd be a good mother because i've never really known what it's like to be properly mothered.... if you get me. Although at the same time i really want kids and to be able to bring them up with what i always wanted, it's just a matter of weather i can and know how to do this.
As for my self harm, i'd never want to explain to my kids about that, it would be horrible. I know that i would look so hard at them for signs of SH and ED's and i'd probably questions EVERYTHING... which again would not be good for them mentally...

[Love.Hate]

In the future yes i plan on having kids,
I feel sorry for them though because depression runs through
my family so i wont be suprised if they get it.
Oh and i probably will tell them that i self harmed so they can learn from my mistakes.
Or just Do what kathy said and look out for all the signs so the same doesnt
happen to them.

I think because i have had such a shit time in parts of my life, i want to bring
a child into this world and for it to have a good life, the life i always wanted for myself :)

[Tristin.]

i think that regardless of genetics i would want to have kids, because at the end of the day, there is always that chance that they wont have the genetic mental illness. would you rather pass the opertunity to give life over the fear that they wont be "perfect"? society brands those with mental illness's as "different" but in reality they are as normal as everyone else. so yes id have kids.

even though im gay and would be able to have kids the good old conventional way lol i still would like to have kids :)

[Sith Lord 13]

I want kids. One day, of course, but I really want them. Adopted or not, I'm flexible on, looking like a yes for now. My genes have issues, but so does everyone's. Will I be the perfect parent, no, but I know a hell of a lot of things NOT to do, so that should give me some leg up, right?

[Mike321]

I have thought about it, but I dont think I would want kids
I guess I'm scared I wouldnt be a good enough dad to them
Amoungst other things aswell, I just wouldnt want them to end up like me
But who knows what will happen in the future

[ShatteredWings]

I do not want biological children. I hvae too many physical problems, emotional problems which are most certainly genetic, and there's a physical issue which makes contributing my genetic material dangerous

Adoption, maybe. Maybe. If I can trust myself around children for extended periods of time and dont' have to worry about another breakdown in the near future.

though, even now, i'd probably do a hell of a lot better job than my parents.

[RAWWR]

yes. i want kids. i know there is an amazingly high chance of my child being like me, but i will always be there for my child, i will be open about my struggles with MH in the hope that they will be able to go to me if it happens to them.
but i'm not having one yet. although i really want one XD